A question I received: When I started studying Kabbalah, I was fascinated and dedicated, and everything was all right. I had downs and ups, but after a down there was always an up. The problem is that some time ago I started feeling depressed all the time. I can`t stand my reality, I feel sick, I am moaning all the time, and I can’t reach balance. I’m still trying to study with my virtual group, but because of my work, I can’t watch morning lessons. I also feel that my intention is worth nothing now. I don’t even know where it is. I feel confused and weak. Also the people around me keep telling me that I have changed, that I’m aggressive and nervous, and that I am thinking only about myself. And I feel that this is true, but I can’t change my behavior.
Is all of this natural for a person studying Kabbalah or I am doing something wrong? What can I do to pass this and be better for everybody around me and for myself, because I feel that I hate myself as well?
My Answer: We all go through states like this. Kabbalah compresses all of your future states for many years ahead, leading you through them over a shorter period of time. Hence, it isn’t easy to live through this period. Everything inside you changes suddenly and drastically. You get thrown from Light into darkness, from joy into depression, and so on.
The only thing that will help is to lower your head. In other words, regardless of your thoughts and desires (your mind and heart, and the sensations in them), cling to the group as the only source of salvation in this world given to you by the Creator. Organize systematic, daily studies for yourself, and spend all your free time participating in dissemination. Accept the fact that this life was given to you in order to come out of it and enter the Upper Life.
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