Question: Usually, leaders are extremely aggressive toward other people. They hit where it hurts the most, but when they receive feedback, they get offended and walk away. And that happens all the time.
Answer: If these people don’t hear about the necessity of integration with others yet and thus continue behaving this way, they have to be put on some kind of probation. That is, they can listen, record, summarize, or draw graphs and tables for many months. They discourse and discuss everything purely theoretically.
They can write a PhD thesis from all their research, but they can’t “push” all of that into themselves; they can’t use it in practice. They have to be somewhere on the side from the practicing group as the latter can already start putting this method, the system of integration, into practice. And they have to be given an opportunity to work with materials, which is what we usually do.
Each group has people like that, and it is necessary to agree with that. Nature created them this way. Usually, I assign them to work with materials.
And they work on it for many months. They dig, invent, compare, systematize, and search for interesting excerpts based on examples or scenes; generally speaking, they do any work related to processing materials. They prepare reports because by examining various companies and social movements outside of us, we get in touch with the world.
While working on these materials, they have to write about connection between all external cases they observe or events they see in the group. We give them group video recordings in which the group discusses its yet unrealized integral ties, exposing all obstacles, imbalance, and disputes between its members. They process all of that, discuss, make conclusions, and so on. This kind of work with materials changes them gradually.
Usually, people like that are highly egoistic and have a stronger sense of shame (we understand that egoism and shame are the same thing); they are more demanding toward others and can’t see themselves from the side. In general, these people are extremely strong, but they totally lack the ability to see themselves objectively, from the side. They simply lack this by nature, but it has to gradually develop in them under the influence of the material.
They work with the material, study, systematize, and then bring it back to us, and the instructors check it. Usually, we get enough people like that and form a separate group out of them. We start working with them by showing materials of the same kind which they work on, and then we proceed with discussions.
And then various nuances appear, and these people start realizing what they lack in order to be inside of the group, get closer to it, and not just be independent judges and stay above everyone else (they immediately put themselves on the level of instructors). Gradually, they realize that they are worse and lower than everyone else in the group because the rest of the people already starts feeling the need for integration, starts seeing and guessing the difference between them, while they don’t. They can only see other people from the side, but not themselves. That is the work.
If a group has people like that (usually, there are not that many of them), these could be future leaders because they can go far with that enormous egoistic charge they posses. But they have a long way to go. They don’t immediately get into an integral interaction. Sometimes it takes years for them to start feeling the need for the group, the need to put themselves under its influence. Otherwise, they won’t be able to reach their new integral life on the level of “Man” and will remain a mechanism that observes from the side but doesn’t change itself. After all, the essence of the method is to change a person himself. And this gradually appears in them as well.
Any kind of coercion against them is forbidden. Realization of one’s own nature should go through a person and occur in him or her without urging, but just under the influence of the “hints,” when you give them materials and the materials work on them.
We distinguish and encourage people like that: “See how special you are.” Yet a group should be more or less homogeneous, and we have to put such people into a separate system so that they do not interfere with everyone else.
You can turn them into your assistants, but make sure that the pride they will feel does not hinder their development. We just have to be quiet in many cases and wait for them to change.
From a “Talk on Integral Education” #10, 12/16/11