Answer: This is actually an indication that you are really advancing and that you discover that you have no force. It is very good and it is considered advancement.
How can it be otherwise? How can it be that your ego will allow you to advance towards bestowal? It is like the ten Sefirot of the Direct Light and the Returning Light: As you advance in bestowal from 0% to 100%, your ego diminishes from 100% to 0%. This is called the opposite order of the Lights and the vessels.
And nothing is wrong with that! You should be glad that you have less and less strength to study and to love the friends. You begin to fall asleep and to feel that you are a rag, but this is the truth that should be revealed.
You discover your nature in which there is nothing but a desire to enjoy. If in the meantime no pleasure illuminates for you, you cannot move. Your ego doesn’t want anything and is ready to sleep until your last day: Give me a sleeping pill so that I will fall asleep and never wake up. Who doesn’t want to close his eyes and never open them again? What’s important is not to feel anything.
This is a correct impression, a person has to feel that and then work with it, but there are those who escape. Why do I need to suffer with this feeling? It is better to go with my old friends to a football game or to a pub, to some party, and to enjoy life and think as little as possible.
The main thing is not to think about the goal of creation. You can wave off these thoughts and decide that it is all nonsense in order to justify yourself and get back to your ordinary life.
But there are people who advance despite everything. At every turn we get a chance to choose, but you should know that you will have less and less strength. And then you will either receive it from Above or totally lose it and leave.
Therefore, we begin to think about how to receive force from Above. This is possible only if we ask for it through the group. If the group begins to demonstrate the greatness of the goal and the greatness of the Creator before me, I will wake up thanks to my envy, lust, and honor. This means that I have to receive the desires from the environment or through the environment from Above.
Thus, the greatness of the goal becomes so necessary for me that without it I cannot move or do anything. I have left my old corporeal life and the spiritual life is still far from sight. So what will become of me? The only thing is to end this life uselessly and die?
Here a person begins to understand why Kabbalists say: “either the group or death.” I have no choice but to organize an environment that will impress me with the greatness and the importance of the goal that will shake me and push me, rock me, shame me, and pull me.
It makes no difference what means is used as long as it revives me and wakes me up! I am ready to pay everything that I have for that, I ask: “Friends, wake me up! And when I wake up, I promise to repay you many times more, with interest!” That’s the way we should work.
From the 5th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/27/14,Writings of Baal HaSulam