Sometimes people come to the lesson with what appears to be fatigue. But it’s not fatigue. As Rabash said: If someone were to tell you that your house was on fire, you would jump up and run! Therefore, this is not fatigue, but only a lack of desire.
When people feel that they don’t understand or feel the material, as though they are in a thick fog, these feelings are symptoms of the desire’s dullness. “I’m not really interested, I don’t feel well, I have more pressing matters to deal with, I need to rest, tomorrow I’ve got a big day at work” – all these excuses are nothing but a lack of desire.
When I feel this way, it means that I am deliberately given the opportunity to find the desire, to want to obtain it, and to realize that I must find it myself. Finding the desire is only possible by opening a Kabbalah book, even when I don’t want to read or understand it, and when I don’t see or feel anything in it. Gradually, by forcing myself to read a little more, and a little more, and a little more – letter by letter, word by word, I search and wait to be overtaken by the desire described in The Book of Zohar.
I am aware of all these steps, tasteless as they are, without feeling or understanding them. However, it is precisely in this lack of taste, sensation, and awakening that I begin to feel the Creator’s attitude toward me. I realize that He still gives me the opportunity and a precise place to apply my own effort in all of these states.
This is my mutual work with the Upper Level, where I begin to connect to the Creator even in the states when I don’t feel that He is “Good that does Good” and “There is none else besides Him.” In this manner I come to the correct desires.
The fulfillment, the Upper Light, is in absolute rest. All that’s missing are the desires, the vessels (Kelim)