Question: How can I elucidate my egoism in spirituality if I am not there yet?
Answer: You clarify your spiritual properties even though you are not there yet based on your connection with your friends since you are trying to overcome your egoism and be associated with them through mutual guarantee. One’s aspiration toward the group in which everyone works together and tries to connect is similar to the states and desires that we will experience in the upper world.
I aspire to it as a child who pretends to be an adult. This is how he learns. The same applies to us when we start a new job. We use various models to educate ourselves and, thus, gradually acquire the skills that we need to fulfill the job.
It works the same way in regard to our spiritual work. I don’t know what the upper Light is, nor do I know what the next, higher state will be for me. The upper reality is outside of us and we don’t see how to approach it; however, only for this purpose was this world was created; the common (general) desire was split into billions of parts, allowing us to work with them, collect them back together, and learn how to adjust ourselves in a way that will eventually let us recognize that, on one hand, we are unable to collect the broken pieces together on our own, and, on the other hand, we are eager to accomplish it.
Then, we realize that not only are we unwilling to work on it, but, in general, we are totally unable to. But, at the same time, while continuing to act and make efforts, we begin sensing a huge desire to make it somehow come true.
Suddenly, those huge, diverse, and often times opposite states of ours gather into one piece. They still contradict one another since on one hand, we must bring up our tremendous, salient egoism, and on the other hand, we must aspire to the Light, to bestowal.
These states still are opposite to and isolated from each other. The Light that connects them together creating a spiritual vessel (a desire and the screen), has not descended to them as of yet.
So far, there is no screen, nor is there any connection between the Light and the desire. They are standing apart from one another. This oppositeness is felt within our desire as something very intense and contradictory, but we still must aspire to make it happen. Then, it will happen.
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/18/12, Lesson 5