Answer: This means that they did not find the pleasant, secure, and perfect warmth of the mutual support that they were supposed to find in their mutual concessions.
Meaning, they made concessions against their will and under pressure because this is what was recommended. They did not make efforts to get used to them, and didn’t try playing with them and tuning them so that these actions could turn into a habit, second nature.
This stage of adjustment is quite long. Since we were not taught to make mutual concessions in school, in the University, or when we got married, we missed this approach for most of our life and now we have to make up for it.
We participate consciously in this game, and gradually it becomes our life. There is no lie in this, because by this we re-educate ourselves. We are set up like a computer; all kinds of programs were installed in us without asking us whether we agree or not, and now we live under their influence.
Usually people say: “Look at the parents of the bride or the groom, at their way of life, and you will understand who the bride or the groom is.” Usually it is this way. Therefore, we have to change ourselves, to bring ourselves to completely different mutual relationships, and this is possible only with the help of constant training, playing, that will become a habit.
For example, you can suggest the following exercise to married couples: “Think back to your last fight, when you threatened your wife with a fist, while she was ready to strike you with a frying pan. And now play it the other way around.” They, like in a movie, rotate the film back, approach each other, and try to solve the problem by rising above themselves. By this they create completely new characteristics within themselves, giving birth to a new nature: of bestowal, love, and mutual integration with each other.
We set ourselves up for what we want to see: only positive qualities in each other, as if there are no negative. Of course, they exist in everyone, but we do not see them. This means love. Love is when you look at you spouse and feel pleasure. Someone else looks and does not understand what you enjoy.
Such mutual common feeling, which the spouses reach, is their next spiritual degree, where they unite into one whole and begin to attain the highest state of nature. This is an active meditation, during which they do give birth to a new property, a new level of knowledge, feeling.
At the same time, they rise to such dimensions, where they begin to feel as they are managed by nature, and how they can now control it.
From KabTV’s: “A Talk about the Family” 5/28/14