At first, this place seems horrible, dark, and cramped. Yet, if one annuls one’s egoism, Malchut, and relative to it increases Bina, then this dark, oppressive place becomes a mother’s womb.
Then it will expand even more, transforming into an entire world since we are adding Malchut to the properties of Bina, as a result of which Bina expands boundlessly, embracing the entirety of reality. We begin to constructively use the powers of Malchut and Bina, bringing Malchut to the likeness of Bina. Malchut, which becomes similar to Bina, amplifies bestowal 620 times.
I discover in the tight, oppressive place a governance that is opposite of me and is demanding me to bend, to annul my egoism. I am unable to do that. I scream and pray, but in the end, I nevertheless find the strength for it. Then, in this self-annulment before the force of bestowal, I see how good that force is.
Prior to it, I did not see its goodness. It seemed to me that there is nothing good in bestowal, that only receiving is good. However, out of desperation, after finding myself in a confined, dark, horrible place, as if buried alive in the ground, I decide to change myself in order to enter a new world.
After all, a grave is the same as a mother’s womb. I perceive it as a grave until I find the force of Bina there and identify myself with it. Then it transforms into a mother’s womb.
I have ten minutes in this grave until I suffocate from lack of air. The only way out is to quickly find the force of Bina and transform the grave into a womb. I have to make every effort in order to find that “There is none else besides Him,” which brought me to this state and is concealed within it. I must establish a connection with Him in order to start using the desire to bestow and thus develop in the new world.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 9/3/18, Lesson on the Topic: “Conception”