Baal HaSulam writes that even though a person has a yearning for the Creator, for understanding of meaning, the source of life, and connection with it, he cannot himself be conscious of the Creator as long as a spirit has not descended upon him from above, as long as Light has not descended upon him.
In the meantime we feel this as a source of inspiration, insight, fulfillment, and elevation. If the person feels a revelation from above, only then can he begin to hear what the sages are talking about in their books. And together with this, when he sees what they are truly talking about, he begins to believe them.
Faith means that a person is connected to their words through his inner sensations. Which is to say, he already lives in this and begins to feel, understand, sense, and be aware that always in all of his states, in absolutely everything, he is managed from above. And there is nothing in his life that was not sent from above and he reacted from below, all of his reactions also descended from above. Thus it was conducted through a variety of states that caused various sensations.
It is as if he did something, went somewhere, he ran around, something succeeded for him, something didn’t, and so forth. His inner efforts, moral feelings, physical actions, sufferings, and successes, he was simply passed through these states to create within him the possibility of feeling more and more subtle states that bring him to feel who manages them, for what goal they were sent, and so forth.
A person begins to feel that he has absolutely no freedom in anything and all of his actions are realized according to the movements of the Creator (the Light), and he is completely dependent on them. If they give him a great portion of consciousness like this, then he dissolves into it, and if they give him a small portion, then he is left with the awareness that this is what is happening.
But if he is found somewhere in the middle, then he is thrown into a divided state and doesn’t understand how he must act. At every moment he either condemns the Creator or agrees with Him and that is how it is all the time. They give him a feeling of complete inability to remain in a state like this.
It is as if he is cut in two and doesn’t know what to do with this life. Suddenly he is thrown into criticism and condemnation in the analysis of what is happening with him, his relatives, and friends. For example, he substitutes one of his relatives that drives him crazy, and he condemns the higher management, reproaching himself for his past, as though he is refusing to agree that in the past the Creator operated him.
Conversely, he agrees and understands that all this is done with the help of the Creator and only in order to sharpen his senses, so that with these feelings he can understand and feel the higher guidance.
These states pass through him for some time, gradually coming back and cooling, going to the “right line” or the “left line.” When he is inclined to the left, he begins to feel as if the past depended on him and he admonishes himself because of all of his problems, or because he cannot justify this, since this is done by the Creator.
And the opposite, when he is found in the “right line” with full awareness that all this is done from above, then what is left for him? Where is he in this whole process? Does free choice exist? In a state like this it surely doesn’t exist: not in action, not in intention, not in results, not in anything.
That is the way it happens until he is completely cleansed. Which is to say, all of his observations and all of his doubts pass through some kind of inner work until he reaches the conclusion that there exists a very subtle system here of cooperation between him and the Creator, the Creator yearns for him and vice versa.
Now it is necessary to strengthen this mutual yearning until it reaches its full amount. The moment that this happens, the person will begin to discover true cooperation with the Creator.
From the St. Petersburg Convention “Day Three” 7/14/13, Lesson 5