We know from our own experience just how incapable we are of even thinking about any kind of bestowal, of tearing something away from oneself and giving it to another, even a trifle. We agree to this only if we are expecting to receive something in return or we achieve a good attitude toward ourselves. Or do we want to feel superior to others, or are showing off and awaiting others’ approval.
If we hope to get an immediate reward right on the spot, then we can give; the main thing is to receive in return. But to tear something away from oneself without any compensation clearly realizing that you will not get any benefit from it, this is completely impossible.
All corrections are possible only by virtue of the Light. It will draw us up like a magnet and pull us out of our egoism. In that moment when I am in the air, I am capable of giving without any calculation. And again the Light raises me, and being suspended in the air, I once more can give selflessly, that is, to act without expecting a benefit for myself.
It will be clear to me that I am giving and it is already vanishing into the other. But as it vanishes, I make a calculation while remaining inside this bestowal. That is, my benefit is precisely in the fact that what I have given disappears into others. I receive this new attitude due to an acquired property of bestowal.
Clearly, this is not easy, and only the Light can retain us and allow us to perform such actions of giving from ourselves outward. NHY de AK are demanding unending bestowal from us, no questions asked. All desires of one’s egoism, yearning to enjoy, to fill itself, to understand, to feel, to conquer, to dominate, with all its envy, lust, and honor, you need to turn over to the service of others and be overflowing with joy.
But you do not do this for the sake of joy; it is simply a consequence of your bestowal because you are happy that you performed a completely selfless act, and the only thing that remained in you is the Light of Hassadim.
The world of Adam Kadmon demands this kind of behavior from us—unconditional bestowal. But the world of Atzilut, which is responsible for our correction, operates more selectively. It separates some of our desires leaving them for later, regarding them to be too much to begin with. It is as if it lowers the bar for us, both in height and intensity. It does not unfold this entire shimmering spiritual picture with boundless bestowal and reception before us, but dims the Lights and dulls the desires. It becomes grayer and bleaker, but now you can at least withstand it, because otherwise it would simply swallow you and force you to receive egoistically.
This is why the World of Atzilut arranges everything in a way that leaves only a small barrier in front of us, the minimum overcoming of our egoism for the sake of bestowal. It is taking care to ensure that the temptations are not so strong and obstacles not so huge, allowing us to come closer to a state that is possible to endure. And then we ask for help in order to overcome this tiny egoistic obstacle and rise above it, each time transitioning from degree to degree.
The overcoming always consists of me hiding from all possible misfortunes inside the center of the group, becoming included in it, and above all, searching there for a concealed secure place, like an embryo within a mother’s womb. I hide from all egoistic forces (Klipot) and cleave to the upper. And once in the center of the group, I begin to grow. I now become a child who is sitting in the arms of an adult, a mother or a father, and is indicating to them where I should be carried and what I want. Thus, each time I advance with their help, choosing the direction on my own, and the upper agrees to carry me there, approving my choice. In this form, a little spiritual person grows.
A group to me is a mother and a father, and only from its center do I clarify all spiritual properties.
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/7/13, The Study of the Ten Sefirot