Michael Laitman, On Quora: “What are disadvantages of marrying your first love?“
Marrying our first love does not guarantee a good marriage.
We usually encounter several mistakes, breakages, arguments and perhaps also divorces, and only later, at an age closer to the end rather than the beginning, do we perhaps meet someone and start appreciating the marital connection.
People usually change since the time they had their first love. Their ideas of connection, closeness and relationships become totally different.
We need to go through hard times, ups and downs, the destruction of previous states that we lived through, and we can then cherish our relationships.
In short, after we meet, we need to learn a lot about ourselves, go through alternating positive and negative experiences and encounter states of desperation in the process, and then we understand how to build a life where we strive solely for positive relations. We need to accumulate an arsenal of various negative sensations and states, and only afterward can we avoid them. It is like storing weapons for a period, entering into a war, and then casting the weapons aside after the war.
As it is with partners, so it is with humanity in general. Humanity is now accumulating various weapons, and then it will understand they need to be cast aside. All wars take place for this purpose.
There can be no good without the recognition of evil, whether in our individual lives, between couples, or in the world in general.
Therefore, the advice for young couples is to have very long and nagging conversations with each other, where each partner spills out everything that they think about their partner, like two researchers, and gradually, little by little, they will be able to reach a state where they will mutually explore themselves and one another.
Life then becomes interesting. It turns into research of how can we can improve our relationships from one day to the next, how to change them in order to continually come closer together, and we regularly try to discover each other’s qualities, feelings and the relationship in general as vibrantly as possible.
For the time being, such relationships take a long time to build, say about fifty or sixty years, but the time will come when all people will live in such a way. Until then, we need to encourage young couples and people in general to go through a form of education that teaches and encourages them to treat relationships similarly to a research lab, where we can constantly seek how to improve our relationships, changing ourselves in order to get closer and more positively connected to each other above all forms of destruction that can emerge in our lives. It is indeed possible and doable, and the more such connection-enriching learning spreads throughout human society, the quicker and easier we will all be able to progress through all negative states with more awareness and understanding.
Based on the video “Does Marrying Your First Love Guarantee a Good Marriage?” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman and Semion Vinokur. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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