Comment: Most of us are familiar with situations of inequality when one tramples on the other with his “moral superiority.” Researchers are wondering: what strategies help people avoid, tolerate, fight, and defeat those who treat them like an empty space?

Harvard biologist Edward Wilson shared a charming story…The story tells of two porcupines huddled together to keep warm on a cold night. When they got too close, they pricked each other with their needles, so they decided to warm themselves separately. But then they got too cold. After numerous attempts to get comfortable, they finally found a distance where they were comfortable and warm enough. They have since called this distance decency and good manners (Psychology, Harvard Business Review Russia).

Answer: Indeed, this is how we invent the rules of behavior and good manners that enter our lives. In other words, we kind of “paint over” our egoism, limit ourselves to palliatives, “trim the needles.” But they grow back.

We need to correct the egoistic nature of man so everyone acts for the benefit of others, and everyone feels good. This is a difficult correction, but only in this case will a person live in a kind “world without needles” where everyone is assured of being treated well.
[225589]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 4/15/18

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Question: In Israel, parents of small children aged three months to three years took to the streets to demand that the Ministry of Education and the government establish oversight over nurseries. We know of numerous cases where caregivers treated infants inadequately and abusively, and even lead to fatal outcomes.

Why does hatred arise toward what seems to be the kindest and most innocent thing in the world, a small child?

Answer: Firstly, these are other people’s children, not their own. Although even with their own such attitudes can occur.

The thing is, love and hate, life and death, are very close to one another, practically side by side. They accompany each other and sometimes literally replace one another.

This comes from human nature because the transition from love to hate is very unclear and fragile. The same powerful desires are at work, but they switch poles, a kind of polarization occurs, and this is the result.

We know that the same happens with parents. What about parents who forget their children in the car? They just erase them from their minds entirely. And what can you do about that?

And when we talk about caregivers for whom this is just a job, perhaps even one they hate, that they are forced to do because they cannot do anything else but still need to earn a living, those children become objects of their hatred.

To the extent that they hate their work and their miserable, underprivileged lives, they transfer all of that onto the children.

Today’s egoism, today’s intolerance is found in both women and men, and the attitude toward the world and toward children is unnatural. We live in a generation where egoism compels us to correct it; otherwise, we will not survive.

Question: You said the transition between love and hate is very fragile. How can a person regulate or recognize this moment of transition so they do not lose control?

Answer: There cannot be love without hate, nor hate without love, just as there cannot be a positive without a negative. They work together. But what to consider positive and what negative depends on the person.

Therefore if I love myself, then I see negatives in everyone else. But if I wish to correct myself and see my own flaws, then I can see positives in others.

And here arises a very serious problem. In our time, desires and traits emerge in us that we are obligated to correct into their polar opposites. If we do not do this, you see what happens.

I do not blame those caregivers in nurseries or daycare, nor people who exhibit various sadistic or abusive tendencies, because they just don’t work on them. The human masses need care, work, and education. Before becoming caregivers, they need to be nurtured, and this is not being done.

Question: Is it possible to become a teacher or caregiver not by vocation, not naturally, but through the education or training you are talking about?

Answer: This is very difficult. Because instead of a natural inclination to be a caregiver, if you do not want to be one, you will need to imagine a higher goal that you want to achieve, and therefore be ready to become a caregiver. This requires very serious work on oneself.

Question: A person is a cluster of hormones, chemistry, and so on. Education accounts for only 10% of who a person becomes. What else is added to a person besides these hormones and chemistry that causes them to shift from a state of goodwill to evil? How does egoism suddenly explode within them?

Answer: The fact is, we have become very close to one another, yet we do not work on ourselves. As a result, we negatively influence each other. Mass media, all of this has a tremendous impact. I constantly see bad images and examples before me, and it costs me nothing to imitate them. I imitate them involuntarily.

So everything we see on screens or smartphones enters us and forces us to act like those so-called “heroes” we see. Essentially, the entire problem lies with the media.

Question: Let us take someone who, on the one hand wants to be a caregiver, a teacher, a mother, or a parent. They treat a child or children well, but suddenly there comes a moment when they feel something rising within them they cannot control. What should they do?

Answer: Yes, they cannot control themselves because, again, their inner impulses are stronger than all the restraining factors. Even those they have heard or read about, like how people are punished for being like this, do not help. They cannot restrain themselves; their restraining mechanism shuts down. That is it. Nothing can be done.

The whole issue is that we must provide people with proper examples of behavior, both with each other and with children.

No fear or punishment can restrain or hold back anything—only a good example can.
[251235]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/7/19

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Question: We live in the hustle and bustle of life, often forgetting our loved ones, family, colleagues, and friends. We forget to say kind words, to acknowledge that they are important and needed, that they are remarkable.

There is a saying: “Words can kill, and words can heal.” Why is it so important for a person to hear compliments?

Answer: Because a person is an egoist. That is why it is so crucial for them to hear good things about themselves. And if bad things are said, it hurts them in a different way, conversely.

Comment: But we know that when a person hears something good, they are immediately ready to meet others halfway and do something for them. And vice versa.

My Response: Of course. For them, it is a reward, so they are ready. It is a great incentive for their egoism.

However, if a person has a goal in life, sees that goal as true and correct, has decided on it, and acts accordingly, then others may say good or bad things about their behavior, goal, actions, or life, and it would not affect them at all. This is because they are confident they are acting correctly.

Compliments in our time are insincere interactions because they are always egoistic.

If I inspire someone, if I push them toward a goal, it should simply be my ongoing work—to help others rise and move forward toward the goal of life, to achieve it. And in doing so, I am not offering a compliment, but am providing a necessary element of progress.

Question: Does the soul require compliments?

Answer: Our egoism requires compliments. That is our entire foundation, that is who we are: egoists!

And so when someone tells me, “Wow! Look at you! You’re amazing!” and so forth, I feel important, gain energy, and can do something. I am ready to repay such a person the same way because they have inspired me. But fundamentally, this is all because we are egoists.

Strictly speaking, relationships should not be built on compliments but on mutual support, where every person supports every other person in their pursuit of life’s goals.

Question: What does proper mutual support look like?

Answer: It is setting an example of “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

People see that you are working on yourself to unite with others, to correct yourself, to help them correct themselves, to help them understand the meaning of life, where to move, how to complete life, with what result, what that result should be, and so on. When you act this way, you naturally provide an example to others, and they strive to act similarly.

Comment: In Kabbalah, there is a rule: speak of the greatness of the friends.

My Response: But that is not a compliment. It is a necessary element of our spiritual work. The difference lies in why I say it. I say it to give someone direction in their development, a goal, and strength.

A compliment, as a rule, is said to flatter someone, to give them a sense of self-importance. But in our study, in Kabbalah, importance is not in us but in our work and the goal—in the Creator, whom we are trying to reveal. So I would not consider these as compliments.

Question: How should one properly speak of the greatness of one’s friends? Can this serve as an example for others?

Answer: As a rule, we do not speak of the greatness of a friend directly to the friend. We speak of their greatness among ourselves to elevate them in our eyes so they may serve as an example for us. Because if we talk about the greatness of a friend directly to them, we essentially lower them by inflating their ego.

Question: Does that turn it into a compliment?

Answer: Yes, and such a compliment will have a negative effect on them. Therefore, I do not see it as beneficial. With a child, we can say: “What a clever boy you are, how smart! Look how well you have done everything, how beautifully!” And they puff up with pride.

But for an adult (I mean people within my circle), such compliments are unnecessary.

Question: What is your advice for people? How should relationships be built so that every moment they feel needed and important to each other?

Answer: By engaging in meaningful work. By moving forward together in a journey toward unity to reveal the upper force, the higher purpose of existence, and the higher nature. This is not a compliment—it is our entire life.
[248514]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 6/27/19

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Question: Many people want to conquer Everest, one of the highest peaks on Earth. The height of Mount Everest reaches 8,848 meters above sea level. Climbers and scientists have given this high area of the mountain the name “death zone.”

Why does a person strive to conquer these unreachable peaks?

Answer: It is a sport, a game, to prove to yourself that you can do it, like others. There is a desire in man to establish himself above nature.

Question: A person strives to conquer a mountain, reach higher, be better, and prove to himself and others that he can overcome the limit of human strength. What should he do higher, better, overcoming, and not yielding in his inner spiritual ascent?

Answer: In general, a person wants to conquer peaks, to be above nature, to rise above himself, and to realize himself at the most critical point. This is a human trait.

Of course, an animal will not go there. It understands perfectly what is better or worse and always strives for maximum comfort.

For man, on the contrary, the zone of maximum comfort means nothing if there is still an opportunity to assert himself as a person. Because inanimate, vegetative, and animate levels of nature exist in him, but even higher than that is a level of human in him.

Question: What is the human level that haunts him and pushes him into all these dangers?

Answer: He wants to be above nature. There is an additional point in him called human. But it resides inside the animal in him. Therefore, when we develop the human in us, the animal begins to suffer: “Why on earth are you thinking not of me, not of the animal, but of something above me?” Then, we enter a conflict: the human strives upward and the animal dies.

If a person truly aimed to rise above the animal level in him, he would not cross oceans, storm mountain peaks, or descend to the depths of the sea. The meaning of life is not found in these places; it lies in the conquest of one’s inner nature and environment.

Question: What does it mean to rise above the level of nature from the point of view of Kabbalah?

Answer: To rise above the level of nature is to rise above one’s egoism. Because our egoism is in us on three levels: inanimate, vegetative, and animate to rise above it means to rise above our egoism, that is, from a state of hatred of one’s neighbor to love of one’s neighbor.

Question: Why is it easier to conquer the outer peaks or outer depths?

Answer: This is even greater elevation of egoism, the desire to raise it higher! I want to be proud of it: “Look at me! My animal climbed where no animal has ever climbed, but I have!”

What is human about this? Nothing! If a car can do it, what is the point of my going there?

Question: You met with the head of a large Aikido organization. During the conversation, he said Kabbalah speaks about the amazing vertical connection between man and God.

What is this connection that helps a person anticipate what will happen in the future: the outcome of a duel, the outcome of events?

Answer: This is when a person rises above his nature. When I am clearly aware that from all sides, where my “I” exists, I try to go above it. But I do not have to climb up or dive down to do that. To do so, I just need inner tension, my desire to come out of myself.

I ask nature for help to let me do this. In this way, I transcend rather than try to do it physically.

Question: What does it mean to go above the “I”?

Answer: Beyond egoism, from hating others to loving others.

Question: Many welcome this. Why do they not want to implement it?

Answer: It is very, very difficult. It takes not just a method but all the external conditions to implement it correctly. It is not easy.

Just like Mount Everest, many people want to climb, but very few succeed, and they even die within a few meters left to go.

But I feel we are moving toward a state of humanity and nature where we can literally overcome this barrier, the potential transition between egoism and love.

Question: What will bring the needed luck?

Answer: What will help us overcome this spiritual ascent? Revealing the greatness of the goal. It will be revealed to us as grand and special, and then we can rise to it.
[251619]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 8/22/19

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Question: You say that the Creator never changes. Let’s say we are trying to think about someone so that the difficult situation facing the person will change. And it is really changing in the direction we think about.

If the Creator does not change, then how does reality change? For example, a person went to take tests knowing that he had some kind of illness, but it turned out that everything was fine.

Answer: The fact is that human qualities change in which he sees himself and the world around him as different.

There is nothing outside of us! Everything about us can change instantly. Moreover, changes occur either inside or supposedly outside. A Kli is multifaceted.

We simply have not yet encountered serious spiritual actions in our world, nor have we come close to spirituality to see how much it changes our world.

Now nature will slowly accustom us to this with all kinds of cataclysms, sudden changes in us and outside of us, so we will be convinced that there is nothing absolute in the world, everything is relative and depends only on our inner state, because our inner attitude to ourselves and to others actually paints a picture of the world for us. The whole picture of the world is like in a movie; I can order it with my inner change.

In a matter of seconds you can change absolutely everything, like ordering a movie on television, or logging on to the Internet and choosing a picture. It all depends on you because apart from you there is only a flashlight, and you paint the whole picture only with your qualities. It is all in you.

Question: But if I have a certain path, how can I draw another path for myself?

Answer: The path does not matter! It all depends on your attitude toward the path; it paints you a picture of the world. In fact, when you look at the world, you see your attitude toward it, toward the Creator, toward people. It is an attitude, it is not the world itself.

Everything we study: sounds, colors, all kinds of notes, words, images, parts of the world, times, any temporal, spatial, sensory axes along which we act, and the relationships between ourselves and others, all this is inside us. I can change it, own it arbitrarily, build a picture of the world, rearrange this mosaic as I like: countries, sides, perceptions, sensations. Everything is inside me. I can do all this arbitrarily however I wish. If I own it all, there is no problem.

Question: Is this what you do?

Answer: No, I do not do this, I do not need it. You have to be an important person to do that. But why? I am just talking about this possibility. We all need to put together a good picture of the world when the whole world would be like the light, the absolute. It is possible. But we need to put this mosaic together ourselves.
[339881]
From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Picture of the World” 5/26/10

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Play is the foundation of the development of nature. This is the most serious thing in the world. When we stop playing, we stop developing. We develop only through play.

While playing, a child does not know what he is doing, but in the process, he develops his senses and abilities. And then, when he starts learning, he only fills in the opportunities that he once developed through play. Therefore, proper play is the foundation of a person’s entire being.

Spiritual development, progressing from stage to stage according to the law of negation of negation, ascent from lower to higher, can only be carried out in a play—when you do not know your next stage because you have not yet reached it, but you strive for it, you model it, you try it out.

This element is called “play,” when nothing is known, everything is unpredictable, and on a whim, like a child, you are constantly trying to find out: “But how?” This is what our development is all about.

And when you begin studying what has already been discovered, what has already been chewed up and prepared for you, then this “how” disappears, and you stop developing. You simply stuff your brain cells with some information, and your development ends there. You are getting smart.

And in spiritual work, when we talk about that we must ascend to the next level, to the next dimension, then naturally, our path can only be a play.
[339695]
From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Play to develop” 5/9/10

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Question: What can you say about grievances, reactions to them, and how to help people cope with them?

Grievances are put into the concept of corporate culture, where mechanisms are developed for people to report grievances, relying on the offender’s reaction regardless of the initial cause of the offense. A grievance is a person’s reaction to an unjust insult or action, as it seems to them. However, the reaction to an act and the event or attitude that caused it are not always aligned. Therefore, we wanted to ask you, as a Kabbalist, about this phenomenon and how a person should work with it correctly.

Answer: A person feels they have been hurt or struck. Essentially, their egoism has been affected, and they cannot tolerate it because egoism is the most central part of each of us: the desire to feel superior, stronger, more stable, confident, and so on. Suddenly my “self” is brought down; someone has hurt or tried to diminish it.

Here I feel offended, which can only be compensated by lowering the offender even further below me. That is why denunciations and similar reactions come into play.

Question: When we feel bad, why do we want to make others feel worse?

Answer: This is no longer about being offended but simply that our egoism that needs to maintain itself at a certain level and always feel superior to others, in a more comfortable state. Only then does it feel satisfied and it seems to us that life is flowing like it should.

Question: How can one remove an offense from the heart, not just rationalize it, but rise above and let go? How should one work with it correctly using the power of the offense to rise above it? How can one forgive and truly move on?

Answer: It is difficult. There is no simple answer for all situations.

From the perspective of the wisdom of Kabbalah, we need to understand that the upper governance exists between us. We have no direct contact with one another because there is the upper force between us that creates all our communication.

Therefore, if I feel offended by someone, I must understand that it is not about the person who acted against me or hurt me. No, it is about the upper force deliberately placing me in such a situation. I must address not the person who offended me, but the Creator, the upper force that acts upon me in this way.

If we begin to feel that between each of us and others is the Creator, it will become much easier for us to interact. We will be able to find the right connection between us and with the Creator, and suddenly we will realize that we are in an entirely different world.

We will discover a state where a benevolent force exists between all of us that works solely to elevate us toward itself.

But this elevation occurs precisely through our fall. It shows us how egoistic and weak we are, how we constantly endure minor humiliations like small children, and how we struggle to rise above ourselves.

Just as the sea surrounds small islands, we will begin to feel that only a benevolent, warm sea, the upper force, fills all the space between us.

We need to change, to rise above our egoism. Then we will feel like small islands in an archipelago, surrounded by a warm, kind sea.

Question: You described it so beautifully. But how can it be achieved?

Answer: It is not very difficult. You just need to focus on this state.

I have described a picture that truly exists and functions. If we begin to actively seek and discern the upper force between us, we will discover that this force is inherently good, while we are small, selfish creatures. What can we do? We need to rise above our egoism and align ourselves with this benevolent force that fills everything around us.

Question: What is the key factor in transitioning and shifting to this state?

Answer: It is the collective support of the environment you are in. The most important thing, as explained in the wisdom of Kabbalah, is to create a supportive environment of like-minded individuals where we help each other recognize, accept, and realize this state.

In our interactions, we must consistently act on understanding that a benevolent upper force exists between us. Since we are egoists by nature, the question becomes how can we neutralize our egoism so that this force can fill us as well?

When this happens, we find ourselves in a completely different world. We begin to perceive reality through the quality of bestowal rather than reception, through the quality of love and connection rather than hatred and alienation. We truly start to see a different nature.

Essentially, we reveal another force, the positive force that exists in nature, but is not evident in our world. We must uncover it ourselves through our mutual efforts. Then we will realize that two forces actually exist, positive and negative, and we will live in a correct balance between them.

Question: They say that understanding one another is our social “glue.” But since we are so different, this bonding does not seem to happen. How can we learn to understand one another when everyone has their own perspective of the world?

Answer: The problem is that we do not have common points of understanding. This is the most important thing. Because of this, we do not truly understand one another. Sometimes we agree with each other because it is convenient, but even then, we still do not really hear each other. It is simply that I find it pleasing, so I accept it. But what exactly I am accepting is hard to define; it could be beneficial to me at work, in studies, shopping, family life, with children, and so on. But in general, we do not hear each other.

To truly hear each other means to be on the same wavelength where I feel the other person’s state and fulfill them, and they feel my state and fulfill me. All of this happens through the benevolent upper force between us, which allows for constant, correct communication.

But this requires learning. That is why what I teach is called the wisdom of Kabbalah, the science of receiving, meaning the science of how to receive and accept another as they are without being disturbed or distorted by one’s egoism.

Question: How can we help someone who is at war with the world around them?

Answer: This is a miserable person. How can they escape this state? In general, it is a whole science. We can see that the entire world lives in a state of constant irritation, depression, with inner attacks on one another, malice, and egoistic calculations. What can we do? The only solution is to rise above it. But again, for this, a supportive environment is essential.

It is crucial to create the right environment where a person can naturally transform themselves under its influence. A positive environment is the most important factor. This is what we constantly work on, and we are always striving to align ourselves with a true and correct worldview.

Typically, we do this in a group of ten. Ten people come together, and they are given a task: to relate to each other as one collective whole. To achieve this, everyone must lower themselves before the others. I lower myself before my nine friends. Then I feel that I must help them, which means I must rise above them. After that, I must be equal to them, and so on.

These exercises allow us to develop the internal flexibility necessary to establish the right connection between us. Essentially it is psychological training that leads to absolutely amazing results.

A person suddenly begins to feel that there is nothing inherently their own within them, that their character, state, and mood are given to them as initial conditions, and they must adjust these to fit the surrounding environment. When they perform these exercises of internal flexibility, they see that it is not difficult and even start to wonder, “Who am I, really?”

The most optimal state for me is when I adapt myself to the collective. And in this way, each of us in the group adjusts ourselves to everyone else.

As a result, we achieve a homogeneous, integrated, and correct state where we merge and unite together. We understand each other perfectly and almost need no words. We develop an internal connection where we are all included in one another.

According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, this is the method for elevating humanity to the state of one single, unified, benevolent group, a single entity. When this will be fully realized is unknown. But at the very least, we can accomplish this in small groups.

Question: How can one feel and understand what is truly good or beneficial for another person and what is harmful?

Answer: To do this, you must feel the other person. How can you know what is good or bad for them? The most important thing is to feel them. This requires training, as I have previously mentioned. You need to lower yourself to zero, as if you do not exist, and only then will you begin to hear and feel them.

Suddenly, you will start to feel that you are inside them, feeling all their thoughts, aspirations, dreams, memories, and everything within them. And you will feel it as they do, not as you might imagine it if you were in their place. There are many nuances here.

At the same time, you will begin to show them from within that your attitude toward them is warm and kind, and they will not be able to resist this, they will transform into kindness.

Question: Should one strive to show empathy to absolutely everyone?

Answer: No, our world is not like that. I am talking only about specific cases, such as when you want to establish a very close connection with someone. This can work, but only with someone who is somewhat understanding and deserving, not just with anyone you meet on the street.

This is indeed a gradual training process. You can achieve such a state when, by lowering yourself to zero, you effectively bring them to zero, but in a kind way.

You need to nullify yourself, immerse yourself in them, see the world through their eyes, and empathize with them with whatever is happening within them. You become their companion, a part of them, constantly and inseparably connected to them as if dissolving, merging, and bonding with them internally. Then, you begin to see the world as they do.

What happens next depends on your goal. Do you want to learn more about them? If so, through this approach, you will understand them. And then, what kind of response do you want from them?

Comment: Mutuality, perhaps.

My Response: For that, something a bit different is needed. When you feel them and see the world through their eyes, you must show them that you are close to them, ready to walk alongside them, and help them. In other words, you must become an inseparable part of them.

By doing this, you will “win them over,” and they will no longer be able to be without you. Women often instinctively use this approach, and rightly so. Female nature is naturally attuned in this way. When a woman shows a man that he truly needs her and backs it up, not with words, but through actions, he “buys into” it.

This is what is called “winning love” like any other relationship. You dissolve into the person, start to feel how they see the world, what they want, anticipate their actions, desires, thoughts, and reactions, and help them. They see that you are an inseparable part of them. How could they part from you?

When a person studies Kabbalah, they do not feel personal offense because they view themselves the same way. They are constantly battling their egoism, trying to suppress it, crush it, and push it deeper down until it disappears entirely.

So when others treat them the same way, they do not feel defeated. Instead, they feel how these actions affect their spiritual work. It might even help them or it might hinder them.

I have observed this in my teacher. When he was gravely insulted, he would find pleasure in it, saying: “Ah, how good this is!” It is like being in a steam bath where the sting of the birch broom brings both pain and enjoyment. It is a similar state.

You already perceive your body and ego as your enemy. You even align with the one who offends you, and recognize that ultimately, this benefits you.

However, if this interferes with your mission, with your life’s work, then your reaction is different. You must “grind down” your ideological opponent.

Question: And how does it all end?

Answer: It ends with the need to persuade them. Otherwise, everything will have been in vain. The upper force that exists between you will have done all it could, but you will have responded incorrectly or incompletely.
[247709]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 4/14/19

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Comment: There is growing demand for surrogacy volunteers around the world. In recent years, Canada has become increasingly attractive to future parents who are looking for altruistic surrogate mothers.

In Canada growth in these services has reached 400% over the past ten years.

The mothers themselves, who provide services on a pro bono basis, have their own families, many children, and they say that surrogacy is a life-changing experience. This may partly explain why women sacrifice their time and potentially their bodies for this.

They say: “I cannot imagine life without children, even as a surrogate mother. It is like bringing light back to the world. I give birth to a child for these people, but I also leave my mark on the world.”

My Response: This is a huge service for people who love each other but cannot have children otherwise. Of course, this is a huge favor.

Question: What is the connection between a child, a surrogate mother, and a biological mother? Who is the mother in the end?

Answer: A mother is the one who raises the child. A mother is the one the child follows; she is the one who takes care of him, the one to whom he feels affection and need, etc.

Question: What is an ideal mother?

Answer: One who knows how to raise him correctly is an ideal mother.

Question: What should a mother invest in a child? What should she pass on so that he grows up as a harmonious person?

Answer: First of all, it is love, responsibility, and of course, self-sacrifice. In addition, this is work on oneself; this is the knowledge of what to prepare the child for, how to teach him, how to get him on his feet, and how to accompany him in the first years of life, how to properly increase his independence every year, to each time step back a little so that he grows, and not to suppress him.

A wise woman is needed who can position herself in such a way that the child will feel good and warm next to her. And at the same time he will understand that his mother is taking care of him correctly, that is, adjusting her love with her demands.

Comment: Nowadays many people hire nannies who come to look after children and spend more time with them than their own parents. A very close connection arises between the child and the nanny; he grows up under her care within the framework of her upbringing, and thus fences himself off from his parents a little.

My Response: It all depends on how the environment the child grows in is organized. But it does not necessarily have to be that his mother sits over him all the time, or constantly revolves around him. On the contrary, this can spoil the child.

Comment: We are now moving toward some new model of the world where we have all the services for rent. Everyone buys in the “supermarket:” mom for rent, dad for rent, grandpa for rent. The child grows up in a certain society of those “products” that the parent has bought in the “supermarket.”

My Response: Personally, I do not see any problems in this, since in any case it is all for rent; it only depends on how we pay for it, and how obvious it is to us or not. It is clear that if I pay attention to my son, it is because I am his father.

And here too there is a problem: how much I love him and how much I should make an effort, versus being strict and demanding. There is a father, and there is an educator. These are different functions. Therefore it is difficult to replace a father, although it is also possible. But this is a completely different profession than a teacher, lecturer, or educator.

And the same with a mother. A mother can be nurturing, warm, and caring or demanding and instructing.

These are different functions.

We study this from spiritual objects. We have a spiritual father and mother, which are divided into two parts: father, the upper and lower system, and mother, the upper and lower system. All four systems influence the child, and this is where their functions are divided. This is a very interesting, complex system.

How do the father and mother influence with their upper properties and lower properties? Or how do they replace themselves with other people who must fulfill these upper and lower properties from both father and mother and in no case confuse them with each other. This is what is called Aba ve-Ima and Israel Saba ve-Tvuna. These are very serious, large spiritual objects, and all four are aimed at the development and education of the soul.

Question: How can a person attach to these components called father and mother?

Answer: In the spiritual, we cancel ourselves, and to this extent all four spiritual objects educate us. And in our world, they simply must be created in this way and function in relation to the child. Humanity has yet to discover and build this, to create such a system of servicing children.

But for now, I am very glad that there are such surrogate mothers, women who can provide this service to those couples who for some reason cannot have children.
[240482]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/28/19

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Comment: I read about an expert’s advice who proclaims there are vital lessons that a person should learn as early as possible. By mastering them, it is purported that you can prevent some troubles in your life.

Tip 1: “Follow your own path.”

People love to judge others. Peer pressure can force you to stray from the path that you started paving for your future. It is advised to ignore the aspirations of others and never let someone else’s goals and dreams influence your life’s direction. This is your path, and only you can decide where you need to go.

My Response: Absolutely correct. A person takes his own path in life. He must feel what he wants, what attracts him internally, and pursue this goal. Along the way he can use all sorts of tips, advice, and methods.

Comment: Tip 2: “Do not hesitate when you act.”

An old Roman saying goes: Carpe diem—seize the moment. Most often we fail to act due to uncertainty or lack of courage. This hesitation hinders progress and traps us in a cycle of questioning: “What could have been if I had acted…?”

My Response: I do not think this is correct. In reality, every person has his own purpose, and he will have to achieve it eventually. Even if someone avoids an issue they face and does not impulsively rush to resolve it as you suggest, the issue will resurface and compel them to deal with it.

Question: So just move forward?

Answer: Yes, nothing terrible will happen. Relax, take a break, wait—it will wait for you too.

Comment: Tip 3: “Test in practice what you have learned.”

My Response: There is no wisdom greater than that of someone walking the path themselves and drawing conclusions from it. Only when a person has gone through specific experiences, understands them, and can offer one’s opinion about them, only then can that opinion be taken seriously.

Comment: Tip 4: “Good things do not come easily.”

Luck can take you far, but everything else depends on you. Do not think that someone else will fight your battles with the same energy and dedication as you.

My Response: No one will fight for you. You must clearly understand the challenges before you, assess the desirability and necessity of reaching your goal, and then you can fight for it, primarily with yourself.

Question: Why with yourself?

Answer: Because we are inherently lazy, cautious, and so on. You will need to convince yourself that the goal is more important than your own comfort.

There is a higher goal, and a person must define it (if we are talking about someone who wants to uncover the meaning of our world and their place in it).

Once the goal is clear, he moves toward it to the best of his ability, measures his strength, does not become discouraged, and understands that even if he does not fully achieve it, he will still have made progress. A person will try to realize as much as is destined for him.

Comment: Tip 5: “Never miss a chance to try more.”

Even when we feel most prepared, it is quite possible that we will not achieve our goal. The main thing is not to despair.

My Response: Of course, we need to try to achieve the goal. If this goal is important, if I check it, and see that this is really what I need to achieve, then I should include myself in it completely.

Comment: Tip 6: “Value every moment.”

Live your life to the fullest because it is short, and we never know what tomorrow will bring.

My Response: I would not follow such advice because life has its purpose. If I believe today that I already know what is most important and only need to achieve it today and I disregard tomorrow, this is incorrect. It is like being reborn and dying every day, an inaccurate attitude toward life.

I must see myself walking a long road, constantly moving forward until I reach the ultimate goal. Every day I must reevaluate, redefine, and align myself with this goal, and strive toward it. And so what if tomorrow I am no longer here? I am still heading toward it today.

Question: And what on this path allows you personally, as a great person with great experience, a Kabbalist, not to give up?

Answer: The importance of the goal. One must constantly work on it. For me, there is nothing more important in life. I have dedicated my life to this, starting from the age of 20 and even earlier. I wanted this, and I have been walking toward it all my life, certainly for the last 50 to 60 years.

Comment: Tip 7: “Do not impose your ideas on others.”

They say you should not impose your ideas on others. Let those who seek your help and guidance come to you.

My Response: I do not think I am intrusive. I calmly accept those who come to my lessons, just as I calmly observe those who leave. My principle is entirely Kabbalistic: there is no coercion on the paths of life. Everyone must choose and realize their own way. Advice, however, is always available to those who seek it.

Comment: Tip 8: “Be flexible in your goals.”

It is important to analyze your current position and how your actions might affect the future. Sometimes it is better to pause a goal, adjust it temporarily, and return to it later.

My Response: In what I do, there is a constant reassessment of the path, goal, efforts, and implementation. So this is not an issue. Kabbalah provides a person with an almost continuous, constant rechecking of the goal, the path, and oneself, far beyond a daily or hourly basis.

Question: Will people find it just as easy to work with this constant data flow to adjust their goals continuously?

Answer: People will have more and more demand for a purpose in life. They will try to draw it before themselves, to define it. They will see that they can define it together, in connection with each other, and in this way they will move forward.

Comment: Tip 9: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Here many people are faced with the following situation: people seem to agree and want the same thing, but they have different opinions; they want to express them, to defend them, and then nothing good comes out of it. Where does the understanding of the consequences come from?

My Response: In Kabbalah this is not an issue because achieving the goal depends on the correct integration of people with one another.

The key is not to insist on your own perspective or any single viewpoint. Neither I nor others should cling to our opinions. Instead we must combine all opinions into a unified whole that produces the correct result. If each person relinquishes his own self for the sake of the collective, the right outcome is achieved.

Question: Even if someone believes that their opinion is one hundred percent correct?

Answer: Especially then. This is a Kabbalistic principle. We must rise above our egoism, and there is no other solution to this issue. Only when each person relinquishes his or her perspective for the sake of collective unity can the outcome be both harmonious and correct.
[257522]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/16/19

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Comment: In the high-tech sector, 58% of workers suffer from impostor syndrome. Researchers state they surveyed numerous IT companies, and 58% of the nearly 10,500 respondents said they experience this syndrome.

They feel like frauds, even after working in the same position for 14 years. They believe the job is beyond their capabilities and that their promotions are undeserved.

My Response: In general this is a good thing. It should put pressure on a person and push him toward self-improvement. After all, what drives a person forward if not the feeling that there is room to grow and that he is unworthy of his position?

They feel that there is still a lot of work ahead that requires continuous learning, acquiring additional skills, and gaining more knowledge. What is wrong with that?

On the other hand, it is important to ensure that they simultaneously develop confidence in their ability to overcome their insecurity, but not in a way that fills them with excessive complacency, rather, in a way that fosters continual growth. This is commendable.

In the science of Kabbalah, this is a constant state. I cannot imagine ever being completely satisfied; that would be something animalistic.

Question: What is the concept of the impostor syndrome in Kabbalah?

Answer: In truth, I feel that in this world we are all to some extent impostors. We have received our desires and aspirations for a perfect state as a kind of gift, an advance that we must work to repay. I always feel this way, as do my students and teachers.

Question: What does it mean to repay it?

Answer: To repay means that I must reach a state where I genuinely align with it. That would be my complete correction.

Question: How can one use this feeling correctly without falling into self-doubt?

Answer: Progress must be made along three lines: the right, the left, and the middle. On one side there should be no arrogance; on the other there must be a thorough assessment and acknowledgment of one’s inadequacies.

And based on these two lines, the middle line emerges, where we move forward on the realization of the previous two. And we always see a goal ahead where these two approaches converge. I feel both perfect and imperfect, and their union pulls me forward.

Kabbalah explains how this works; it is an entire system. Without it, it is impossible to move forward correctly. Perhaps that is why people struggle to find new solutions. But Kabbalah offers guidance.

This process leads to an interesting expansion of consciousness. When you follow the middle line, your consciousness expands. You move forward, and even outpace the tasks set before you.

You foresee both the challenges and their solutions. You pull them along with you, rather than being overwhelmed by them. Instead of struggling to keep up, you find that the work chases after you while you move ahead.

This must be learned. Those who are interested will join us.
[235470]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/19/18

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