Who is Loved More: A Foster Child or a Biological One?

627.1Question: Nadezhda writes: “The question is very painful for us. I could not get pregnant for a long time, and we decided to adopt a child from an orphanage. This was a lengthy procedure that took us five years. This is how Ilya appeared in our house.

And then I managed to give birth to a child. Today we have two sons Ilya and Denis. Ilya is 8 years old, and Denis is 6.

I am writing to you with the consent of my husband. We do not know what to do. Denis, our biological son, feels that he is less loved. He became irritable. He does not hide that he is jealous of his brother and shouts at him. He does not know that his brother is adopted, but we do know.

We have watched a lot of your talks on the topic of education. We have seen the one in which you say that adopted children become closer than biological ones. But we love them both equally. We do not single out anyone, and still, something is wrong.

We want them to be real brothers. We are suffering so much! How can we change the situation?

Answer: It is because you are constantly proving to yourself that you love your adopted son like your biological one. You cannot help but distinguish between them.

Question: It sits in them, and therefore the adopted son stands out, and the biological one, as it were, appeared naturally, he is ours, right?

Answer: Yes. Imagine that every time, in any turn, in any appeal, you still feel that you owe him as an adopted son. And the other one is yours.

Question: He will remain mine, and I must prove to the adopted son all the time that he is mine, right?

Answer: Yes. They will grow up, they will go their own way, and each will have his own family, and everything else. But for now, yes.

Question: Will it be like this for now? That is, our biological son feels at the inner level.

Answer: He is at the adopted child level. And the adopted child is at the level of the biological one. Because that is the way things are in our world.

Question: Can you give some advice, please? How can parents at least bring their children to a state in which they are still like brothers?

Answer: It depends on the parents. The kids probably do not know (the truth).

Question: They do not know. Can parents change internally like that?

Answer: No. It sits in them internally so deep. They wanted a child too much, and therefore, due to their strong aspiration, they accepted the adopted child in such a way that he became dearer to them than their own.

Question: Then tell me, what is love for these two children, the adopted and the biological one?

Answer: Love is earned. You must pay for it, sacrifice yourself, and then to that extent you love. They wanted a child so much that the adopted child is more precious to them than their own.

Question: But will this not lead to any distortions or tragedies?

Answer: Children will grow up and then they will figure it out. They will figure it out anyway. It will take time.

Question: Time heals here. So do you tell the parents to calm down? To keep living as they are living now? Obviously, they love both.

Answer: Yes, but still there is a difference.
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From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 1/5/23

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