Answer: Before I used to reject the use of the desire to receive and constantly built the desire to bestow above it. Now, however, I begin to receive in order to bestow. This is a very special transition indeed when I operate the vessels of receiving.
It is hard to bring similar examples from our world. It is as if I steal for the sake of the public, as if I kill for the sake of life. The malignant tumor that used to consume and kill the body grew at its expense and I begin to inject medicine. This medicine makes the body feel 620 times healthier as it heals it. It is because the sick body has been in states that are close to death …
This is how the transition from the state of smallness (Katnut) to the state of greatness (Gadlut) is made, when the angel of death becomes the holy angel.
We should understand that a state of smallness is not charity (Hassadim) but rather weakness. Another point is that when the whole cruel desire to receive opens up in me and all the great Light is in front of me, then I say: “I don’t want it; I want to remain in the attribute of mercy (Hafetz Hesed). I prefer Hassadim only and I don’t need these vessels and these Lights.”
This is called true mercy (Hafetz Hesed) and it is a very high and sublime state. Without it I cannot contain all the Light of Hochma and receive in order to bestow.
It has to provide all the intentions of in order to bestow for all the vessels of receiving. I fill all my desires with the Light of Hassadim and decide to work in Hassadim, from within Hassadim. In order to receive pleasures, I develop a new desire for them that is 620 times greater and receive them only for the sake of the Creator, only in order to show Him my love.
All this is based on a new attitude that is sustained by the fact that internally I am still Hafetz Hesed. Even if I receive the Light of Yechida at the end of correction, I don’t do it for myself. Personally I don’t need anything and it is all for the Creator. This is not weakness anymore but the basis of all of bestowal to the full height of the greatest Lights, Haya and Yechida.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/07/13, Writings of Baal HaSulam