Question: I understand what disturbs me from reaching the goal now, I lack the “What for?” I see that I have everything that it takes to advance, but I take a step back knowing that it is possible to get something more in this world…
Answer: Where are you getting thoughts like these? You see, they didn’t disturb you before like they do now. This says that you are not sufficiently concerned about holding onto the goal. And if your environment is okay, then something is not okay with you.
This is your diagnosis: lack of connection with the environment. If connection with them was strong, surely no external thoughts could be aroused in you.
The moment that I found my teacher, Rabash (I searched for a teacher for a long time, I passed through several teachers before him), I struggled to adhere to him completely; in this way I burned all the bridges behind me.
Question: How can I arouse importance like this in me? I don’t know what to do, how to move myself.
Answer: In the moments that they give you great desire, it is necessary to realize it, so that afterwards you won’t have the possibility of withdrawing. You see, after this they will give you such great difficulties and you will need to overcome them. And if I burn the previous bridge behind me, the previous level, I can no longer retreat. And they give me enormous difficulties! And I have nowhere to escape! This is very important. In a way we are not aware that escape routes always remain for us: “It’s not so bad,” “later,” “I don’t feel so good now,” and we begin to feel sorry for ourselves. That is how the despicable self-love speaks in us.
You have a group, study, work, dissemination, and everything. But you must connect yourselves to this! Otherwise you withdraw all the time and the turbulence doesn’t let you move forward. The group must check all its friends and influence them this way, drawing them towards more serious adaptation within it. This is our problem.
On the one hand, we want the group to be as large as possible, that everyone will come without conditions. What difference does it make if a person comes to the lessons twice a week or seven times a week? What difference does it make if he learns seriously or listens with half an ear? He simply is not ready for anything else! How many people go into science? All the rest wanted to leave school! Which is to say, in principle, we don’t need stringent limitations for entry into the group. All who want to should come! Especially now when we are speaking so much about integral education!
And on the other hand, we must tighten the connection between us as much as possible, and hold onto each other. But if I look at those who come once a week; I will be like this myself.
Here we are found in a contradiction again, which is typical in our path and we still cannot find the middle ground. If good ideas come to you on this matter, I will gladly listen to them.
From the St. Petersburg Convention “Day Three” 7/14/13, Lesson 5