A Kabbalist’s Dissatisfaction

281.02Question: Were you ever in danger that you would not progress to the spiritual state you have now?

Answer: Of course there was. Is my current state the end of all correction? I am not happy with myself. Maybe I seem like someone who has achieved everything, but for me, this is completely unsatisfactory. I am not being modest, but I actually feel that way.

Today I do not feel myself more perfect than the five-year-old boy that I remember myself as. Then the question of the meaning of life burned in me, and I felt tiny before the vast universe.

We had our own house, a large yard, and a garden. I liked to go out into the courtyard at night and look at the stars, and I did not understand where I was: “I must feel what kind of world this is.” But not what is around me: all this life, some kind of fuss and emptiness.

Of course, today I am not in such a state. I feel the worlds and our world relatively; I compare them with each other and understand where I am. But compared to what is opening up, I feel as one who completely has not achieved the desired.

The fact is that a person consists of two voids, two Kelim (vessels): the one I am in now, and the one that is being revealed, the future state.

Today I have a certain part of me, which is filled with something and gives me some knowledge and qualities. This is my current vessel.

At the same time, my next vessel is opening, an empty one, in which incomprehensible questions are asked, and in which there are all kinds of sensations and emptiness. This next vessel in me is very large. This suggests that someday I will fill it.

Ultimately, this will be the case for everyone. But this vessel is very pronounced in me, emptiness rings in me, and therefore bothers me.
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Laitman’s Dissatisfaction” 3/6/11

Related Material:
Desires of a Kabbalist
The Pain of a Kabbalist
A Kabbalist’s Concerns

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