Question: Do you remember what you were like before you felt a spiritual connection? When you found a teacher, did you also ponder questions about the meaning of life?

Answer: I pondered these questions probably from the age of five or six. I was greatly consumed by it. I absolutely did not want to live; I had a clear mindset that if this life had no meaning, then what was the point of being in it? I could not see any purpose unless I received an answer about the meaning of life itself.

It was very difficult for me until I found Kabbalah. I was constantly searching.

In my younger years, I would distract myself, but it was only an external distraction. I looked at others and tried to emulate them: “They see meaning in what they do, so I will be with them.” They attended certain gatherings and were passionate about something, and I tried to do the same, but for some reason, it did not captivate me. That was the case throughout my life.

I think it is not just me; it happens to many people. Some manage to distract themselves and fill their heads with other things while others cannot. But then they get married, have children, get caught up in work and maintenance, and they no longer have any free time or thoughts about the meaning of life.

Comment: But then you eventually met your teacher.

My Response: I met him because I was searching; I could not calm down in any other way.

Question: When you were with your teacher, did you feel that this person has the answers to your questions?

Answer: Yes, but he could not do anything for me or the other students. Like any Kabbalist, he only provided us with the methodology, and we had to do all the corrections ourselves. Each person had to go through this stage; otherwise, they could not attain the feeling of the upper world.

This feeling is created by each person within himself through various contrasting sensations: positive and negative. They must accumulate all these feelings, become aware of them, compare them within themselves, and be ready to taste the upper world. That is when they reveal it.

The teacher cannot do this for the student. The Creator cannot do it for us.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Laitman Outside of Kabbalah” 3/6/11

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