But he, on the other hand, always has complaints and demands, and he cannot justify the Creator’s behavior, and how He behaves toward him. This pains him. Why is he not one with the Creator? Finally, he comes to feel that he has no part in holiness whatsoever.
I see that all my intentions and my desires are in order to receive. I want to connect to the friends and reveal the Creator among them in order to bestow unto Him, but after all my attempts, I discover that it isn’t my nature at all.
Although he occasionally receives awakening from Above, which momentarily revives him, but soon after he falls into the place of baseness.
This means that I perceive my ascents and descents judging by to what extent I worry about the Creator through the group and through which He will be revealed, and to what extent I yearn to see in all that there is none else beside Him and that He is good that does good. I discover corresponding attributes in the group, but I understand that I cannot participate in it by myself.
It turns out that there is no one to blame but me. Ordinary people on the street are totally managed by the Creator in a natural instinctive manner. Therefore, they are not responsible for anything and are absolute righteous since they only carry out the Creator’s orders without any participation on their part.
The friends that I see invest all their powers in order to bestow and the only evil person in the world, who wants to exit his ego but cannot do so, is me. It turns out that the general state of the vessel, of the general soul, depends only on me.
Thus, the Creator’s state depends on the outcome of my efforts. The Creator can enjoy the created beings and be revealed to them only if I add my penny. Without that, the Creator cannot be content and this is my fault!
A man must always try and cleave to the Creator; namely, that all his thoughts will be about Him. That is to say, that even if he is in the worst state, from which there cannot be a greater decline, he should not leave His domain, namely, that there is another authority which prevents him from entering holiness, and which can bring benefit or harm.
That is, he must not think that there is the force of the Sitra Achra (Other Side), which does not allow a person to do good deeds and follow God’s ways. Rather, all is done by the Creator.
On the one hand, we have to accept all the actions we undergo. There is only one thing I cannot accept: the fact that I cannot justify the Creator in all these actions and thank and praise Him. This is the only thing that hurts.
Of course, I don’t feel sorry for myself but for the fact that I cannot add my missing part, my penny, to the whole general vessel in order that the Creator will be able to be revealed within it and to enjoy it.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/29/14, Shamati #1