How do we come to a true prayer that is born out of a genuine desire? It is written: “A person is where his thoughts are.” Therefore, one has to start checking where his thoughts are: to restrict myself, my desire, to one point and with it attach myself to the Creator. And then I start to feel different states that are going through me, and in each one I should re-attach myself to the adhesion with the Creator.
I may not know exactly how to execute this restriction to a point, but I keep trying, like a child who wants to grow up. This is how I start to build my spiritual Partzuf, and scrutinize the disturbances that the Creator sends me from all directions, which scare me, confuse me, and rattle my heart and mind. I continually return myself to the point of adhesion. Nothing more is asked of me; this is how I build my spiritual plane.
If, above all disturbances, I nullify and attach myself back to the Creator, then every disturbance in my heart and mind gets corrected and included in holiness. That is why I will always remain in the genuine desire and true prayer, trying constantly to return to adhesion and realizing that I cannot do it without the Creator’s help. I will constantly reveal problems and apply my effort to ask for adhesion with the Creator.
My first point of adhesion has to be genuine. I am not a part of it, there’s only my goal to adhere to the Creator. And then I begin to study the Creator, from His actions over me I can learn His attitude, character, behavior, and understand what He wants to tell me. This, in essence, is what is called the science of Kabbalah.
The books of Torah are holy because they were written by those who were in holiness, in the spiritual world, i.e., in bestowal and attainment of the upper force, in brotherly love, at the time these books were written. If a person is writing from the feeling of attainment of the Creator, “good that does good,” from the desire to do good to everyone, from the state of love your neighbor as yourself, then his writings are called holy, and they contain the quality of bestowal—Bina.
However, the person reading this book may not have the correct, good intentions. After all, we are born egoists and we start from a negative balance, desiring to attain the reward, or at least avoid punishment. A person thinks that Torah is a wonderful remedy from all problems, and by studying it he will make himself better in this world, and maybe in the next world. Therefore, he studies for his own betterment in this world and the next world, from the fear of punishment and the desire to receive rewards. In this case, what is important to him is the number of Mitzvot he observed and the number of books he studied.
The greatness of the Creator means that in any state that may come, whatever problems and misfortunes befall me, I first and foremost think of Him. Not even of my adhesion with Him, but only of Him, to give Him pleasure.
How can one check if a person really cares about his inability to bestow to the Creator or whether he is just thinking of himself: “Why have I still not reached bestowal?” The way to check is whether he is ready to help others come to bestowal upon the Creator, then he is truly aiming at bestowal.
Every Day To Come Out Of Egypt
First of all, one must adhere to the Creator and then perceive all the disturbances through this point of adhesion, to increase adhesion with the Creator because of them, without getting deeper into life’s problems. I have to leave all my fears and troubles, and adhere to “There is none else besides Him.” I become included in the Creator, into this only existing reality, as one point, as if at the beginning of creation.
“Know that before creation there was only the upper Light, which filled everything… .” And then, in this upper Light a black dot was formed that was opposite to the Light in its desire for pleasure. But it nullifies itself completely before the Light, and I want to do the same! And after I already reach the point of adhesion with the Light, meaning that I see only the Creator in everything that is happening to me, I will be able to open my mind and heart, thoughts and desires, to the point that I am able to refer them to the Creator.
I have nothing of my own, I become a single point. And all my feelings do not belong to me, but are sent by the Creator, so that I will cleave to Him even more. Then my point of adhesion begins to expand above all the disturbances, and my area of adhesion with the Creator will keep on growing. Thus, these are not disturbances, but “help from the opposite,” because it is against me, but it helps me increase our adhesion even more. I do not always succeed in referring everything to the Creator, although I understand that it should be so. Problems and fears can be so big that I will not be able to stay in adhesion with the Creator. The sign of adhesion is the joy that comes from “There is none else besides Him, good that does good.” When I am in adherence with Him, I feel myself in perfection, because everyone who adheres with perfection is also perfect.
If there is no joy, then I am in exile, not in adhesion with “There is none else besides Him.”
I am sitting at work and feeling myself in exile, needlessly wasting time. Someone has come up with all these tasks, and I have to waste my life in them. There is no way out, I have to continue, but with the intention that while doing so I am adhering with the Creator, nullifying myself before Him. And all of it is due to work and disturbances, the so-called imaginary world that gives me the opportunity to increase my adherence. And if I achieve adherence, then I cease feeling this world, it disappears. And if I achieve adherence, then I cease feeling this world, it disappears. Instead of separating, it becomes uniting, concealing the screen turns into revealing.
I turn exile into redemption just by referring everything to the Creator, and this is enough. The whole difference between Egypt and Israel is that the same desire revealed in Egypt changes its intention to bestowal; it passes through the desert and comes to the land of Israel. Thus, every day we must see ourselves coming out of Egypt.
Every day I must strive to achieve adhesion with the Creator, and then I reveal that I am in exile from it. Therefore, my daily work is to adhere to the Creator above the separation and change my evil nature into the good one, the angel of death into the angel of life.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/7/18, Writings of Rabash, “A Real Prayer Is Over a Deficiency”