Comment: We received a lot of questions after we aired the video “The Secret to a Strong Marriage.” In it, you said that if a wife in a family somehow resembles her husband’s mother or takes care of her husband the way his mother did, then this marriage will be strong.

One of our readers writes: “A woman should be a mother to her children and not to her husband, wiping his runny nose. Let him live with his mother until old age.”

Another reader asks: “Who should I learn from if my mother-in-law is a drunkard? She did not raise her son properly, and the father-in-law is lazy and gave nothing to his son. With all due respect to the author, I think his reasoning is unacceptable to many.”

My Response: Then why did you marry a son of a drunkard? How did you choose such a husband?

Comment: Maybe she did not know his mother was like that.

My Response: How could she not know? You did not know his family? You should judge your future husband by his family. Who are you tying your life to?

Question: So you have to look at what kind of family the husband comes from?

Answer: Where did he grow up if not his family?

Question: I selected the more pointed statements. A woman under the pseudonym “Polite Hooligan” writes very bluntly: “You do not sleep with your mother. You do not desire your mother as a woman. So, what is left for unfortunate women, wives, and mothers?”

Answer: If you want attention and love, it has nothing to do with sexual contact. It has to do with the heart. If you want that kind of relationship from your husband, then you should resemble his mother. There is no way around it, this is the law of nature! You can philosophize all you want, but that is how it is. That is the only way you can “buy” him.

Observe what special behaviors his mother has, any specific turns of phrase, mannerisms, maybe even speech patterns. Try to subtly imitate her in some way, and you will see, he turns into a child. Is that a bad thing?

Comment: So he is already “tamed,” he is yours.

My Response: Yes, and now you have a husband who wants to be with you.

Question: But if a man has resentment toward his mother, why would he need another one nearby?

Answer: Then you will understand how to behave to present him with a “corrected” mother figure.

Question: And you keep coming back to this point?

Answer: Yes, absolutely! Everything revolves around this. Because he came from her, and she raised him.

Question: And this lives in him and remains within him forever?

Answer: Of course! She carried him, then breastfed him. As a little baby, he would lay against her chest, keeping warm. This all stays with him. It is a state that practically every person is drawn to throughout their life.

According to Kabbalah, this is also true. Even when we physically separate from our mothers, we remain connected. That bond does not disappear simply because we are physically apart.

Question: You said that if a father leaves the family, children feel it as a betrayal.

But this probably applies to women, too. Many agreed with this, which led to the following question: “Then is it correct to say that when a mother brings another man, a stepfather into the home, that is also a betrayal?”

Answer: This is practically impossible to ever overcome. For children who have parted with their father, the arrival of another man in the home is an enormous problem! You cannot replace it. It is blood! Blood is not water. For a child, it is terrible!

Comment: Many fathers I know are actually stepfathers who have become real parents to the children in their new families. And for the children, this new father has also become real.

My Response: Yes, because a stepfather has to invest more in the child than he would in his own biological son. A biological son is already his by blood. But a stepchild is not, so to truly become a father, he has to invest more. And the child feels that the stepfather invests in him. He develops a sense of responsibility toward the stepfather.

But still, a child will always have a connection to his biological father, either very negative or very positive. And to the stepfather, either negative or positive. The child must form some clear attitude. And this internal duality largely shapes his outlook on life.

Question: But does the father who left still remain inside the child or not?

Answer: He remains, but possibly in a negative form. The child may reject the father, not want him, try to erase him from life, from his biography, from memory. And instead, forcefully replace him with the stepfather. This duality is, of course, very difficult for a child, for a young psyche.

Question: But the imprint of the father always exists in the child?

Answer: Yes, it always exists even if the child tries to erase it. It can be revived very quickly, suddenly reappearing like a ghost from the past, standing before a child in a desperate cry: “What about him? What about that?” In short, there are different destinies.

Question: And you still believe that a father who leaves his family is a traitor to his child?

Answer: He exchanged the child for something else! He did not just leave. He is not a hero who died in war or is exploring the Arctic. He is not someone who sacrificed himself while wanting to stay with them. He is a man who voluntarily left, who chose this path. And a boy cannot accept this.

Question: Next question. Someone asks: “How can a marriage be strong without love?” And another reader writes: “Dear Dr. Laitman, what do you mean ‘no love’? What about Solomon’s words on love: ‘A husband should see his wife as his beautiful lady, his only one, his beloved.'”

Answer: “Habit is given to us from above! It replaces happiness.” If you get used to something, meaning you continuously receive something from it, then the source of that fulfillment becomes dear, close, beloved, and comfortable.

A person is a small egoist. What love? Love is about what you receive from someone. And if you receive nothing, there is no love. Or there is some other habit, or a bond through children, etc. But fundamentally, we must understand human nature!

Trying to detach from nature and move into some abstract philosophy or emotions is unrealistic.

Question: But still, when can we say there is love between husband and wife? In what case?

Answer: We can call love a long-term habit, a mutual inclusion in each other’s lives. When someone starts with external gifts, then every day he tries to fill their partner with something. To the point where the partner can no longer do without it. And most importantly, the giver himself can no longer do without giving.

And he forms a second type of bond, almost Kabbalistic: he suffers when he cannot give.

Question: So, when he gives, he sees how much joy it brings to the other?

Answer: Yes, and that is what binds him. Like a mother to a child. What does she expect? She wants to feel and see his joy.

Comment: So, she gives him a spoonful of porridge, and suddenly he smiles! And for her, that is happiness.

My Response: Yes. Look at your wife when she places a bowl of borscht in front of you: “Here! Eat!” Or calmly sets the table, wipes it, places the bowl, lays the spoon, and looks at you like a mother.

Question: I like the second one better. And should one spouse treat the other this way?

Answer: From the woman’s side, this is the foundation of a strong family. Because a man is a child! He does not give birth, does not create the next generation. He only supports and realizes himself through a woman. So if she acts this way, there can be no problems in the family! None! Because, in essence, he stays with his mother.

Comment: People are writing to you: “You said: ‘Live for the children. Do not divorce for the sake of the children.'”

My Response: I believe that divorce is an extreme measure. I don’t know, but what is a valid reason for divorce?

Comment: For example, a reader writes: “Nowadays, people don’t live for their children. It is not worth sacrificing your life for them. No one will appreciate it in the future!”

My Response: That doesn’t mean whether one should live or not. You created these children, so you must care for them. And they, in turn, must care for their children. This cycle continues as long as we exist in this world.

Comment: But she says the children will not appreciate it.

My Response: That does not matter! What difference does it make? Oh, so you had children just so they would appreciate you later? Well, that is a different story!

Comment: She says: “Time, the lost years can never be regained.”

My Response: What years? In what way are they lost? Because you did not tie yourself to another man?

Comment: Another woman writes: “If there are no feelings, why keep someone around? She says: ‘One should live for the children but not endure life with someone they don’t need.'”

My Response: This is such a consumerist philosophy that I do not even know how to argue against it. “I need him, I do not need him. If I need him, I will keep him, and if I do not, I will throw him out like an old piece of furniture.” I do not think we can preserve families, or even society, with this kind of mindset.

Comment: Here is another letter: “I agree with a lot, but suffering for the sake of children, living with someone who physically repels you is not worth it. There is nothing good about children witnessing an unhappy family dynamic. They will carry that into their own future families.”

My Response: That depends on the woman. I understand that a husband can behave in ways that make it very hard for a woman to endure. But still, there is family, there are children, there is what we call a home. And the wife is the home.

Comment: There are many comments, thousands. I have chosen just a small handful. Here is one supportive comment: “I do not want to defend men, but one thing I know for sure—behind every successful man is a strong woman. And behind every happy family is a wise woman. This video is timely for both women and men.”

My Response: Yes, and the wisdom lies in understanding human nature; that a person cannot escape it! Even if they wanted to. When studying Kabbalah, we see in ourselves how one moment we make a decision, and the next moment we are already different.

This must be understood. We must forgive! My teacher always said that a family is built on mutual concessions. When we understand who we are, two egotists, and that we are not in control of ourselves from one moment to the next. We are not! We do not know.

We would like to be consistent in something, especially in family life when there are children and everything, but we cannot! We are constantly pressured from above, changing every second, and that is why a person is different every minute.

We need to understand this. And we should not just forgive another person. There is nothing to forgive—we must understand that this is simply our nature! Let’s rise above it together, and when we achieve that, we will see that we can be different. But for now, it is still on the way.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 2/9/20

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Question: Let’s say a child is guilty of something, and his parents begin to lecture him: “You are a useless, worthless child! Where was your head? How are you going to live at all?” Kids sit dejectedly and absorb it. What do you think about that?

Answer: This is a big problem for many parents who rudely pointing out that a child that he can’t do anything and is worthless. They deprive their child of the sensation of confidence, safety, and inner opportunity. It is very important to preserve a sense of confidence, safety, and inner opportunity in a child.

Many of us make this mistake. We put pressure on the child by telling him: “You are worthless, look how you are supposed to be. Why can’t you do this,” and so forth. We are making him a very insecure person. He will grow this way and will not be able to escape it for the rest of his life.

Question: How do you think it should be? Here is an action, but it is not a good action.

Answer: Live it down: “You did it incorrectly, wrong. Perhaps you could not do it in a different way. Now look how it is possible to do it in a different way.” This way he will learn from his experience, and he will still retain confidence.

Question: Meaning, we should not touch the child himself and his little “I”? The main principle is to not touch his “I”?

Answer: Yes. We have precisely such people wandering on our planet, without inner confidence, who were “assassinated” by their parents and oppressed since childhood. In order to somehow defend themselves and rise a little above everyone, they make problems for everyone. They do not know what to do in order to feel like normal people.

To achieve this, they suppress others, annihilate others, and so forth. If you take a close look at any monster who kills, tortures others, and leads a gang, you will see why this happened to him. You will look into his childhood and will see how he was damaged then the same way.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/3/20

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Happiness is the fulfillment of a person’s deepest desires. As a rule, it arises in contrast to a sense of dissatisfaction.

For example: hunger brings pleasure from food, separation leads to joy of reunion with a loved one, and so on. In other words, we are built in such a way that we can only experience the positive through the negative.

This raises the question: “Should we even strive for happiness if we must first go through suffering to later feel happy?”

The fact is that the Kabbalistic method allows a person to experience happiness simultaneously with the feeling of lack. That is, at the moment I taste something, I feel both longing for that taste and its fulfillment.

I do not have to separate this in time, first suffering and then receiving. This is why for people engaged in spiritual practice, there is no question of time. They exist beyond it, simultaneously experiencing states of suffering and fulfillment, hunger and satiation.

This is what the wisdom of Kabbalah is: the wisdom of receiving! It teaches a person to receive what is desired, not in a month or a year, but at the very moment of desire. At the same time, two seemingly opposite states, minus and plus, coexist in harmony.

In our world, this does not exist. Here, there is one big minus, and we almost never receive the plus. But according to the Kabbalistic method, the very act of receiving pleasure awakens in us both the desire for it and its fulfillment.

Question: But how can we achieve this? How can we truly become happy in this world?

Answer: This is possible only when I am fulfilled, not independently, but through others. This is the patent for happiness, because I can never truly fulfill myself. However, if I feel and absorb the desires of others, then by fulfilling them, I fulfill myself, since their desires become mine. It turns out that I fulfill myself by existing in others.

The secret is that I step outside of myself, discover desires beyond me, accept them as my own, and fulfill them. That is, both the desire and its fulfillment exist outside of me, but this is precisely what constitutes my soul.

Question: Does this mean we also fulfill a person’s corporeal desires?

Answer: We satisfy all of a person’s desires but only to a certain extent. Corporeal desires are fulfilled only to the degree necessary for existence and no more. But spiritual desires are fulfilled to the extent that we strive to rise together, since my ascent and his ascent are interconnected and complement each other.

Thus, fulfilling the desires of others gives us a sense of happiness.
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From KabTV’s “Short Stories” 10/22/14, Part 2

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Question: Do you know how many elderly people are abandoned now? A lot! And for some reason, their children do not care about them. They do not even call them. What about my responsibility to my parents? After all, there is a natural bond with them.

Answer: But why is there an attachment to parents? Do I think that they should be concerned about me all my life; why else did they give birth to me? As long as they live, they should think about me. Or if they do not relate to me, so they do not. I leave them, and that is it.

Question: How can a child feel this way toward his parents?

Answer: He doesn’t feel it.

Question: Does he feel any pain, nothing?

Answer: No.

Comment: His parent is dying and he…

My Response: He does not feel! Because he has outgrown his animal egoism and does not feel any connection to his parents, that he should help them, provide for them, think about them, and so on. Do not invent what does not exist! It cannot be brought back!

Lately, this has all been dying down, and today it does not exist. If you help your children, then they need you. You can be close to them. But if you stop helping them, then they do not need you. That is how it happens.

Question: If I, as a parent, help my children, do they need me then?

Answer: Then they will need you, and you will be close to them to some extent.

Comment: I am just confused by one thing: that you generalize. There are normal relationships too.

My Response: I am talking about the trend of nature! That is why I generalize.

Question: And what next?

Answer: In our generation, parents can still give something to their children: guide them, leave what they have earned to them, etc. But in the next generation, there will already be a gap.

There will be such relationships between parents and children that if they have the same spiritual goals, then they will be somehow connected through them. And if not, people will start to completely forget about their parents. And parents, frankly speaking, will also not think about their children.

Question: What will parents think about?

Answer: About how to spend time peacefully with their elderly friends and companions.

Comment: With their dogs and cats.

My Response: Yes. There are various clubs opening for playing dominoes, I do not know what else.

Question: What is good about this?

Answer: Nothing! A person just needs to understand how he should be connected to others today. It is a totally different system—not a system of an earthly animal connection.

Question: Is the “parents-children” system not an animal system?

Answer: It is a system in which parents and children reveal a common goal for themselves. And then this goal connects them together.

Question: What is that goal?

Answer: That goal is the attainment of the meaning of life. For parents, children, and grandchildren, it is always the same. If they reveal it, attach to it, then they will feel the need to connect with each other and help each other in this.

Question: What common goal of life are you talking about? That parents and children have one goal that they strive for?

Answer: Then parents will be able to push their children toward the right goal. Then there will be unity between them, both earthly and spiritual, for the revelation of the Creator between them.

Question: What is the revelation of the Creator?

Answer: The revelation of the Creator is the revelation of mutual connection and love.

Question: Only between them?

Answer: First and foremost.

Question: In this unit of children and parents? To reveal this force?

Answer: Yes.

Question: And do they not want to reveal it now?

Answer: They do not want to. Who told them about it? Who pushed them toward it? Who?

Question: So these natural connections, that is not “someone told them”?

Answer: No, of course not.

Comment: This is my father, my grandmother, my… no?

My Response: No, nothing at all.

Comment: You are harsh today.

My Response: I am not harsh. This is what is being revealed in the world. Am I harsh? It is you all who made the world this way.

Comment: But this truth that you are talking about now… I can imagine how many comments will follow.

My Response: I am for revealing this truth and not hiding it so that people can see what a low, base state they are in, and what it leads to.

Question: What conclusion should a person draw after your harsh words? That there will be a gap between parents, children, and grandchildren, and that this is natural?

Answer: If they do not find a common goal, then nothing will connect them. Nothing will connect them!

Comment: That is, you are calling on them to look for this common goal.

My Response: Yes.
[341795]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/6/20

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Question: How do you control a child when he is alone? How do you encourage him to acquire knowledge? People often take examples from famous, wealthy individuals.

For example, Bill Gates has three children, and they were all prohibited from using smartphones and tablets until the age of 14. After the Gates children eventually got gadgets, family rules were established, and parents had the right to limit screen time.

The two sons of Twitter founder Evan Williams do not have iPods; instead there are hundreds of books in the house. The children are not allowed to freely access the Internet, and they learn only from DVDs.

What do you think about such treatment of children?

Answer: I do not consider this abuse; I see it as part of upbringing. I am for restrictions, because smartphones fill people’s minds with nonsense.

Comment: On the other hand you said that this is the smartphone generation.

My Response: It depends on the purpose and amount of time spent. They spend all their time on them, get absorbed into them, and their minds become part of the device, with no real development.

We understand human nature. Therefore there should be significant limits on the Internet cloud in which a child can be, so that only special, restricted parts of the Internet and communication are available.

Comment: Educational and developmental programs…

My Response: Of course. If such a thing could be done and implemented for children and youth, I would definitely do it.

A person is an animal; he needs to be limited. You need to show him: “This is yes, and this is no. This is how it works, and that is how it works.” Once he learns all this, you can slowly start expanding his field.

There is a lack of coordination among the adult population that should be doing everything right for the development of the next generation.

Question: In the big picture, do you think humanity does not care about this generation?

Answer: Absolutely!

Comment: Only some parents care.

My Response: And what can they do?

People get up in the morning, take their kids out of the house, drop them off at kindergartens or schools. What happens there does not matter. They go to work. In the evening they come home, sit down to watch football or something else on TV. Meanwhile their kids are already sitting with their computers. What they did for half the day after school is unclear. And that is their whole life!

The poor parents cannot do anything. They are forced to stay within these frames.

Question: So Bill Gates and the billionaires are not examples?

Answer: It is not about them. I do not think their children will turn out to be special. They will still live in the same society. If those billionaires were smart, they would understand that they need to change the world so that their grandchildren live in a different world.

Because if they do not change the world, they will not do anything for their descendants.

Question: So these little pearls they raise will still drown in this world?

Answer: Yes, of course! They will work just like everyone else. Well, they might drive big cars and have yachts. But they will still spin in this world and will not escape it. They will not have any opportunities to break free from it.

Question: Does that mean they need to change the environment of their children and grandchildren?

Answer: The whole world! The entire world is their environment. And in order to make even their descendants happy, to remake the world, they need to do it with everyone.

Question: With the whole world?

Answer: Yes. With everyone.

What does “with everyone” mean? Give out money? No. Set things up differently? No. Upbringing! It must be the first priority. It must start with the new person.

Only upbringing! It will change humanity and provide a different environment for their descendants.
[249382]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/9/24

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Question: For 40 years, Denmark has ranked among the happiest countries in the world and it also raises happy children. The Danes follow a principle called Hygge, which means “coziness.” However, they apply this not only to their homes, but also to their relationships with others.

For example, they say: “When you enter a hygge space, you leave your stress and negativity outside the family circle.” This is the key principle, meaning that this is our time together, not just my time with you.

Suppose a parent comes home feeling stressed from work or elsewhere. Before entering, they should take a moment to stand by the door or sit in the car for 10 minutes to shift their state of mind. Only then should they step inside, bringing a sense of hygge, a warm inner comfort.

Everyone gathers in one room for at least a couple of hours and sings. Danes sing a lot as whole families: grandparents, parents, and children together. They say this is what raises happy children.

Do you think this could be applied to the rest of the world? Could such warmth and coziness create a new kind of upbringing for humanity? Could we adopt this practice?

Answer: Good Danish folks, good Lithuanian folks, calm, measured, unhurried. It’s a character trait.

You can adopt it if you like; maybe it will help some people. It’s good if they can calm themselves this way. At most, they might go to a club, play some bridge, then head home. “Oh! It’s already eight in the evening, time for bed.”

Question: And after that?

Answer: And after that, the same thing. The main thing is not to disrupt the routine.

Comment: But it is said that they raise happy children.

My Response: Of course, they are happy people. The most important thing is the schedule; you stick to the schedule, and that’s it! You know, the most important thing in the army are the regulations. Follow the garrison service regulations, and that’s how you live happily in the Kingdom of Denmark.

Comment: So, you see hygge as a set of rules established by the people over centuries. But I get the sense that you’re speaking somewhat ironically, and for others, this lifestyle may simply be impossible.

My Response: I can’t imagine it. I even think that not everyone in Denmark today is capable of this. But every nation has its own character. Northern peoples have one type, southern peoples another. Africa and Asia are completely different. Take Mexicans and South

Americans: “If we don’t have a carnival, if we’re not firing shots into the air, then what’s the point?!”

Question: From the perspective of Kabbalah, is this really what raising happy children means?

Answer: I don’t know if this is true happiness.

Happiness is when a person has a real goal, one that they can never be disappointed in because it is true, eternal, and perfect, and they move toward it with certainty.

And even though there are always questions, these questions only serve to keep them constantly focused on that goal. Then everything will be fine.

Question: But you’re saying this as a Kabbalist. What about an ordinary person?

Answer: An ordinary person in our time should already know this too.

Question: Isn’t this coziness a goal in itself?

Answer: Nature didn’t make us this way, and it won’t let us stay this way.

Comment: But they’ve remained like this for quite some time.

My Response: That’s their character. I’m not here to criticize or mock anyone, absolutely not. I understand nature.

Nature made us the way we are so that each person, based on their character and their level of egoism, can realize it correctly. The Danes are still in this state for now. If they can maintain it, let them continue. If they can’t, they’ll join the rest of the restless world.

Question: Do you think they won’t be able to maintain this way of life for much longer, especially in our time?

Answer: No, but when they do join the rest of humanity, they won’t do so at the same intensity as everyone else. It’s like in an engine, some parts spin at 100 cycles per minute, while others move only once per minute.

Question: Do you feel closer to a restless, internally uneasy, constantly moving person? Is an egoistical person closer to you than this?

Answer: They can complete their program faster and reach the upper purpose sooner. But the others follow them, and their role is no less important. We are simply created differently, and that’s why we must act accordingly.

Question: So we won’t be able to adopt this?

Answer: No, absolutely not. Everyone must work based on their own nature.

Question: How can a person understand what their nature is?

Answer: They will feel an inner comfort. For some, inner comfort means moving at an enormous speed, while for others, it’s sitting calmly in the car for half an hour before entering the house, preparing for an important meeting with their spouse, who greets them and invites them inside. They greet each other as if they are meeting for the first time.

Comment: Interesting, so everyone has their own path, you’re saying.

My Response: Of course!

Question: What does that depend on?

Answer: Humanity is so diverse so that in our future connection, we can form one single, universal structure called “Man” – Adam.

Question: Will everyone have their own place? Each nation?

Answer: Of course! Some move at high speed, others at a slower pace, just like in our body, where different systems operate at varying rhythms; some are very fast, others slower and slower. You can compare it to fingernails; on hands, they grow about a millimeter per week, while on feet, only a millimeter per month.

Everyone has their own role, even though it seems to be the same tissue and the same body.

Question: Does everyone have the same goal or not?

Answer: The goal is the same for all, but who actually knows this goal? If we knew that we all had the same goal, we would agree with each other. We would start working together to figure out how to reach it.

But instead, we feel like everyone has their own separate goal. Egoism divides us and prevents us from realizing that we should all be moving toward one common purpose.

Question: Can we still reach this? Will we be drawn toward one goal or not?

Answer: I think it must become clear from within.

Question: What is this goal?

Answer: The goal is very simple: to understand the meaning of life.

Question: And what is it?

Answer: The meaning of life is to discover its meaning.

When I grasp the meaning of life, I feel absolutely fulfilled. I know why I exist, I know who guides me, to whom I turn, what I do at every moment of my existence, and where I am headed. New horizons continuously open before me.

I feel like a child who has entered Disneyland. Everything is incredible! Everything is magical! This is how a person should feel when revealing the Creator’s plan.

Question: Does everyone have their own meaning of life?

Answer: They will enjoy it individually because we are all built that way. But their joy will come from constantly connecting with others. The discovery of this spiritual Disneyland happens as we uncover more and more integral connections between us. And these connections will be revealed precisely as an understanding of the upper world. This is a serious adventure.

Question: You’ve now arrived at the idea that a person’s goal is to attain the upper world. What does it mean to attain the upper world?

Answer: It means to grasp the harmony of interaction between absolutely different forces of nature.

You see how all problems, actions, thoughts, and desires—everything across all times—are interconnected in a harmonious way, and how all of it is necessary for each other. The revelation of this harmony is the revelation of the Creator’s plan.

Question: You always talk about revealing harmonious relationships between people, that we are all harmoniously connected. Is that part of it?

Answer: Of course! That is the highest level of this harmony. To discover this harmony is the purpose of a person’s life.
[260665]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/26/24

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Comment: According to Dr. Robert Lustig, professor emeritus at University of California, San Francisco, happiness and pleasure are not really the same.

He asserts that pleasure is short-lived and visceral and happiness is long-lived and ethereal. Pleasure is taking, while happiness is giving. Pleasure is usually experienced alone, while happiness is usually social. 

My Response: Indeed pleasure is an animate state in which my body enjoys. Happiness, on the other hand, is eternal and complete. It requires stepping out of oneself and rising above oneself. It is connected with a higher purpose, eternity, and true achievement.

Can both be combined? Yes, if I elevate all my pleasures to the level of happiness. Then by rising above my body, I will bring all the best to others, and in this I will find true pleasure and true happiness for myself.
[223252]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/12/24

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Attainment That Brings Happiness

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Comment: Special studies show that people feel happy when a country has a high average income level, low unemployment, significant economic freedom, and a relatively open labor market.

At the same time, generous social welfare benefits and low inequality do not contribute to the sense of happiness. For example, Norway has one of the highest suicide rates. Happiness is determined by life expectancy, access to education, GDP per capita, and purchasing power, among other factors.

Scientists attempt to define happiness externally. Yet, a person is not happy.

My Response: Happiness is connection with eternity, with a purpose that one seeks to grasp. Yet, as one approaches it, it continuously recedes, and one keeps striving toward it. It is an infinite process.

The aspiration toward an eternal goal and its gradual attainment is called the sweet suffering of love. That is, the simultaneous feeling of suffering and love creates the sensation of happiness.

For example, people may have yearned for each other for many years—suffering, moving toward one another, dreaming—and now they have finally met. At that moment, all past sufferings, all impulses toward closeness and mutual perception merge with the feeling of actual unity in the meeting.

The more these two opposing forces continuously increase and sustain one another, the more they create a sense of happiness in a person.

There can be no happiness without suffering. And suffering must inevitably lead to happiness. This is why it is called the “suffering of love,” as the feeling of love cannot arise without the prior experience of longing, suffering, and lack.

These desires emerge precisely in the search, in the movement toward love, and form what is known as a vessel for the perception of happiness. And once I reach happiness and become fulfilled, this feeling quickly fades. Therefore, I must once again restore a sense of some distance.

Even if I physically remain with my beloved, I must immediately think about how to arm myself with even greater desires for them, greater aspirations despite their presence. And then, it will seem as though they are not so near, not so close anymore. And I will begin striving toward them once again.

We must understand that the feeling of happiness is possible only in the middle line, between the left and the right, where the left line is the constant revelation of striving, longing, and emptiness and the right line is connection, love, and fulfillment.

The middle line provides a strong link between the continuous growth of desire and its constant fulfillment. Then a person feels as if they exist in a state of eternity and perfection, not shifting from one state to another, not swinging between the left and right lines, but existing in both simultaneously.

We cannot give a person any other explanation, because developing such perceptual tools requires internal work that they do not yet possess. This is precisely the purpose of the science of Kabbalah, which in translation means “the science of reception.”

Comment: As far as I understand, happiness does not exist in this world, and there is nothing to search for.

My Response: In this world—that is, within a single egoistic desire—happiness cannot exist. And within a single altruistic desire, it cannot exist either. Only on the basis of both desires, if resistance is introduced between them—negative, positive, and in between them resistance (our effort)—only then, upon this resistance can we experience constant happiness, eternal and perfect life.

Comment: It seems that we have already mastered the egoistic desire and are beginning to understand what it is.

Answer: No, it has not yet been mastered. We will be able to master it only in accordance with the emergence of an altruistic desire within us. Then we will begin to perceive a completely different kind of egoism. Right now, we experience only a very limited, animate-level egoism.

We must begin to perceive egoism that desires to work together with the quality of bestowal and love, that understands it must act in harmony with it as one half of the whole system of the world.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 5/12/22

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Question: Yesterday we were invited as guests to take part in a meal with our friends’ children. It is impossible to put into words what happened there! I was amazed! Outwardly, they are ordinary teenagers, but it was clear that they are true Priests, special souls. It was obvious that they have the power to lead millions, even billions to the Creator.

The Creator gave me a gift to see this. I could not fall asleep for a long time. It was as if I had been turned upside down! And now, what am I supposed to do with this?

Answer: You were given a good example of what can be made out of our everyday life: family, children, study, work. That is all. Draw your conclusions.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/16/25, “Reaching Lishma through Envy.”

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Comment: A study was conducted to explore whether revenge in humans is induced by nature. They took 330 children between the ages of four and eight and played a game with them, built in two stages.

In the first stage, the researchers could give the child three stickers or keep them. The child should have thanked them and given them a gift in return. In the second stage, the task was to steal a sticker from another person. In response, one could punish or not punish the offender.

It turned out that children, even the youngest, were ready to strike when someone tried to steal their stickers. Children did not always want to reward others. Thus, the researchers concluded that people’s desire for revenge is more primal than their desire to be grateful.

My Response: This is natural. This is called “evsed mi karen” (loss from the fund).

Let us say I had a dollar in my pocket, and it disappeared somewhere. I would twist and turn, thinking, “Where could it have gone?” I would look for it as if I really needed it because I had it, it was mine, and now it is gone. That is why it is worth more than a dollar to me, worth maybe 20 dollars. This is how I feel about this loss.

Therefore if a person has harmed another, the latter considers this act worthy of tenfold retribution because this is how the magnitude of his friend’s negative attitude toward him is felt.

Question: Why does one not show gratitude?

Answer: Because I am sure that I am good, that I am the best in the world; that is what my mother told me. Therefore I am owed. To what they tell me, I reply, “Yes, I am pleased. Thank you; I will thank you too on occasion.” I turn around and walk away.

I think I got what I was supposed to get; as to what was stolen from me, it seems ten times more than it actually is! That is how I feel. If something positive comes my way, I value it ten times less than it is worth. But if something is taken away, I accept the loss as ten times worse. That is how we are built.

Therefore the fact that children want to take revenge on those who have done them even a little wrong, and moreover take pleasure in that revenge, I understand that very well. I was like that myself. I clearly remember these instances.

Question: What changed this approach in you, not to take revenge?

Answer: I began to realize that I share the same common desire with everyone; therefore I should not harm myself in this way, egoistically. We must try to always give in a little. It is better this way, more peaceful. It gives you some safety and surrounds you, at least, with more neutral people. So the main thing is to be careful not to harm another. In short, this is the conclusion.

And if you do harm, then of course, expect very serious reactions.

Comment: Researchers have an opinion similar to yours. They believe revenge is always a choice between the desire for revenge and the opportunity to forgive.

My Response: Who might have the opportunity to forgive? It just gets forgotten, or you cannot take good revenge because you are such a weakling, a loser, the other guy is stronger than you, etc. So there is nothing left for you to do.

Man is a selfish little animal. And if he can eat another, he does.

Question: Does revenge have any positive sides? Is revenge useful?

Answer: Then it is no longer revenge but education.

If you and I are playing chess or another game, and I am teaching you, then you feel that I am outplaying you with no intent to harm you; on the contrary, to give you some kind of pleasure, benefit, and so on. That is, it does not cause you to take revenge, but it still makes you feel awkward, and unhappy with the situation.

Imagine I am teaching and showing you how to play, but you still cannot. I am also smarter, wiser, and luckier than you; how unpleasant it is for you anyway.

Question: Yes, there is disappointment. So how can we move from taking revenge and supposedly restoring justice to motivating a person to move on rather than limiting ourselves to some parochial score-settling?

Answer: To do this, you need to make a very special calculation, meaning someone wanted to harm me, to see me poor, fallen, or damaged, and I must reach a state where he will be desperately jealous of me. Then I will revel in his seeing my position, which he is unable to do anything about it. That is how I want to get back at him.

On the other hand, I have to say, “I am grateful to him that he did this!” After all, I rose up thanks to him; I was doing it to cause him distress. But in the end, I did not!

That is, he somehow—without even suspecting, maybe without thinking—caused such forces in me that I rose higher, became more successful, intelligent, etc. I must tell him: “Thank you so much for doing this to me!”

The first person discovers that this is an educational process for him. Therefore he tells the second person, who wanted to harm him, “Thank you for doing that.”

Question: And what happens to the second person?

Answer: A double whammy. On the one hand, he sees that the former has succeeded, and moreover, he feels he is superior to him. He is seriously above him.

The conclusions are very simple. Add to this: “I did this and told you so that you could try to rise above yourself.” This is already a knockout. “There is thrill in battle!”
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/4/19

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