Question: You said you could not rest; you were always looking for something. Did you understand what you were looking for? This is a personal question for you.
Answer: Not quite. The meaning of life. What is going on with me? How should I act to find answers to the questions? This type of questions.
Question: So something did not satisfy you?
Answer: Sure, I was dissatisfied with meaninglessness.
Comment: Scientific work is pointless, as is…
My Response: Of course, all that is…
Question: Was there some kind of premonition that it had to be somewhere, that you must seek it?
Answer: In general, it is somewhere because nature itself does not tolerate this emptiness. It screams outright, screams there is a goal and there is truth, and it is for everyone although each person may have their own, but one can find it.
Question: Did you feel this inner cry?
Answer: Yes, of course.
Question: Did you reach a point where if you could not achieve your goal, there was no point in living?
Answer: Definitely. For many years it was meaningless.
Question: How did you come out of these states?
Answer: It is not easy, but I think a lot of people are still in such a state.
The most important thing is to understand that it does not depend on you, it is given to you from above, it is a gift from nature. And you must keep looking for answers to the question of your fate.
Comment: That is, on a positive note, you keep going, you are not stopping.
My Response: Absolutely, yes.
Question: How long do these states last: “If I do not find it, life is not worth living”? Are these statements internal?
Answer: I have had it for decades.
Question: What is the most important moment in your life?
Answer: The most important moment was when I found my teacher. I realized that a great happiness had befallen me now.
Question: In all the time that you have been studying Kabbalah, have you ever regretted it?
Answer: No. How could it have happened?
Comment: Probably the person asking may have doubts.
My Response: Doubts, meaning to forget and fall asleep?
Comment: I do not know, maybe there is something else.
My Response: I am not hiding from anything, and I am not turning a blind eye to anything; there simply is nothing else.
Question: You have been studying for a long time. More than forty years, nearly fifty. Was there no moment of doubt? Have you ever regretted it? Or were there some doubts like if you were in the right place?
Answer: No, such depth and horizons are revealed to you that you have nothing more to look for. Either you give it up, or you stay with it.
Question: So you never had any doubts, and you went along with it. But you did go through different states, right?
Answer: Of course.
Question: Why are these states given on the path?
Answer: To test yourself.
Question: So, you were questioning yourself?
Answer: Yes. “Do I need it?”
Question: “Am I in the right place?” Did you ask yourself this?
Answer: “Am I in the right place?” Not really. Whether I have the right sources, whether the methodology is correct, whether I should behave this way—all such questions were there.
Question: How did you answer these questions?
Answer: My answer was that I did not believe in anything, and therefore—to check.
Question: Is there anything in life you regret most and would like to take back and do differently?
Answer: Yes, I would like to take back and redo absolutely everything except my choice in life. That is, the choice itself is correct, but its implementation could have been more intense.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/1/24
Related Material:
In Search of the Meaning of Life
From a Feeling of Deep Dissatisfaction
Life In Search
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