Michael Laitman, On Quora: “How can I destroy my ego (self)?“

We do not need to destroy the ego.

What we should do is construct a new level of love, altruism and positive connection to others and nature above it. The inclination to create a new positive attitude above the ego is described in the wisdom of Kabbalah as covering with “love above the crimes.”

If we try to destroy the ego, we will only make it twice as bad. We should not touch the ego, neither to decrease nor to increase it. On the contrary, we should solely concentrate on constructing a positive attitude of love, altruism, kindness and caring for others above the ego.

The ego’s purpose is to lead us to the realization of its evilness, that by desiring to benefit at the expense of others and nature we harm everybody including ourselves. However, such a revelation should act as a springboard by which we leap to act in an opposite loving and caring way toward others above the ego. We will then discover how all the evil in our world, which is based on the egoistic quality within us, exists solely in order to lead us to goodness.

In order to reach happier, more balanced and harmonious lives, we need to engage in creation, not in destruction. If we shift our emphasis outside of our egoistic level entirely, and focus completely on building a new society of positively connected individuals, with threads of love, altruism and kindness dwelling in our connections, then we will invite the positive altruistic forces dwelling in nature into our connections, and start seeing how a whole new harmonious world opens up to us.

Based on KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” on February 18, 2021. Written/edited by Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
Photo by Liz Dougherty on Unsplash.

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A Quiet Revolution In The Family

In the past, we could establish some contact between one another with the help of simple psychology, and thus balance our lives. There was the female part, the male part, and the common part. We had to do this in order to generate the third part.

On the whole, every family replicated this ancient model and everything was clear. Today, however, the ties have been broken and this model no longer exists. The ego has grown so much that a man does not want to work for his family and a woman does not want kids or a family, although these are basically the most natural things for her. The motherly instinct is no longer active.

For a man, the questions “Why should I work for others?” and “Why shouldn’t she go out to work?” come up. This is exactly the point at which professions and opportunities for women to work outside the home and demand equal rights like men gradually develop. There is usually a demand for women in places where men cannot work like in secretarial jobs and there are also opportunities for jobs like managing countries that open up for women.

Generally speaking, the world has changed a lot during the last century and something has happened: an unnoticed revolution has taken place quietly. Now, the question of “How should we continue from here and what should we do with ourselves and the world?” should arise in us.

We already find it hard to establish contact between one another these days and our egos control us.

We don’t want families and children anymore. We want to create a world in which each one feels comfortable. This means that I won’t need anything and that modernization will serve me. Drones will fly through my window, provide me with pizza and cola, and everything will be just fine.

Soon we will develop such technology that everyone will have an “oven” in his room, pizza will be sent directly by special pipelines, it will materialize there, and we will be able to consume it.

In short, we will do anything in order to somehow tear a person from his ordinary natural world and we cannot do anything about it since this plan is embedded in nature. But, thanks to the wisdom of Kabbalah, we can picture what will happen in the future.

Very interesting things will happen in the future. We will suddenly discover that we have attained a level of development that depresses us terribly. Everything will be seemingly fine, but we actually won’t feel any pleasure at all and will not find any satisfaction in anything.

In the past, a person was satisfied just knowing that he would come home from work, sit with his family around the dinner table, and dine together. There were kids and there was the warmth of the family and peace. This was ordinary family life for a person, but when the ego grew, a person understood that this is no longer for him.

Interestingly, family life among animals lasts a very short time. After all, animals could also be subjected to a lifelong plan, but they are not! They meet, copulate, the female is generally left on her own to raise her offspring while the male abandons them, and there is actually no family. They do not live as couples after that and do not take care of their offspring together, except for a few species.

There are very few examples in nature where the male and the female stay together for many years, whereas people live in a family for a reason.

Psychologists explain that this is necessary in order to create an increasingly greater society in the form of a state. A person is drawn to that in order to develop from a small community into a big state. In a community, everything was done together and so there were no families there. Then, the need to have his own home and his own family emerged in man, differently from animals that live in caves or in the bush and don’t need anything more than that.

Today, it is not clear which phase we are developing into by rejecting everything that used to be typical for man including a home, a family, and children. We are confused and the family institution is falling apart. Grown children live with their parents since why should they leave home if it is so good with mom and dad? Or, they may leave their homes and not have any contact with their parents. This is the state we are in today.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 3/3/19

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Why Has the Balance in Family Life Been Disrupted?

Question: What prevents a married couple from managing their egoistic nature? After all, they both want to be happy with what they create between them.

Answer: A couple doesn’t fully understand where they are, which forces influence them, and why everything in the corporeal world is divided into male and female.

In our world the relations between the created being and the Creator are somehow imprinted in the relations between the sexes, although there are masculine and feminine attributes in both males and females.

However, we cannot come to any connection with each other. Still, when we establish any connection with each other we see that to the extent that we develop egoistically from one generation to the next, we actually draw further away from each other. It seems that we can get closer to each other in the sense of gender these days and to understand each other better, but it isn’t really so.

The ego that develops awakens even greater resistance and rejection in us. Throughout human history men and women always knew what fate designated for them. A man had to provide bread for the family and a woman had to manage the home.

A home is the woman, and she is responsible for managing the household and for raising the children, and the man has to provide all their needs. A couple understood that this is how they shared their responsibilities and so they carried the burden of life. It stemmed from the nature of family life as their grandfathers and grandmothers and fathers and mothers set such an example for them.

Suddenly, about 100 years ago all this began to fall apart all over the world. It did not matter whether a country was developed or not, the breakdown was the same. It took place in all the conservative and orthodox communities, and even in fanatic Islamic communities.

The plan of creation brings us to the point that we cannot do anything. Our egoism has grown so much that we can no longer leave the woman at home so that she can bring up the children and cook while the man goes out to work. This is impossible today, and so we ask ourselves, “How do we continue to live?”

This is where the revelation of the wisdom of Kabbalah comes in, in order to explain to us what the right relationship between a man and woman is because today it is impossible to achieve it in the same way as in the past.
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From KabTV’s “Fundamentals of Kabbalah” 3/3/19

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Question: What does it mean to correct your inner nature?

Answer: All our problems rest only upon the fact that we behaved incorrectly throughout all our life cycles.

Our human evolution was vicious and was driven by egoism, the desire to use our environment and nature for momentary pleasure and ignoring any restrictions.

Now we begin to recognize this as evil. Gradually, we will see what we really should be from the point of view of nature. And looking at our mistakes, we will begin to correct ourselves. As a result, we will have something to correct—all our past mistakes. We had to walk this path to the full realization of evil. Therefore, the science of Kabbalah has been hidden all these millennia.

It was waiting for us to finally realize that we were at an impasse. We must do something. But we don’t know how. That is when it opens up and offers itself. And now, by correcting our past—everything egoism has done to us and to nature—we will learn the algorithm of nature, its upper force, the Creator. We will know His desires, His thoughts, what nature wants from us, and we will begin to connect with this level, develop the “Man” in us.

Man is something that will grow in us above our egoistic level. In Hebrew, man is called Adam, from the word “Domeh”—like the Creator. Thus, the part that we will juxtapose to nature, grow inside us, correct from past mistakes, will be called the human in us. As for today, we are not yet human. Therefore it is said: “That is, the “man” power within him is very weak and he is like all other animals.

Question: Why then do animals suffer?

Answer: Inanimate, vegetative, and animate nature suffers only because of man.

Man, being the most complex, composite level of creation includes everything else. And when he falls, all falls with him, and when he rises, all rise.

By starting to correct ourselves, we will suddenly see how the surrounding nature is restored, is revived.

Every year, a large number of different species of animals and plants disappear. In the depths of the sea, the same thing happens. And not because we burn forests or drain water reservoirs. All this is only because of our inner egoistic state. As soon as we begin to change it, the world will again become harmonious on all levels.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Marriage Contract” 8/19/09

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Question: Was the entire development of humanity only to come to an understanding of the collapse of egoistic development?

Answer: This goal is foreseen by nature. It is described in The Book of the Zohar to the smallest consequences up to our time and even further.

Question: Why did humanity need the path of suffering?

Answer: We need to be aware of our state of impasse, our wrong behavior, and all the bumps we have felt so that then we have something to fix.

It is from the realization of evil and its gradual, consistent correction that we will begin to understand the program of nature. We must definitely see that in this I was wrong, in this I went wrong. We will remember the entire history of mankind—how we gnawed, killed each other, fought, divorced, got together, died, lived, and corrected it because it was egotistically wrong.

Correcting it now, in ourselves, we should not go back thousands of years. Everything will happen very quickly, within months. But it is by feeling, realizing, and correcting our various past problems and mistakes, which we have accumulated throughout the entire development of civilization, that we come to know the upper layer of nature, the upper governance.

Why did it negatively affect us? It is according to our negative behavior. And if I change this behavior to a positive one, how will it affect me? In practice, I follow the same program, only I correct it.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Marriage Contract” 8/19/09

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My new article on Linkedin “Criticism – a Progeny of the Ego”

To an extent, we’re all critical of others. In fact, criticizing others is a treat few can pass up. Regrettably, criticism is actually our own ego adoring itself. Self-righteousness and righteous indignation give us such a sense of superiority that most of us cannot resist.

We always compare ourselves to others. Whether we’re aware of it or not, this is how we develop self-esteem. Therefore, the lower I view others, the higher I view myself. And if I can’t elevate myself, I will engage solely in lowering others. This is the reason for our tendency to patronize and belittle other people. Just as people once believed that the Earth is at the center of the universe, we, too, feel that we are the center of Creation this way, even if we don’t admit it to ourselves.

Currently, our egos have grown to a point where they wish to destroy others. It is evident primarily in international relations, but if you consider the rising social tensions between ethnic groups, cultures, religions, and political views, it is clear that we are heading for a clash. The only way to prevent it is to realize that we are dependent on each other. Without the existence of the opposite view, my own view will become null and void.

However, like all other inherently negative traits, we can turn criticism into a constructive force that brings a lot of good. Envy is a potent and tormenting emotion. When we see others succeed, it arouses in us both envy and fear for our position. Naturally, we will criticize them passionately. However, had it not been for envy, we would not have created civilization. Envy creates competition, and competition creates progress. If we understand this, we will realize that our own development depends on the development of others. The trick is to keep the envy and the competition balanced, and not go overboard, as is happening today.

Currently, our egos have grown to a point where they wish to destroy others. It is evident primarily in international relations, but if you consider the rising social tensions between ethnic groups, cultures, religions, and political views, it is clear that we are heading for a clash. The only way to prevent it is to realize that we are dependent on each other. Without the existence of the opposite view, my own view will become null and void. Moreover, we wouldn’t even think in the direction we are thinking now, since our view is a reaction to the opposite view.

Take Socialism, for example. Without Capitalism, the whole idea of Socialism would not have emerged, and the noble ideas about society it has contributed would never have appeared.

We therefore see that criticism, the progeny of the ego, is ruinous unless we realize that precisely thanks to the matter or the person being criticized, there is merit to our criticism and our own ideas. If we keep this in mind, criticism will lead to growth and prosperity. Otherwise, we’d better keep it to ourselves, for our own good.

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Comment: A few decades ago, the human factor was emphasized in the relationship between men and women.

My Response: Today, this factor does not exist at all. Even then, a man was very small, ostentatious. Men and women played flirting games with each other. It was a superficial, external culture.

But inside, it wasn’t like that. People had a little selfishness, less demand on each other. They were more dependent on society: I can’t get a divorce, I’m held back by some social framework, laws, and conventions.

None of this is happening now. I calmly talk about everything: who I am, what I am, what my sexual inclinations are, what I have on the side. And nothing. I’m free, I’m an adult, and that’s it.

It turns out that the family in this form cannot exist for a long time. We are leading ourselves to its final disintegration. This is only hindered by the fact that there are still various societies in the world, for example, Catholic and Muslim, which are against divorce.

China and India have not yet outgrown their traditional framework. Wait a couple more years, and we’ll see the world in a perfect farce. Then people will finally understand that they have broken all the boundaries with their egoism and made themselves unmanageable. And without control, we go into such chaos that a person just has to close their eyes to not see anything. This is the only way he can be saved.

It is then that people will come to understand that they need to know the source of nature, why this happens, how to correct themselves and their attitude to nature. And then they will need Kabbalah.

Question: What does it mean to correct yourself?

Answer: To correct means, without limiting yourself, to properly manage your egoistic nature. Egoism is good because it moves us forward. But it moves us incorrectly, because we are under it, we indulge it.

And if we can manage it properly to move toward the goal set by nature, if we see our future, which in principle is already prepared for us, then we will achieve universal harmony.

The problem is that a person does not know what is ahead of him, what will happen today in a minute, and even more so tomorrow. And Kabbalah reveals this perspective, and it becomes clear to us where to go. And then immediately there is a correct analysis of good and evil, what needs to be eliminated and what does not.

But today, everyone judges the world by himself, everyone believes that he is right. And so the world is what it is.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Common Law Marriage” 8/11/09

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Question: You say that we should not consume more than our body requires. Until a certain point, humanity followed this path. What happened next?

Answer: Then man began to develop incorrectly due to incorrect social development. The fact is that if a person existed on his own, regardless of society, then he would only do things in order to maintain his body, provide himself with the necessary nutrition, and ensure his procreation.

That is, all our bodily needs are reduced to food, sex, and family. We have natural internal needs for them, and within this framework they have to be realized.

But man is also under the control of the environment. In animals, the relationship between them and the environment is clearly regulated by their instincts. And we, people, develop huge social desires for wealth, power, fame, and knowledge that go beyond our instincts.

These four kinds of desires can only be satisfied at the expense of society. Self-provision is not called wealth. Wealth is measured in relation to others, as are power and fame. And knowledge is in relation to all of nature.

In other words, when my egoistic desires go beyond what is necessary for my body and exceed the normal fulfillment required to exist for a certain number of years, I begin to subjugate the surrounding nature and society. It is then that egoism manifests itself, which ultimately destroys us.

Question: On what basis does a Kabbalist claim that the essence of man is the desire to enjoy?

Answer: This question should not be addressed to a Kabbalist. Everyone knows this: biologists, zoologists, physiologists, and psychologists. Man only desires pleasure. We see the world only from the perspective of where can you receive the maximum pleasure or what should you run away from, so that it does not hurt.

Only toward pleasures and only far away from suffering, this is how we are directed, this is how we act, willing or not.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Marriage Contract” 8/19/09

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Humanity in its development has advanced to the current level and now begins to understand that everything that society imposes on us, in principle, is to our detriment. We litter the environment, kill our life, disconnect from the family, from our children.

Instead of working a few hours a day and getting only the necessities of life, a person works twelve hours a day. For what? Only to produce what is considered valuable by society, otherwise, he will not respect himself, how he will look at his neighbors, and how his children will look at him.

It turns out that it is a vicious cycle created by us, which makes us much more unhappy than animals.

Question: A person is a desire to enjoy, he is drawn to what, as it seems to him, makes sense. He runs after some wrappings and thinks that in this he will find something, but in the end he finds nothing. What, in principle, is he to blame? And what is it all for?

Answer: So that we are disappointed in our natural, thoughtless, selfish development, and see how all this leads us to complete destruction. Look what families, children, and homes are now! All the most ordinary, natural, healthy, and normal suddenly disappears somewhere, distorts, and breaks. We cannot enjoy even such simple things.

We have invented all sorts of values and standards for ourselves, and we chase them. And as a result, we get depressed, which today is the first problem in the world, and we use drugs, otherwise we will not be able to keep up with this pace or this life in which I hate everyone, including myself.

Everyone needs a personal psychologist. Children at the age of twelve or thirteen leave home, break away from their parents. Where are they, what’s wrong with them?

Now a generation is growing that cannot get anything from us. We have nothing to give them. Baby animals are always raised by their parents. In this respect, we are the same animals. Who will bring up our children? What skills will they be able to acquire on their own? Imagine what kind of suffering they will have to go through in life before they find the correct algorithm of behavior.
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Marriage Contract” 8/19/09

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Question: What is a person, according to Kabbalah? What is his essence?

Answer: The nature of our world is divided into inanimate, vegetative, and animate levels. According to our current state, we belong to the animate level, because like any animal, we are engaged in the maintenance of our body, our earthly life.

Except animals serve themselves with the help of instincts within the framework that commands them and pushes them to ensure their existence, and we are commanded not only by personal instincts, but mainly by those that are determined by society, the environment.

In principle, animals also have a family, a camp, leaders. But still, it is based on a clearly natural, instinctive control that comes from within. Their hierarchy and struggle are realized directly and simply, while in humans it is very difficult.

We do not understand by what algorithm we should act in connection with each other and in connection with the surrounding society. We are not aware of how society commands us and determines our development, our values, and how it guides us.

In this, man is simply confused and unhappy compared to animals. They know exactly what they want, they are in clear preservation of their offspring and their environment as far as ecology allows them. But a human is not.

It is constantly aimed at self-destruction. After all, what is given to us by nature is not directed to our earthly development. We should not develop only in the plane of serving our body, pushing unnecessary pleasures, food, sex, wealth, and so on into ourselves. We see that, in fact, it does not bring any happiness or fulfillment, no real profit, but only darkens our lives.

We are misdirecting all our actions. If we could correctly use our social desires—fame, power, wealth, knowledge—to direct us to attain a higher level, to the state of “human,” then we would really reach the level of “Human.”
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From KabTV’s “Close-Up. Marriage Contract” 8/19/09

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