Question: Can I oblige myself to change internally? Is there such an action? For example, if I constantly think and worry about the friends’ intentions and set an alarm clock to remind me to do that, will I be able to measure the result of these efforts?
Answer: I don’t know the result. I exert myself and I don’t know what I will find.
Question: How can I examine things this way? What is the purpose of such a study?
Answer: Carrying it out. If you did it, the result will be positive. All other questions and claims come from the ego, “What do I get from this? Do I lose anything?”
Try to detach yourself as much as you can: There is a mission and I don’t need anything else. The alarm clock rings and I think about the friends. Then they disappear from my sight until the next ring. That’s all.
We can succeed. The problem is the inner weakness: You don’t have enough audacity. After all, audacity towards Heaven opens up the doors for you.
At the moment you see things intelligently and without attracting attention you are trying to turn the doorknob quietly and slip inside. But no, you should pound on the door so that it will swing open.
Question: How can I acquire this audacity towards Heaven?
Answer: Audacity is not when I doubt things indecisively: “Is it worth it? Perhaps we are not worthy of it yet? Perhaps we should first accumulate power and knowledge….” Audacity is when I demand although I know that I don’t deserve it. I know it and I demand it as if the Creator owes me.
And this is justified. I understand that I cannot exit my ego, that the Creator has created me this way so that I cannot really connect with the friends. I know that I am standing in front of a wall because I have discovered this after the efforts I have made. I have already tried many things and I have already attained certain things, but all my achievements are futile in front of this wall. Each time the evil inclination overtakes me and tells me: “Wait a while, you still have to finish what you haven’t had a chance to. Perhaps in a month or two, maybe brush up on Shamati, and accumulate power… but now you are not ready yet. Let the others try.”
There must be audacity here, but very serious and thorough audacity: “I deserve it and that’s it.” This isn’t a senseless attack but a careful calculation. I bring the efforts I made with me; I don’t simply demand things, and I do it together with the friends. It makes no difference whether we look like a gang of criminals and not a consolidated group, we demand decisively, as brave people who will not give up.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/30/12, “Introduction to the Study of the Ten Sefirot”