Question: Is my stubbornness worth anything? If everything depends on the Creator and tomorrow He can throw me off-track, where is my work here?
Answer: It doesn’t matter whether the Creator throws me off or not; I have to be stubborn. I have to make sure that even when I feel as if the Creator is throwing me, I don’t leave. I receive such support from the environment that it enables me to stay and not run away.
The more we advance, the more the Creator will reject us. I will feel greater disrespect for Him, and the relationship between us will become worse. I will not understand why the Creator repays me with such ingratitude. This is the work, and this is its reward? Is this fair?
New, corrupt, egoistic desires constantly will be revealed, and as a result, our relationships with the Creator will become worse; they will be unpleasant and illogical. The friends also will seem worse and lower, and the way will seem meaningless. I will not find the powers inside me nor the logical explanation to respect the Creator, the group, and the way.
In the meantime, we are in a state where everything seems sublime and important in our corporeal beastly mind, in our ego. We see that the corporeal world isn’t worth much compared to this great goal and that we have a foundation that is above everything else.
However, this is how we see it today, and tomorrow, if we are stronger, we will be shown a totally different picture that there is nothing to hold onto along the way. The Creator will seem as a foolish illusion that doesn’t really exist; the group will seem like a gathering of empty, useless people, and the study as a meaningless occupation that hasn’t led anyone to success so far.
There is a kind of “eye opening,” and it is a miracle that a person can hold onto the way and continue. It is only in the meantime that, considering our weakness, we are given such a feeling that the group is important, and the friends, the teacher, and the books are important.
However, imagine that the teacher has left you, the group has become unimportant, and the books just stand on the shelf covered with dust, and that’s it. That’s the end. So, we should prepare ourselves for the advanced states that may be very difficult.
I see that people escape minor unpleasant situations and cannot justify their exertion. Even before they are confused from above and rejected from spirituality, they already escape.
We must understand that the Creator is behind the whole picture that we perceive, and behind the way we feel ourselves and the world. The picture of this world not only is what I see before me, but everything that I feel. After having accepted this picture and trying to feel it to its full depth and in every direction in the mind and in the heart, I have to say that there is none else besides Him and that it is He who depicts this picture for me on purpose so that I will respond to it correctly.
As it is written, “From Your actions, I will know You.” His actions are me and this world. I know Him since through all this, I want to reach Him and to know Him as the force of bestowal, as the good and the benevolent.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/3/12, Writings of Baal HaSulam