Baal HaSulam, Shamati #53, “The Matter of Limitation”: This is called the main part of the degree, which is a discernment of Katnut. This discernment must be permanent, and the Gadlut is only an addition. Also, one should yearn for the main part, not for the additions.
The goal is to reach wholeness, and a sign of wholeness is the joy that fills all of our senses, all desires, and all thoughts, which means our heart and mind. It is because wholeness and joy come from the Creator; when in the smallest state, I am adhered to Him and thus delight Him, and then it is the greatest state.
At the bottom of the ladder it seems that a person has to be as great as the Creator: to know, to understand, and to feel everything, to control everything, to swallow the whole world. The Creator seems as a powerful ruler that dominates all of creation and a person thinks that he also should be the same. The ego inside me constantly grows and expands so that I will advance.
But then I begin to understand that no matter how much new desire will be added and no matter how great it is, I have to make myself a zero and another zero, as many zeros as possible. I cannot do that with regard to the Creator, but I can make an effort and do it with regard to the friends.
Annulling myself and not wanting anything for myself but from the point of annulment to delight the Creator is actually the starting point of every level, of every state. This is the attribute of Bina, to bestow in order to bestow with nothing of its own.
This is called Tzimtzum (restriction), Masach (screen), and the Returning Light. To the extent that greatest discernments are revealed to me, I annul them when it comes to my own benefit and I don’t want to exist on my own if I cannot delight the Creator above this state and not demand anything else.
My perception of reality is always divided into two. I want to delete all the desires and the thoughts that are for myself and to restrict them; I cannot get rid of them completely, but want to feel as if they don’t exist. It is because I begin to feel that every thought and desire for myself in any way doesn’t let me focus on delighting the Creator.
Thus I establish my bestowal by restricting all my desires by which I am blown up with from Above, to zero. I return to nothing, and then above that establish my bestowal. These are already the next phases of my ladder. The sign for these states is the ability to ascend above all the ascents and descents and to turn them into means of bestowal, as if I don’t have a volume of my own but convey everything above myself.
From the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 6/2/14, Shamati #53 “The Matter of Limitation”