Against The Headwind

41.01The Creator never punishes us but always only advances us. We, however, consider it punishment. And He can advance us only due to the fact that the desire to receive pleasure grows in us more and more, and therefore we find ourselves in ever greater egoism and distance from the Creator, in an ever worse and opposite state to the Creator.

We cry because of our inability to get what we want or our inability to give, and so we pull ourselves out. Because of all this tossing, we begin to see how the Creator controls us in a purposeful way although He does not lead us along the shortest path to the goal. After all, we are not able to move directly to the opposite property. How can I move toward something that is disgusting, hateful, and frightening to me? And how can I go to such a repulsive goal that I certainly do not want? I am obviously not able to go directly to it, and that is the whole problem.

On one hand, I am in my egoism, the desire to enjoy. On the other hand, there is the Creator, the desire to bestow. And I am not even able to make a slightest move in the direction of the Creator, just as a sailboat cannot sail against the wind but must maneuver, that is, zigzag.

It is impossible to shift directly to bestowal, but we can at least approach it, act a little for the sake of reception, a little for the sake of bestowal, and thus achieve the goal. Therefore, until we reach the goal itself, we are not sure that we are going toward it in the right way. After all, our direction is never right!

It always deviates one way or the other and raises questions. And at the very last stage until the very last moment before entering and merging with the Creator, we do not know that it will happen. We do not know what lies ahead, but the gates suddenly open and we enter.

This is our job: to believe that we are progressing correctly according to external signs. We cannot swim directly to the goal, that is, with intention for the sake of bestowal toward the Creator. This is impossible because it is opposite to our nature. Our nature is one big minus and the Creator is one big plus.

Therefore, we can only maneuver, act in the form of bestowal for the sake of bestowal, and then receive for the sake of bestowal but only partially, step by step—zero, first, second, third, fourth, and receive more and more filling—Nefesh, Ruach, Chaya, Neshama, Yechida, layer by layer.

And of course, I cannot advance alone. The whole advancement goes only through the center of the ten in connection with the friends. And we forget it all the time, we get lost, and we are forced to start as if from the beginning.

I cannot directly attack the desire to bestow. I have no such attributes. But if I add my desire to receive pleasure to the properties of the friends in whom the Creator shines, then I can walk correctly directed to the goal, against my egoism. I cancel my desire to receive pleasure and unite with my friends as tightly as possible, and then all my efforts are illuminated by the reflected light (the surrounding light) and allow me to move in a roundabout way.

There is only one way to rise above my nature—annul myself in front of my friends. By this, I awaken upon myself a higher influence, the upper light, which slightly turns me away from my egoism and allows me to advance.

The Creator shines inside the ten because He sees it at the end of correction. And if I want to move from point 1 to point 2, then the Creator already sees us at point 2. And if I am ready to annul myself in front of the conditions set by Him that He reveals in ten and affects me through the ten, then I attract from above, from the source, the reflected light, and I move forward. In this way, I attract the forces of the higher nature so that they change my nature.
From the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 11/17/21, Writings of Baal HaSulam, Shamati #71 “My Soul Shall Weep in Secret-2”

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