Michael Laitman, On Quora: “Dating and Relationships: What are the keys to a successful relationship?“

The key to a successful relationship is in the willingness to concede. Upon mutual concessions, partners have the ability to grow their love for each other.

One who concedes in a relationship gains peace, connection, tranquility and love. It leads to positive connection and one that is not based on pride and domination. My teacher, Rabash, once used to say that “a family can exist only out of mutual concessions.” We need to love, to treat each other amiably, concede to each other, and by doing so we gain a sensation that we call “love.”

Concession depends solely on you. There is no need to pressure the other. If you exercise concession, then you will see what a powerful weapon it is, and through your examples to concede, you will simply win over your partner.

Based on a talk with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

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Question: Could you please explain a couple of your unfinished Kabbalistic haiku. What thought did you put into them?

Constantly waiting,
holding my breath,
here it comes…

What is this “it”?

Answer: It is different for everyone. Let’s say inspiration.

Inspiration to rise to the level of a muse. In order to fill up with fresh air. And from there you are already able to embody some of the rudiments of thoughts and feelings that would open up more and become more tangible, with the ability to express them, put them into words, and clothe them in something.

Question: Do you mean that when you write or speak, you need this living air to be filling you?

Answer: What would I write otherwise?!

Question: Is there no point otherwise?

Answer: It is not that there is no point, it is impossible!

Question: What is the living air that makes you write and gives you the ability to write?

Answer: If I feel an inner pressure within myself, then I write.

Today I cannot write, already for several years I cannot write. No one needs it. What is the point? When everything is already clear, what needs to be done, but people are downhearted.

Question: You cannot write, but you can speak. I see it in the way you speak and the way people react. People hear more and more of what you say. Maybe one quality has turned into another?

Answer: We live in a time when, of course, people are changing involuntarily. I am sure that we are now at a stage where, maybe, in another year or two, they will feel that they have to fly out of themselves, that it is impossible to keep within themselves like this anymore.

Question: A bird in a cage?

Answer: Yes. They will feel the need to fly somewhere out of this body, out of this limitation, out of all this.

Question: When you say “fly out of the body,” what does it mean?

Answer: It means that I want to live with other goals, other symbols, ones that are not limited. Our egoism suffocates us. We do not understand this, but it suffocates us. We just have to break away from it completely! But this is not possible.

This is not possible in the usual ways. But if we really want to, then we will blow up whatever is holding us back, these forces, and break out of them. We will break out.

I am sure that this will happen. However, not through our own efforts, but with the upper force of nature, which we will be able to summon after all so that it would break our limits and pull us out.

This is like birth, the way a newborn comes out of its mother. After all, this is practically an animalistic action, and she pushes him out because life can no longer remain inside her, it must already be free and exist outside. I hope that we will get through it all.

These are labor pains. This is what we are waiting for, and we do not have them in ourselves. We are waiting for when they will come, appear, and begin to squeeze us out of this world into a new world.

Comment: You really are a poet. And a romantic.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/5/21

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Question: How is data transferred from one reincarnation to another?

Answer: It is simple. Our body, which seemingly exists, accompanies us in this world. When it dies it seems to us that nothing is left, but it is actually then that we begin to feel that our life is in our soul.

Our body conceals and blocks the soul and doesn’t let us feel it. The ego seems to constantly pull us aside and throw us to a certain place, which is the reason we don’t feel the soul inside us.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 8/18/19

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In the article “The Last Generation,” Baal HaSulam writes about a future world in which there will be no states, only one social system, you can call it communist from the word “commune,” social equality.

There will be no equalization, pressure, or artificially imposed relationships with each other. People will simply understand and feel everything because the upper world will be revealed to them. With the help of Kabbalah, they will discover it for themselves and see that if they live in good relations, it will be good for them too.

For example, I cannot hurt myself by jumping from a height of five-meters or sticking my hand into a fire because I can see clearly the damage I would be doing to myself. Similarly, if the global system of our interconnection is revealed to us, then of course I will not harm other people because I will see how it comes right back to me.

I just need to see the system of our complete internal communication, and then in no case will I wish harm to someone or strive to gain a better fortune at the expense of others, because by doing this I will hurt myself much more than I think I will gain. This is how the system of our relationship works, only it is not visible to us. We need to reveal it.

The science of Kabbalah allows us to do this. Then we will not need any teachings, philosophies, political sciences, formations, no abstruse stuff. We just need to reveal the system of connection between us that exists in nature. That is when we will act correctly among ourselves, like good kids.
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From Kab TV’s “Close-Up. Reference Point” 9/9/09

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In the News (CityinFocus): “In December of 2012, Spanish athlete Iván Fernández Anaya was competing in a cross-country race in Spain. He was running second, some distance behind race leader Abel Mutai (bronze medalist in the 3,000-meter steeplechase at the London Olympics). Close to the finish line, Iván saw Abel–certain to be the winner of the race–pull up about 10 meters before the finish line. He had become confused by the signage and stopped, thinking he had already completed the race.

“Iván was right behind him and, realizing what was happening, started shouting at the Kenyan to continue running, but Abel didn’t understand Spanish. Realizing what was taking place, Iván approached Abel and gently pushed him forward to victory.

“When a journalist asked Iván, ‘Why did you do that?’ he replied, ‘My dream is that someday we can have a kind of community life where we push and help each other to win.’ The journalist insisted, ‘But why did you let the Kenyan win?’ Iván responded, ‘I didn’t let him win; he was going to win. The race was his.’ The journalist again said, ‘But you could have won!’ Iván looked at him and replied, ‘But what would be the merit of my victory? What would be the honour in that medal? What would my mother think of that?’ The world has made Iván a hero, pointing to him as an icon of sportsmanship.

Answer: This is some answer! That is, his mother apparently is a mother who would shame him for not doing this. This is upbringing.

Question: The shame that someone feels, is it good?

Answer: It means a lot, of course. Moreover, it involves his mom.

Comment: This was almost the main factor for him, apparently.

My Response: Yes. If the Olympic athlete says so it is great!

Question: Why don’t we live like this? So, I read this, and I immediately have such a warm feeling.

Answer: Of course! This man showed the real Man within.

Comment: This is sport!

My Response: Yes, undoubtedly! Not what we have today: dope, cheating, anything to win.

Question: So, do you think that a huge degradation has happened since 2012?

Answer: It happened of course. But still, you see, there are people who cannot go for it.

Question: Why does a person not adjust himself to live like this? Why doesn’t humanity come to this?

Answer: A person should still receive satisfaction even from this. We are not talking about him going by faith above reason, about bestowing against his nature, and so on. But within his nature, through education, he can make it so that he cannot steal, he cannot betray, he cannot do something that is against people, against others. Education means a lot.

Question: Do you think that education can achieve this?

Answer: Not in the form that we talk about in Kabbalah, but it is possible. At least universal human values can be achieved by education.

Question: From the point of view of Kabbalah, does this spark of goodness and bestowal exist in a person? Is it there or not?

Answer: Every person has it. Everyone! Absolutely! It all depends only on the style of upbringing and the intensity of upbringing, the ability to educate, etc. so that it would be possible to instill bestowal above reception in a person, so that he could even give his life for the life of another.

These are not spiritual qualities yet, but this is something that would, of course, be incomparably better, some indicators in human society in comparison with what we have today.

Today everything is directed only at me, someone beloved, dear, and unique—by all means

Question: And what does education lead to in Kabbalah? For this spark to turn to fire?

Answer: In Kabbalah, this is very specific. That is, it is necessary to convince a person that it is impossible to live differently because everything is programmed by nature. And after that, to explain to him where to get this supernatural force of nature, which must replace his egoism.

Comment: That is, instead of living for yourself, live for others. You can find it only outside yourself. You will not find it in yourself.

My Response: You cannot find it. And education will not help here. Education works at human level, but this is above human.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/5/21

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Question: Does asking of the Creator mean asking of the friends?

Answer: No. Asking the Creator and asking the friends is not the same thing. The Creator is not a friend. We say: “Me, the group, the Creator,” which means that I must connect these three parameters and try to see that they are interdependent.

Imagine that just how you establish relationships with the friends, you also establish a relationship with the Creator. You need the force of bestowal in order to establish the right relations with the friends, and I ask the Creator for this force.

First, I must connect to the Creator, but I do not have the power to do it, and so I turn to the Creator (1) in order to receive the power to connect (2) from Him.

It makes no difference how I turn to the Creator, but I need this force in order to connect to the friends, because without it, I will not be able to establish any connection with them. I am a individualist and I do not want any connection with anyone. People who reach the wisdom of Kabbalah are absolute individualists.

My request from the Creator is to receive the power to unite with the group (3) from Him. With this power I turn to the group, receive its influence, and thus find the Creator. This is how it works (green line in the drawing).

First I use the Creator in order to have the power to connect, and then I already discover it as the Creator.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 2/13/19

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Preparation to the Lesson

Writings of Baal HaSulam, Shamati #25 “Things that Come from the Heart”

Writings of Baal HaSulam, Shamati #23 “One’s Future Depends and Is Tied to Gratitude for the Past”

Writings of Baal HaSulam, “Preface to the Wisdom of Kabbalah,” Item 70

Selected Highlights

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In order for a prayer to awaken the upper force to answer, it must resemble the upper force to some extent. That is, it should be on the same wave-length, the same frequency as the upper force.

The upper force works for bestowal, which means that our prayer must be close to bestowal to some extent. At least a little bit! And then, to this extent, we obligate the Creator, the upper force, to hear this request and to respond.
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From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/15/21, Shamati #20 “Lishma (For Her Sake)”

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We are trying to get closer and closer to our friends because we understand that if we do not achieve connection, we will not feel anything but this world. We will not escape from the individual perception of reality in which we feel nothing but ourselves.

Instead of the true reality, a person feels, sees, and understands only what is inside him, inside his desire to receive. And this is a picture of this world that is deceptive and opposite of the true reality.

Therefore, we need to understand three things. The first is that without connection between us, we will not be able to feel the upper world. The second is that we will never be able to achieve this connection. And the third is that it is possible only with the help of the upper force, the force of bestowal and unity. To the extent that the upper one gives us His power, we will advance to a connection within which we can feel the spiritual world and the Creator.

And the fact that we do not want to get closer is given to us to help us begin to understand what we lack and what hinders us. And then, in order to reverse this resistance into connection and turn it into its opposite—approaching spirituality—we need prayer.

We need a request to the Creator to turn the force of our egoism, rejection, hatred, passion, pride, ambition, all our aspirations to distance ourselves from others, into its opposite, into connection. The Creator is able to do it! We only need to ask.
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From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/15/21, Shamati #20 “Lishma (For Her Sake)”

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