Question: How can I advance if I need to reach a state where I don’t want the spiritual goal at all, but wish to remain in material life?
Answer: I must attain the state of the shattered Reshimo de Aviut. I understand that I don’t want anything except remaining in a place that is comfortable for me. But together with this, there is a Reshimo de Hitlabshut in me, which is something from a level above this world.
On the one hand, I determine that I want to remain a beast. But together with this, I have a spiritual goal, a higher world, and I am suffering because I do not belong to it and remain on the level of this beast, and apart from that, I don’t need anything. I know that the beast will remain as such, and there is a higher level.
I really want to attain this higher level, and at the same time, according to the desire of my Aviut (thickness), I am only attracted to convenience and comfort, to remain in this dream. That is what my heart wants.
But the point in the heart calls to me to go out and attain spirituality. It’s impossible to understand how these two conflicting opposites are in me. What do I need to do if I am torn between both of them? What will determine my choice?
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/31/14, Writings of Baal HaSulam