Question: Rabash writes, “Then he has no other choice but to pray to the Creator to give him some life, so he will feel that he is dangerously ill and needs to cure the soul.” What is this request and feeling?

Answer: I see how my friends are connected. They go out together to some particular activity, helping each other, feeling closeness, understanding each other. Whereas, when I pass by them, I don’t feel any connection to them, no mutual participation. I am always drawn towards solitude. I have no desire to be together with everyone. What is there to do?!

And so I ask the Creator to show me how much this isn’t good that I am such an individualist, detached from others, not feeling anyone. I hear how they talk to each other, how they can be close.

They stimulate each other and go out to tasks, to dissemination, and I don’t. I am not excited when I look at them. As far as it seems, I am coarser than they are, more egoistic. And I want to be integrated into their connection. Otherwise I could sit next to them, but not be within the group.

Suppose that our main group has 400 men. How many of them truly want to connect?  Maybe it’s a total of 30 or 40. After all, this is not just about participants, but about those who want to connect and feel that through this they discover the higher power as one man with one heart; this is the condition for discovering the Creator.

And I don’t feel this! I only hear about the need to connect, but don’t feel it. I hear that the friends are gathering, planning some kind of dissemination activity, and I think to myself: “Well, next time I will join them! This is not yet the time. I have more important things to do!”

I even purposefully engage in some things to find justification for my absence. Ultimately I see that I have no correction at all. And so I ask the Creator to give me a bad feeling, recognition of the evil in my separation from the friends so that I’ll be able to decide that I must connect. This is called the “recognition of evil,” clarification.

It could be that I am concerned that it’s personally bad for me that I am not connected with the friends and that I didn’t go to them. It could be that I see that they are more advanced and am envious of them and that the greatness of the group must pull me forward. I don’t ask to suffer, but rather for recognition of my evil nature.

Certainly this is unpleasant, but this unpleasantness summons great happiness in me, for this releases me and saves me from the situation in which I am found. Otherwise I will have to die in Egypt.
[133462]
From the 1^st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/23/14, Writings of Rabash

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