Question: It says: “The reward is according to one’s sorrow.” But why should one suffer and feel sorrow, shouldn’t the Lord’s servant be glad?
Answer: I don’t see that my students are constantly happy as if they are at their wedding with the Creator. We operate against our desire and this requires great efforts in constantly being focused on connection, on annulling our ego, and on the intention not to think about ourselves.
We are forced to exert ourselves without any compensation in the egoistic desire to receive with which we work. But I have made an effort, burnt calories and both my body and my soul demand a filling in return. But I don’t get anything; so how will my body be able to go on working without any compensation? After all, it’s a machine, both a physiological and a mental one that must receive a filling, fuel.
I am told that I will receive a filling only if I ask for the chance to work without a filling. But I still want to receive something for myself, and so my exertion is accompanied with sorrow. It’s because I have to give up my ego, give up my reward, and I have to think about someone else instead of myself every time. I see that I cannot do that, and so I turn to the Creator. But until I turn to Him and until He responds, I have to go through an unpleasant state…and that is a rather difficult time.
When a person first comes to the group he is happy and is ready to move mountains, to do anything. Later, however, we suddenly see that he cools down and we see less and less of him; instead of sitting in the front rows, he draws further away and gradually gets closer to the exit, until he disappears completely.
It says: “a thousand enter a room and only one comes out an instructor.” In our times it isn’t one but many more, but this principle is still true. It’s only those who can give up everything and say that they don’t care about what would happen to them because there is no other truth and so they are here! This is called “buy the truth and don’t sell it!” But there aren’t many such people and it depends on a person’s desire, on the point in the heart that the Creator has given him.
A person can also pray to the Creator and ask, although it’s very difficult and complicated. If a person has not received the desire to receive, the point in the heart that helps him reach the goal of creation from birth, then he can still turn with a strong enough prayer to be empowered, despite the weak point in the heart that he has. It’s as if he skips from one generation to another, from one life to another.
You can now receive directly what you were supposed to receive in a few more lives according to the general plan, by returning to this world, living and suffering in it, dying and then coming back again, by the great effort of your request—like you are able to jump through time.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/29/13, Writings of Baal HaSulam