Question: Why is it that when I discover at least some love for the friends, I don’t find a place for effort?
Answer: Such a thing cannot be. Specifically with effort above your ego, in yearning to connect with the friends, love is revealed in the Ohr Hozer (Returning Light) above the Masach (screen), above the Tzimtzum (restriction). That is how the conditions for feeling love are discovered.
And this doesn’t relax a person like physical love does; on the contrary, he constantly holds onto the tension. He enters into or goes out of love, adjusting it qualitatively and quantitatively, in order to be in it all the time above his ego, in opposition to it. These complex aggressive actions don’t relax a person. It is necessary to activate them all the time.
From the Convention In Sochi “Day Two” 7/14/14, Lesson 6