Question: Why is the Creator concealed from me? What is He afraid of?
Answer: During the preparation period a person sometimes feels that the Creator is concealed from him, and sometimes he doesn’t feel anything. As a person advances he feels how much he needs the revelation of the Creator so that he will be able to bestow.
A person understands that without this revelation he will never be able to bestow. Only the revelation of the Creator in contrasts to my ego will provide me with the attribute of bestowal above receiving, “faith above reason.” Then I will be able to restrict myself, and will receive a Masach, (screen) and the Returning Light, and will be able to bestow, but it all depends on the level of the Creator’s revelation to me.
I am waiting for His revelation, not in order to receive pleasure from Him, but so that I will be able to work above my desire to receive. This is the state we should reach and we are almost there. We have to feel that the revelation of the Creator is essential, so that we will be able to attain bestowal and connect among us and bestow upon Him.
First different thoughts come up, searches and then feelings. It is the state of the “posterior,” which is a state of deficiency, of necessity. The “face” is already the filling, the revelation. But in spirituality the filling and the revelation symbolize the ability to bestow by which I am filled.
I am not filled in my vessels of receiving as I previously thought. New vessels are depicted in me and by them I feel a deficiency for connection, for bestowal, a yearning to see everyone and all of reality as one. By trying to actually implement this I suddenly understand that I can’t do that and that I want to do something else, but I don’t have the “hands” to do so.
I cannot perform an action of bestowal. It is like wanting to do something in this world but not having the tools to do it, and so I feel totally helpless and powerless, lacking the understanding and the resources to carry it out. I feel like a fish that has no fins that cannot do anything and cannot change anything.
I understand that I need a certain force, in order to discover all three discernments: right, left and the middle. Then I will discover how to work with the right and left lines in order to build the “head” between them, the mind. My fulfillment is when I will be able to fulfill this action of bestowal above myself. I have to imagine exactly how to put all the components together, in order to feel the importance of bestowal, who I bestow upon, what do I bestow, and by what do I bestow. This means that I clearly understand this action.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/15/12, Writings of Rabash