New Life #414 – The Institution Of Marriage Today
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Tal Mandelbaum ben Moshe

Summary

What happened to the institution of marriage that it is disintegrating? What attitude we should develop as a result of our commitment to marriage and can spiritual connection improve our relations?

In the past a person was committed to marriage in order to live a normal life, but today it is not the case. A couple needs to build the connection between them before the wedding, after the commitment of marriage, they stop.

The institution of marriage today requires re-examination. It can continue to exist only if we add a spiritual value to it. A spiritual married life means an internal commitment to provide each other with spiritual support.
From KabTV’s “New Life #414 – Relations: The Institution Of Marriage Today,” 7/3/14

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Question: What advice can you give people regarding family and children? What is seriously worthwhile for them to think about?

Answer: The problem in family life amounts to only one thing, on the ability to concede to each other. My teacher the great Kabbalist Baruch Ashlag used to say: “The happiness of family life depends on the ability to keep your mouth shut at the right time.”

Question: What does family life mean nowadays when a woman and man can live separately?

Answer: Everything depends on education. In their time, I received guidance and direction from my parents that divorce could not be and that’s that.

Understandably, there can be all kinds of problems in a family, especially when people have been living together for a long time. I have been married to my wife for almost 50 years. People lived this way in the past, while today sociologists believe that when two or three years go by, affection and closeness disappear.

But they don’t have to divorce. It is possible to prevent this only through mutual concessions, not in any other way.

Question: You say that it is possible to avoid divorce, why is this?

Answer: You established a family, gave birth to children, you have to be their father. Things are much worse for children if the father is not present.

Children need both a father and a mother even if the relationship between them is not good. You should be concerned about silencing yourself and not the other. Then everything will be okay.

I am saying this from personal experience. For example, my wife and I can quarrel for some reason, but the next morning we must meet each other with a smile, even if the feeling of yesterday’s quarrel has not yet calmed down and we are burning to prove that we were right. This doesn’t enter the account!

Comment: But this is the wisdom of the wisdom of Kabbalah….

My Response: This is not the wisdom of Kabbalah but a simple understanding that you will not achieve anything in any other way! You cannot change people or the world, I am saying this seriously. Every day my wife and I begin by taking a walk for half an hour and we are always smiling at each other, even though inside each one of us has a load of problems. But during the walk it is gradually emptied; that is how it is every day. But today begins with a decision that what happened yesterday is finished, even externally.

Regarding children, everything is very simple. Don’t preach ethics to them. With words you will not succeed in educating them, you will only push them away from you. It is possible to educate them only through an example, without words. The child will look and learn. If you say something along with this, you will ruin their education.
[200475]
From a Webinar “The Year in Review” 12/26/16

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Question from Facebook: Why are people so interested in sex and in the mutual relations between the two sexes? It seems that this is the only thing people are interested in.

Answer: They say that love and hunger make the world go round. If hunger no longer manages the world because there is actually enough food for everyone, what is left which can fill a person is love.

A person’s desire is to enjoy. It is the essences of his existence. This is how we are programmed. If we could turn off this program inside us, the world would be totally different. Radio, TV, sports, arts, science, everything would be totally different.

Sex is a person’s greatest desire. We cannot even imagine how everything that we do is actually subconsciously sex-oriented. Everything that we do stems from our internal sexual inclination. It is the basis of our behavior.

What is more, it isn’t about the kind of sex that we understand as corporeal coupling but about a yearning for a filling by something that is opposite from me, just like a plus yearns for a minus. All of a person’s thoughts are absolutely sexually directed.

What do we mean by sex? On the one hand there is the desire, the need (even in food), and, on the other hand, the filling. According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, sex is referred to as Zivug de Hakaa (mating).

So it all depends on the level at which we examine this concept. On the physiological level of the corporeal bodies, we call it sex; whereas, on the lower level of the still or vegetative nature or the higher level of spirituality, it is called coupling.

If a person who knows nothing about the wisdom of Kabbalah begins to read Kabbalah books, he comes across many sexual concepts such as: coupling, upper kiss, lower kiss, practically the Kama Sutra.

It is actually because sex is at the basis of our desire that the wisdom of Kabbalah refers to it in such direct, very accurate, and correct language. If you wish to read a good sexual novel, you can read the The Study of the Ten Sefirot.
[200426]
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 12/28/16

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Question: What is the spiritual root of resentment? I am very touchy. I cannot cope with the emotions from being constantly offended by my husband. How do I learn to forgive?

Answer: What is the connection to your husband? The Creator is playing with you like this! He is pulling your strings. No one else is around you! Through this entire theater that is being portrayed for you, you are being influenced by the Creator, the upper force.

Begin to respond to Him, not to those puppets that surround you. I am not belittling their importance in any way, but only am saying that this is the way reality should be perceived.

After all, who is this person? No one and nothing. This is just a small mechanism, like a clockwork toy.

But, to the same degree that one begins to awaken, to invite higher influence upon oneself, and it begins to work within him, then one is changed. One becomes an Adam (Man). Then, one no longer jumps like a clockwork bunny. Instead, one begins to operate and move forward independently.

Therefore, you must not be offended by your husband or be angry with yourself that you cannot avoid being offended, etc. Let’s change ourselves with the help of the upper force!

Imagine that someone achieves the level of the Creator and begins to feel everything that He is doing within him: why He created him like this and what he must do with himself. It gradually becomes clear: I must become like the Creator! Nothing more and nothing less.
[201328]
From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 8/21/16

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Question: What is the special force of attraction in the tribe?

Answer: A tribe is a womb, a mother, and a place where I can feel confident and secure. We are constituted by nature so that when we are among relatives we don’t worry about anything. Even if there is nothing to eat and the future is unknown, even if there is a war, I am inside the general force of nature that protects me.

This is also a psychological protection anyone understands. It is felt even if we come from a big city to a small town. Apart from this, the sense of security comes not from people, but from nature in general. Nature is like a big mother, and I am inside a little mother—my tribe.

Family is the smallest tribe. A person comes home into a warm family atmosphere and all the troubles and problems of the big world calm down. At least for an evening he can forget about all his problems and enjoy family comfort and companionship. He was stressed, but here he as if lands on a cushion of air, on a warm, calm, soft cloud.

This feeling is necessary for a person, especially for a man. A woman, because she is closer to nature, can deal with problems more easily than a man. Men are brave and eager to fight, but it is from fear of the problems and insecurity.

The woman in the family, although she can appear worried externally, in fact is the source of strength and calmness. Man receives the feeling of calmness in the family from a woman, and it helps him balance his life and relieve pressure and stress.

The tribe is exactly that shell, that frame, that is specifically designed for a person to live inside of and not to come out. The exit from the single tribe and division into many nations happened in ancient Babylon when great egoism erupted in people and they could no longer understand each other. Then they began to disperse throughout the globe, increasing the distance from each other because they began to quarrel.

If at that time they could have overcome their increased egoism, they would have retained their tribal ties on a higher level, above the increasingly growing egoism. Then they would have discovered the inner force within themselves, the positive force of nature that balances the negative force of egoism.

This is the secret of the mother’s womb; there is a positive force that we have yet to discover. If people followed the advice of Abraham in ancient Babylon, they would have discovered the upper force, the positive force of nature.

But since they followed their egoism, they dispersed from Babylon in all directions and until today each nation feels itself completely separated. Even among the people who initially lived as a single tribe, no unity remains.

The more egoism grew, the more a person instinctively moved away from others so our egoistic interests wouldn’t face each other. This is how the the modern world was created.

However, in the last 30 to 40 years, the world became global and integral like a small village and our egos our pushed together again. So what have we achieved over 3.500 years? We thought we were making our lives better and more comfortable, but it turned out that we returned to what we left and it became even worse.

Instead of few million Babylonians, today there are billions of people on Earth who can’t get along with each other. Our egoism won’t allow us to live in peace. It turns out that we will have to follow the advice Abraham gave in ancient Babylon and build the tribe between us that has to exist even if it was destroyed 3,500 years ago.
[199168]
From KabTVs Program “A New Life” #794 11/29/16

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The Power of Women is Huge

The Pope: “A new Hitler may arise in Europe.” It is today’s extreme liberalism that has created extreme nationalism, isn’t it?

If women truly wish for a better world, it will come true. Not by protests though, by pushing for unity above all differences.
[201103]
From Twitter, 1/23/17

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Question: How can a good relationship and the feeling of the right connection be the perfect fulflillment for my wife?

Answer: A man’s good, positive attitude toward a woman will certainly fill her! There is nothing better than giving a woman attention since eventually she will realize that she doesn’t see it anywhere else and will want to be with you.

If a woman is attentive to a man and shows her concern for him and takes care of him, he will feel that she replaces his mother and will not be able to break away from her.
[197040]
From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 6/9/16

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In the News (The Wall Street Journal): “As more Israeli women push to join combat units, the military is opening more roles to them, but the moves have met resistance among some former soldiers and the religious community. …

“’I think that in the end the woman’s role is to be a mother and to bring children into the world,’ retired Brig. Gen Avigdor Kahalani, a former Israeli tank commander, told Army Radio last month.”

Question:  Soon afterward Kahalani was accused of chauvinism and of wanting women to stay in the kitchen serving the home and the family. What is your opinion on this matter?

Answer: I believe that General Kahalani is right. We cannot go against nature. It is above us and we cannot change it.

A woman is a woman. She should be a homemaker, give birth, and do housework, not shoot. It is not for her. That’s the way it should be according to the Torah and the wisdom of Kabbalah. Therefore, I advise we stop this in time. We have enough manpower to recruit only men to the army.

Question: Don’t you fear that women will be offended?

Answer: Of course not. It all depends on their upbringing. I am not demeaning them; I am only saying that we are different.

I served in the army for four years and can say I don’t see any point in men and women serving together in military units and especially not in combat units. It is a great responsibility.

Men should fight, but this is not for women. Their business is the home, family, giving birth. I am speaking from the perspective of Kabbalah and nature. Women may come to their senses only in another 30-35 years, after having made many mistakes, but they will not succeed in going against nature. Not with anything, and all the more so in this matter.

We mar human nature, both men’s nature and women’s nature. We have to distinguish between the two, and only then will our society function properly.

We are special creatures, both men and women, and we have to protect the female nature.
[198000]
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 11/23/16

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Question: Why do women feel more dependent on their husbands more before the divorce and men feel more dependent on women after the divorce?

Answer: I generally think that a bad marriage is better that a good divorce. When a couple is married, the man wants to be free because he feels that his wife is like a prison guard who follows him and constantly limits him. And when he gets divorced, he feels he lacks these “chains.” There are advantages and disadvantages to everything.

We have to know how to get along with each other. We need to understand the nature of man who wishes to escape like a little boy, and on the other hand, still wants to return to his wife and rest in her lap like a little boy in his mother’s lap. We are all naturally built in very different ways.
[197036]
From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 6/9/16

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Question: Should a husband and a wife study in the same Kabbalah group or is it better if they study in separate groups?

Answer: They should study in the same group since men and women have different groups of ten any way.

Question: What is the right prayer for my husband?

Answer: “Creator! I am asking you to help my husband be closer to me,” and that’s all!

Question: How should we avoid imposing our spiritual states, our egoistic assessments, and our personal views on to each other? How should I respond if my wife shares her feelings about the lessons with me?

Answer: You should treat her as your friend and not as your wife. When you engage in spiritual work, she is your friend and this is a small group for the two of you.

Question: Is the family at risk in the corporeal sense if a husband and a wife in the spiritual sense are both men?

Answer: No, they mutually impact each other each according to each one’s spiritual essence. What is more, their spiritual essence has nothing to do with corporeality. Therefore there is no nullification, but rather the opposite, they can express themselves better in the male or the female form, but it is important to support and keep the corporeal family life.

Question: How does the wisdom of Kabbalah explain unity and the struggle between opposites?

Answer: There is no struggle between opposites. There is only struggle for unity.

Question: Is the point in the heart a male or a female attribute?

Answer: The point in the heart is considered a male attribute. It isn’t a man in our world, but the attribute of bestowal, which can be typical of women just like men.

Question: Is there a difference between the words “friend” and “companion” according to the wisdom of Kabbalah?

Answer: No, friend, buddy, and companion are synonymous. What is important is the relationship, the connection, the yearning for a connection between you and the Creator.

Question: What is betrayal in the spiritual path?

Answer: A change of intention from bestowal and yearning for the Creator to the opposite direction.

Question: What are the criteria according to which a woman should choose a husband in order to build a family?

Answer: First, they have to be physically compatible to each other, and second, they have to have a desire to mutually concede to each other.

Question: What can you wish for our men?

Answer: Let’s learn to give in to our women, but I would also like to say the same thing to the women. Mutual consent is what builds the right connection between friends, in a family, and between our children and us. Let’s all learn this. Good luck and happiness to all of you!
[197158]
From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 6/26/16

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