Question: Can you share your experience of how you hold on to the goal?

Answer: Frankly speaking, I do not even know myself. It is unknown.

On the one hand, the ways of the Lord are inscrutable. On the other hand, I remember myself as a little boy, six to seven years old, constantly asking myself: “Why is this world a game? Why must one exist in it? What goal stands behind this whole spectacle?”

I always saw this world as if it were playing out on a screen behind which some kind of mechanism was specifically showing it to me. And what does it want from me? This sense of duality in the picture of the world and the idea that some hidden purpose exists behind it has never left me and has been absolutely clear to me since childhood.

Throughout all the years of my life, I have seen this from the outside. Even as a boy playing with others, and later during my student years, I understood that, out of inevitability, I had to act just like everyone else.

So if I were to say exactly what drives me forward, it is certainly not me.

But on the other hand, I constantly put myself within such constraints that I have no other options. I am afraid! There was a time when I was pulled away from my spiritual search for exactly one year, to the day.

Question: What do you mean by pulled away? Do you mean you stopped studying altogether?

Answer: No, I continued studying, but very little, automatically, and not in the way I should have.

Suddenly I was given an enormous desire to engage in a big business venture in order to later create a large system for spreading Kabbalah. And in this way I was led astray.

I devoted exactly one year to this, and although I never completely stopped studying Kabbalah, it was very little. I felt how completely it tore me away and could even immerse me in this world, something that had almost never happened in my life, except perhaps for a brief period after university when I wanted to pursue a scientific career.

That is, I clearly felt that if not for a force from above, it would be very easy to remove me from the path and turn me into an ordinary mammal.

Question: How do you establish boundaries for your spiritual work? What sustains them?

Answer: Through obligations. My entire schedule is planned by the hour.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Purpose as a Way of Life” 6/24/10

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