Awareness is the new category born out of the lack of equivalence of form. I begin to perceive who I am when I feel bad and try to clarify: What it is that I don’t like and why do I feel bad? Then I begin to search for the source of all this evil, from whom does it come?
All the 125 steps are based on the lack of equivalence of form, which constantly gives rise to the questions: What is this work and who is the Creator that I should listen to Him? Pharaoh is constantly asking us these questions and we are trying to find the answer. This is how the Creator plays with us on both sides, teaching us to be more sensitive to the intention of in order to bestow.
From one degree to the next, the Creator gives us a more qualitative sensation of the lack of equivalence of form. If at first I felt good and bad only with regards to corporeal criteria, by judging to what extent I succeeded in stealing from someone, now I judge the good and bad according to my intentions regarding the Creator or the person from whom I once stole.
At first I stole without anyone noticing and didn’t think about what I was doing. Then I continued to do the same thing, but I began to feel that I’m taking from someone. Later I began to feel ashamed of stealing, that I take something from a stranger for myself. Then my awareness grows so that I don’t need to take anything that is not mine, but when I look at it I feel like stealing it, and I don’t agree to that either.
Later I continue to correct myself; I don’t allow myself to steal or even to think about stealing, and this thought occurs to me only rarely. Different spiritual discernments are becoming more and more accurate inside me regarding this. Here the Creator confuses us and creates different interruptions, and all of it is being clarified only in thought.
Eventually I reach a point when even a single thought about using others makes me feel bad: If I suddenly think that another will be ill instead of me, or that he will feel bad instead of me. I am shocked by the thought that I may profit at another’s expense.
This thought remains but it becomes more tricky, fine, and internal. The evil towards others remains until the end of correction, but it becomes more qualitative because we are correcting the shattering. We rise from the simple, petty, and coarse exploitation of others to the cunning, sophisticated exploitation that harms the roots themselves. As it says, “he who is greater than his friend, his desire is greater than his friend’s,” which means that the ego is of a higher quality.
You have a slight egoistic intention, but it seems to be huge, not like “a hairsbreadth” but like “a cart’s ropes.” The correction is in rising above your ego, but the desire to use others is renewed on every degree and becomes more and more internal and cunning. This is what we should work on, and the main lab for that is the group, where you can quickly clarify your attitude to others.
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/11/2012, “The Gate of Intentions”