New Life #44 – True Love
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Summary

Love is the feeling we build in the space created by mutual concession. We transform clashes between us into opportunities for love and connection by living above our egoistic natures. We make efforts in the same way a mother does with her child, by giving up her own comforts in order to provide the child with what he wants. We bring Light into our lives when we do this and feel that we lack nothing. We elevate ourselves above reality.
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From KabTV’s “New Life #44 – True Love,” 7/12/12

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New Life #198 – Falling In Love, Part 2
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Summary

What influences the process of falling in love? What must we learn about ourselves to communicate correctly? And how do relationships serve as a means for clarifying our need for mutual connection?

Building a true, internal connection with a partner opens up an entire world. We begin to play together with a chord of mutual complementarity. Being a part of a group that aims toward connection in general can support us in our search for the right partner.
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From KabTV’s “New Life #198 – Falling In Love,” part 2, 6/20/13

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New Life 196 – Creating A Relationship As A Couple, Part 2
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

Summary

Love is born from mutual investment. Sex reveals additional depth in the communication between partners. Self-awareness and awareness of one’s partner help us to be flexible and accommodate one another. An ideal relationship occurs when two become one and the couple then also unites with society as a whole.
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From KabTV’s “New Life #196 – Creating a Relationship as a Couple,” Part 2, 6/9/13

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Question: What is the inner work of a person, the work of the soul?”

Answer: Kabbalists call the efforts against one’s desire work.

Let’s say I want to lie down, but despite that I get up and go to work. In our world, this is what we call making an effort. But we forget that if I get up and go to work, this is already my will. It means that I overcame my desire to lie down on the couch and watch football and decided that it would be better to go to work and earn money. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to get up and set off for work to waste my energy there. Even if by overcoming, I’ve nonetheless,used my desire.

That is, I exchange one desire for another because I see this as a clear benefit. This is the physical work in our world, work that everybody performs: athletes, artists, workers, it does not matter who and how. If a person can overcome himself and accomplish something, it is his material, physical work. What if he cannot? Approach with a whip and he will want it.

In other words, if by shaming, condemning, inflicting suffering, or affecting a person in any other way it is possible to change his desire and force him to perform a particular activity, this is called the work of our world. In the end, he’ll want to do the work to avoid suffering.

By definition, spiritual work is impossible to perform. A person inherently cannot do it by himself because the upper Light or the Creator does it for him. That is why this work is called the Creator’s work.

The truth of the matter is that I have to ask the Creator to perform this work for me. Meaning that my requests and pleas are the preparation for Him to correct me—this is my work.

He has to perform the work because the property of absolute bestowal and love are completely nonexistent in the framework of my nature. And in accordance with the way I am created, I am not capable of performing the spiritual work.

That is why I have to persuade the upper Light that I really want for it to do it on my behalf. So, why would this work be written on my behalf? Because I’ve succeeded in persuading the Creator. I did everything for this to happen and that is why it’s considered my work, although it is called “the work of the Creator.” This means that He performs, but I beg and plead for it to happen.

This is the only possibility for a person’s free will in our world, in our condition.
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From KabTV’s lesson in Russian 12/18/16

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Question: What advice can you give people regarding family and children? What is seriously worthwhile for them to think about?

Answer: The problem in family life amounts to only one thing, on the ability to concede to each other. My teacher the great Kabbalist Baruch Ashlag used to say: “The happiness of family life depends on the ability to keep your mouth shut at the right time.”

Question: What does family life mean nowadays when a woman and man can live separately?

Answer: Everything depends on education. In their time, I received guidance and direction from my parents that divorce could not be and that’s that.

Understandably, there can be all kinds of problems in a family, especially when people have been living together for a long time. I have been married to my wife for almost 50 years. People lived this way in the past, while today sociologists believe that when two or three years go by, affection and closeness disappear.

But they don’t have to divorce. It is possible to prevent this only through mutual concessions, not in any other way.

Question: You say that it is possible to avoid divorce, why is this?

Answer: You established a family, gave birth to children, you have to be their father. Things are much worse for children if the father is not present.

Children need both a father and a mother even if the relationship between them is not good. You should be concerned about silencing yourself and not the other. Then everything will be okay.

I am saying this from personal experience. For example, my wife and I can quarrel for some reason, but the next morning we must meet each other with a smile, even if the feeling of yesterday’s quarrel has not yet calmed down and we are burning to prove that we were right. This doesn’t enter the account!

Comment: But this is the wisdom of the wisdom of Kabbalah….

My Response: This is not the wisdom of Kabbalah but a simple understanding that you will not achieve anything in any other way! You cannot change people or the world, I am saying this seriously. Every day my wife and I begin by taking a walk for half an hour and we are always smiling at each other, even though inside each one of us has a load of problems. But during the walk it is gradually emptied; that is how it is every day. But today begins with a decision that what happened yesterday is finished, even externally.

Regarding children, everything is very simple. Don’t preach ethics to them. With words you will not succeed in educating them, you will only push them away from you. It is possible to educate them only through an example, without words. The child will look and learn. If you say something along with this, you will ruin their education.
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From a Webinar “The Year in Review” 12/26/16

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Before taking any action, let’s first understand the world we exist in. Then, we can create a new organ of perception.

Kabbalah explains: The world is a HOLOGRAM . A structure of 10 Sefirot, where each Sefira consists of another ten and so on.

You can either study the world the way it is or the way we perceive it. The world is the result of our perception!

Scientists: the universe is a hologram. Kabbalah: the universe is inside our mind. Rise above your mind and discover one upper light.

Our selfish nature seizes control over everything. It creates media that is dependent on its owners, and thus enslaves the masses.

The media is in the hands of the elite, and there will be a fight over it. Revealing the evil in it will trigger the correction.
From Twitter, 2/1/17

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Real love has nothing to do with sex or gender, but in order to come to it, we need serious preparation.

After all, we need to learn to open our hearts, feel the heart of another person, and rise above our own interests in order to enter the desire of our friend, whatever that desire may be.

Here it does not matter who that other person is, whether a man or a woman. I need to rise above my egoism, which yearns to enjoy the entire world, and instead of this, I prefer to provide the entire world with enjoyment.

If this is what love is, then a question arises: Does love even exist at all in our world? It does not! Love exists only in the upper world, to which we ascend above our egoistic calculations and begin to fulfill another and enjoy each others’ joy.

Am I capable of enjoying the fact that I am fulfilling eight billion people? It is written, “love another as thyself.” That is, I need to love others more than myself, and in the same way that I currently love myself more than others. This is why we require a force that is higher than our nature that is capable of correcting our nature and can help us attain true love. 

Nature created me and instilled in me an egoistic desire to love myself. Now I am demanding my own correction from this nature, the Creator. I want to correct myself in such a way so as to love another without any personal interest, independently from whether I feel good or bad from it, and to be above it.

Since I am currently a complete egoist, I want others to treat me with this kind of love and to love me the way that I am, with all my flaws and egoism. Therefore, I should love others with such love without any conditions.

Reply: But I do not want to!

My Comment: This is why you need correction. You will discover in your friend the most unpleasant properties and actions with respect to you and your loved ones, and you will love him nevertheless. True love requires complete correction and covers all crimes.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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Question: What does an earthly family with a corrected spiritual relationship look like?

Answer: It is difficult to say since we have not yet seen such examples in our lives. For now, we are still in a state of breakage, in exile.

Therefore, since the time of Rabbi Akiva, after the destruction of the Temple, we know nothing about such families who would correspond to the corrected spiritual relationship with the Creator.

Moreover, it is written about how Kabbalists of the past suffered because of their wives who often had very difficult personalities and presented many grievances and demands. Kabbalists accepted it as inevitable and a consequence of the breakage and exile in which we exist.

A spiritual couple should feel as if it exists in one body, in common agreement and understanding, completing each other in a fusion of minds, hearts, and mutual intentions. Everything that exists in the body of the other, in their mind and heart, I accept as my own thoughts and feelings.

And these are not just nice words but are truly felt even on the most earthly, physiological level. If something is hurting in your partner, then you feel this pain in your body, even if they do not tell you about it. This is a complete union of bodies in accordance with the union of souls.

We will come to this state as soon as we begin to correct ourselves in relation to our general love for one another.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 7/30/15

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Question:  What happens to a person after he or she dies? What’s happens to their soul?

Answer: Those who are capable of perceiving their soul live within it because it is not connected with the death of the body.

And for those who have never attained their souls, there remains only a Reshimot (from Hebrew “roshem” – a record), which is a piece of information similar to DNA, a certain code that includes everything that a person had ever consisted of.

When the body dies, this informational part (Reshimot) must connect with a new body in this world and start all over. Every person has a Reshimot, which is the particle from which we eventually develop a soul.

Comment:  You have said that people who have a soul are only those who build it.

Answer: Yes, it’s true. They build it out of their egoistic desires that are based on Reshimot,  some particle of information that works inside the desire forcing people to build a soul.

Question: What do I have? What’s missing? What am I supposed to build?

Answer: Our egoistic will to receive is all we have. But it may be the case that suddenly a special desire sparks in us. This is a desire to perceive our soul and figure out why we live, what is the purpose of our existence and the source of life.

It means that a Reshimot, that tiny spark, the so-called point in the heart wakes up within us. At this point, we start contemplating what we should do next since this aspiration presses on us and doesn’t leave us alone.

Then, we address our egoistic desire and start searching for a place where we can realize this spark. Eventually, we come to a place where the authentic wisdom of Kabbalah is taught and where we receive an explanation of how to build a soul. Creating a soul means changing the will to receive for our own sake to being for the sake of others.
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From Israeli Radio Program 103FM, 5/10/15

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In the News (psychologies.ru): “Hatred, unlike fear and happiness, doesn’t belong to elementary human emotions and is itself a symbiosis of several simultaneous emotions. The foundation of hatred is disgust, one of the primary emotions.

“Disgust, revulsion, is an emotion with a significant physiological cause and purpose to protect a person from the influence of a harmful object (toxic) on him. This is the reason that vomiting and nausea accompany the perception by the person of something disgusting, revolting.

“The main function of disgust is to bring the maximal contact with the unpleasant or dangerous object to zero. When we experience disgust or revulsion, we run away or become petrified. Fear attracts our attention, whereas disgust, on the contrary, rejects. The disappearance of an object that arouses disgust or revulsion relaxes us.

“Psychological or ethical disgust awakens in us values or behaviors that are unacceptable to our education. Together with this, the natural counter reaction is identical to physiological disgust.

“It is worthwhile to add several additional components to disgust, by which we get hatred. Most of the time, hatred is a product of the mixture of disgust, revulsion, fear, insult and the inability to move away from the object that arouses the emotion.

“If there is no possibility of moving away, this means that it is necessary to annihilate the object. This feeling presents the option sharply and unambiguously: It’s either me or him. Disgust, unlike hatred, presents the option in another manner: Get out of my sight.

“How is it possible to create hatred? The answer is simple. Supply people or a group with disgusting or revolting features, add fear, invoke old insults and suppress the ability to see the good. The more limited the worldview, the easier it is to arouse hatred and there are more reasons for its manifestation. When hatred develops, it limits the perception of the world and fixes the attention only on the object that arouses disgust.

“It is not possible to stop hatred through hatred. Only love, which is the opposite characteristic, acts as a neutralizing force. Releasing oneself from the shackles of hatred is possible when you focus on what you are doing with yourself. This will help in turning away from hatred.”

My Comment: The wisdom of Kabbalah instructs us not to listen to ourselves, but to engage in connection with others. In this way we remove all characteristics other than love!
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