Baal HaSulam has an article titled “The Reason for the Difficulty of Annulling Oneself for the Creator.” Basically, this is most important. After all, what stands today between us is our ego, our “I.” If we were to nullify it, we would immediately feel the Creator to the extent of our nullification.
My egoism stretches from me to the world of Infinity. I gradually nullify it; in other words, I correct it in 125 steps, and the Creator keeps manifesting more and more in the corrected egoism.
Let us mark my point in the heart in red. It is I, and my egoism is before me. I rise as much as I am able to cut the “slices” of this egoism, until I correct all of it. And every time I correct it, the Creator becomes revealed in it.
A person experiences difficulty when he wishes to nullify himself for the sake of the Creator, in other words, when he wishes to sacrifice his “I” for the quality of bestowal. After all, nullifying yourself means to completely stop caring for yourself. Moreover, this is just the first stage. And then, once I correct my entire past egoism to “stop caring” for myself, I begin to use it to work for the sake of others.
So, the entire reason it is difficult to nullify yourself is because the person feels like the entire world remains in its place, but he disappears. Then what is he left with? It seems like absolutely nothing. He leaves his family and friends in the name of nullifying himself for the sake of bestowal.
Then what am I, my friends, relatives, the world, everything that is in me and that I have? Other problems and questions arise as well. No matter how much I want to do it, I suddenly feel that something once again holds me from within, does not let me rise or invest myself fully.
Thus the ego, the only evil in the world, is multifaceted. And it keeps revealing itself more and more. I seem to have risen above it, I do not need anything for myself, I am ready to enter others and only exist in them, but as soon as I arrive at this moment, different thoughts that break me immediately appear in me, different desires, multidirectional intentions, and I once again lose the concrete, correct intention.
So, this entire problem, the reason for difficulty is simple, the problem is the lack of perception of the Creator. And the only thing that can help us with all our efforts is only feeling, revealing the Creator. There can be nothing else: Either you always feel yourself, always remain in yourself, and this egoism constantly “wobbles” you in it, taking your thoughts someplace else, or the Creator is revealed to you and only then will you be able to be in the power of the Creator, the power of bestowal, and not your egoism.
And, Baal HaSulam writes that as soon as the person feels the Creator, his soul, his inner desire immediately will want to connect with the root, to be a part of it, to nullify itself without a single thought just doing it naturally. We need to reach this state, in other words, we need to force the Creator to become revealed in us. And then all the problems disappear.
For this reason, the main thing that a person needs to reach is the perception of the Creator in order to feel that it is this quality, this force that fills the entire world and controls everything, and that there is none else beside Him. No emptiness of egoism will remain unfilled. All of it becomes filled with the Creator and becomes His absolutely obedient “operational device” doing everything according to the quality of bestowal, and connects to it without a single problem.
The upper Light created this desire, broke it, and shaped it into the form we perceive. The Light has specifically made the desire in this way and completely changes it by filling it. This is why the main thing a person needs to reach is the perception of the Creator, to feel that this quality fills the entire world and controls and governs absolutely everything.
This is also happening now, but it is concealed from us in order to obligate us to reveal Him, to desire His revelation. We must reach such degree of despair where we understand that only revelation of the Creator can save us. No other appeal will work: Coming together, giving us the right intentions, giving us strength, understanding what is happening, even uniting—all these things will be consequences of the revelation of the Creator.
And, Baal HaSulam writes that a person’s entire effort in his spiritual work must manifest in the attainment of this sensation, in other words, the realization of the fact that in reality, the only thing that he lacks and which solves absolutely all the problems is the perception of the Creator. He must not think about anything else but the main reward he would want to receive for all his efforts: to feel filled by the Creator.
There are no questions in this state. Everything is clear. But do we lose the freedom of will in this case? Do we become some “holy puppets?” The Creator rules in us and this obligates us to only operate through bestowal. Does this mean that we turn into “angels?”
It does not. This is because the quality of bestowal, which we receive from the perception of the Creator, does not nullify the egoism. It only fills it, and together they become like two categories, two forces, two qualities, which mutually complement one another. A person only acquires the true freedom of will when he has these two forces in equal proportion. The Creator does not suppress egoism and does not nullify it; He balances it in such a way that the person acquires the ability to be between these two qualities, these two forces of nature.
And then we begin to grow our point in the heart, connecting these two forces to it. It grows like a drop of semen in the mother’s womb.
Baal HaSulam continues that it is necessary to know that there is no difference between a big light and a small illumination, which a person attains. After all, there are no changes in the Light. All the changes only happen in perception.
In other words, we are always in the full, enormous volume of Light, but we feel it only to the extent of our correspondence, the similarity of our qualities to its qualities. And only our efforts in revealing the Creator create the higher qualities in us. If a person is able to increase his desires directed towards the quality to bestow, the right appeal, to the same extent he increases the quantity of Light that enters them.
What can he do to increase his desires, to expand them, and to prepare them for closeness with Light? Baal HaSulam’s response to this: by praising and exalting the Creator, the qualities of love and bestowal, the qualities of relating to your neighbor and others outside of yourself.
When a person acts this way, he feels grateful to the Creator for having brought him closer to Him, for giving him at least some foundation, some starting point, which allows him to begin to act this way, to rise above our world, our egoistic state. The person acquires the ability to at least slightly feel the Creator, the quality of bestowal, to somewhat understand what we speak about in the group, trying to find its center—the feeling that arises between us.
These are already certain preliminary flashes of Light, greater and greater radiance. Though, we feel like these are our desires, our thoughts, as if we are moved and found something in us. In reality, we are not able to find anything in us. When we develop certain feelings, all of them come only from the vibrations of Light, which is sometimes closer and sometimes further from us. When a feeling of warmth appears between us, when we express a greater connection, a wider net of relationships, it is only because the upper Light is beginning to gradually manifest.
And the main thing is that in addition to the importance of all this, I always need to be conscious and constantly try to verbalize inside myself how important the connection with the Creator is for me, this power to bestow, this universal force, which today is concealed from me; how the revelation of these two forces will give me the opportunity to act freely, to be like the Creator in relation to everyone else, in the same intention, love and bestowal.
This is no accident, it was the Creator who gave man the point in the heart, attracted him, and gave him the opportunity to advance spiritually. He is with us, with all the friends around the world. And the more importantly, the person deems this to be, the more he expands his Kelim, the place where Light, the Creator, will eventually manifest.
Gratitude to the Creator must always be greater than the request; the appeal must follow gratitude so that my attitude towards the quality to bestow would really come from my movement in its direction. And this only happens when I attune myself to gratitude, appreciation.
We need to express gratitude for everything, even the most unpleasant sensations. This way a person begins to understand the uniqueness of the Creator’s governance over him. He understands and realizes that all, even the most negative influences that he experiences in this world, are also designed for his sake, for his benefit. And the Creator Himself suffers from it a billion times more than him, just like we suffer in relation to our children.
This is why we must not blame Him for anything, be mad at Him, or be unhappy with something. When a person understands that he is under the influence of one, single, constant, eternal Force, then, of course, this state cannot exist. He always, first experiences the sensation of enormous gratitude as if he were melting in it, and then his appeal follows in the same direction.
But, Baal HaSulam writes that since a person only experiences everything inside his desires, he is never able to precisely evaluate the actual degree of connection between him and the Creator. This is because our egoistic desires, until corrected, always “deafen” the evaluation of our connection with the Creator. No matter how I perceive Him, even if it is in the best possible way, I still have a feeling about it, and I evaluate it. And my evaluation is always lower. This is because it is made in my egoistic, still-uncorrected desires, and this is why I always remain unhappy about something. Egoism removes an enormous amount of “overtones,” “higher harmonics,” from the perception of the Creator, and leaves only a poor light.
Imagine: Instead of my beloved appearing before me to embrace me and cover me in kisses, I was mailed a tiny package, and that is it. Similarly, my egoism in the end removes absolutely everything: I receive some package, which looks absolutely insignificant.
We must complete this on our own: these “harmonics,” “overtones,” the things filtered out by egoism, all the higher things it “cuts off,” the special attitude, pleasure, and sensation. We must add the things that were filtered out by egoism by using gratitude and exalting the Creator.
If I am able to do this, then I begin to perceive the manifestation of the Creator precisely in these additional “harmonics.” The filter removes Him and leaves me with nothing but a small, insignificant gift, a small glow, and I must restore it. And I restore it by addressing Him with admiration and being grateful. Then, in my address, the Creator reveals Himself.
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/19/12, Lesson 6