As long as I can remember, I have always had a tendency to think globally and understand the whole picture of the world and how much everything in it is interconnected. It was very hard for me without it.

I did not like something separate, for example, to retire to the garage and be a good mechanic, to breed bees, or to grow potatoes in the garden.

Of course, I can exist like this physically, but I need to know everything internally. I feel bad without it. This is my inner flaw. I have to embrace the whole universe within myself. Not the depth of everything: physiology, biology, mathematics, physics, or anything else, not even the system of the upper world, but its interaction.

I wanted to consume, absorb, the feeling and understanding of how it all moves so that I would be aware of it all, understand it, and feel it so that it all lived in me. This has always been such a passion, I would say bodily necessity.

Because of this, I could not find myself and I felt depressed. In a corporeal sense, my life was relatively simple and easy. Of course, sometimes it was hard, but literally for a few years. I have a wonderful family and a devoted wife who raised our children because I did not really do much with them. All the time I was just consumed by the desire to feel everything.
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From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. A Man in the State of Attainment” 7/21/13

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