During the preparation for correction the order of the inner work is as follows: Wanting to connect with the friends, I pressure myself and make great efforts. In response, the Light, the force that helps me connect, shines on me. Finally, I complete the connection and immediately the AHP of the higher degree, whose desire to receive is even lower and thicker than mine, is revealed. As a result, I feel that I am in an even greater exile.
So it turns out that the more I try to reach goodness, bestowal, the deeper I sink into evil. However, this immersion into evil is comprised of two parts: On one hand, I still remember the connection that was achieved, the closeness to the friends, and on the other, a new corrupt desire is now revealed to me, even worse than before.
Thus during the period of exile, I grow not in a linear way, but step-by-step. By attaining connection I fall, and not by one degree but by two. It’s because in the beginning I rose to unification (+), then I fell to detachment (-), and so now I feel a double descent (x2). Then everything repeats again and again: I rise and fall even lower.
I always fall not to the previous level of the ego, but from the level I rose to. Therefore, because of every ascent, the next fall is twice as bad. When I rise, I ascend in bestowal, and when I fall, I descend into receiving and into the filth.
Thus a person expands his vessels by building-up the good according to the evil, and thanks to that he advances during the 400 years of exile.
The exile begins when we approach unification in the group. It ends when, having given all our powers to unification, we reach a point when we cannot connect.
During this process we unite and become the people of Israel. It isn’t the same small group that once descended into Egypt because of internal conflicts, like the conflict of Joseph and his brothers, for example. One united nation comes out of Egypt, although it is still impossible to attain Godliness by this unification. At the present state the form of unity is revealed as the control of the desire to receive. Only by our last effort does the escape, the exit from the ego, occur.
In spirituality we also walk on “two legs”: from unity to separation and then to unity again. Pharaoh grows, so does Moses opposite to him, and the Creator is revealed.… All these discernments become greater and greater, and we don’t escape them, but carry on with our work.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/5/2012, Writings of Rabash