Question: What is the right way to turn to the friends for help so they would ask the Creator to open my heart, and how should I carry out this request when a friend asks this of me?
Answer: All religions have a custom where a small person addresses a great rabbi or priest, asking him to pray in his stead and paying him money for it. And the latter then turns to the Creator with his request.
But just think: How is it possible to obtain a vessel, a place for revealing the Creator, if you have not built, felt, and realized it yourself yet? How can someone else create this instead of you, having a different root of the soul? How can they make the request and work for you? This is simply impossible. One person cannot do this for another.
Every person has his own root of the soul, so how can someone else, having a different root of the soul than me, carry out my work? He does not have the basis that I have, and neither does anyone else. We can only strengthen and complement one another, but no one can do the work for you.
But in that case, what does it mean to pray for the friends? When we pray for a friend, we ask all together for help to come to him. But after that he has to figure everything out on his own. It’s as if we are bringing him the medicine, our help. And after taking that medicine he can join us with greater force and become our partner. But no one can direct a request upward for someone else.
We can only unite all together and help one another. Therefore, a friend does not turn to the Creator instead of you asking for your correction. He can ask for help for your sake so you would receive the force and begin realizing it yourself.
That is exactly how we act in relation to the whole world, and this is how Kabbalists acted when writing their books for us, through which they conduct the Light to us. This is how every one of us acts in relation to another person. We depend on one another, bringing the Light of correction and fulfillment to one another. But we do not do the work for one another.
Everything happens only between you and the Creator, but with the help of the group. Through the group you come to the Creator. You attain the Creator personally, individually, but through the group.
If a friend turns to you for help, you connect with his desire and your desire becomes twice as big. And then you connect the desires of other friends to it, more and more. It’s preferable to have at least ten people, according to the ten Sefirot in the vessel, and then we make a request all together.
That is why there is a custom to gather at least ten people to pray around a sick or deceased person.
From the Arava Arvut Convention Lesson #4, 2/24/12