Our goal is to reach a true prayer, which means to understand what we lack. It is true because it is accepted Above. This means that a deficiency on the part of the lower one and a deficiency on the part of the upper one have to be equal, the lower should ask for exactly what the upper one wants to give him.
This means that I have to feel that I only lack bestowal and the understanding that only the Creator can give me this filling: the force of bestowal and the ability to bestow, all the necessary conditions. The Creator has to reveal the desire to bestow and how to reach it inside me by showing me upon whom and what I can bestow.
This whole system of connection is called the Torah. And both the Light and our ability to bestow are included in it. But until then I have to work and first of all check what I want, what desires there are inside me, and to what extent they are all in order to receive.
Then I become included in the right environment and with its help, I gradually begin to change. I already begin to hear that the spiritual world isn’t meant for self-pleasure, but for the good of others. I realize this gradually and with great difficulty. I hear about it, but it takes a long time until I really understand this in my mind and feel it in my heart.
There is a great distance between simple awareness and actually doing something. We have to exert ourselves while in our natural ego in order to perform actions that are totally opposite to it, that are aimed at connection and bestowal. Even though it may be artificial and against my will, it is still called “above reason.”
But what can fuel my machine, what can be the reward? After all, I can’t work so that others will feel better, I don’t see any benefit in it and I can’t even move a finger for this cause, I can’t perform even the slightest action. My nature doesn’t work on bestowal energy. I don’t feel someone else’s desire as my own in a way that I can fill it and feel as if I fill myself.
In the meantime, I don’t feel anything, and it is as if others don’t exist for me. To fill the others is against my interests. So I operate mechanically, as if I bestow upon them and connect with them. Actually I do it for my own sake.
However, I understand that this is what “You labored and you found” means! I exert myself, and in the meantime the Light influences me and changes something in my soul. Gradually I begin to feel the greatness of the Creator and the importance of the environment, but it takes years to reach this internal attitude.
I advance by first realizing that bestowal is good for my own sake, and gradually I begin to perceive the importance of the attribute of bestowal itself. There are ups and downs on this path. One time I may value bestowal more and another time I may want to use it for my own sake, to enjoy the fact that I am on this path. Sometimes I don’t think about it at all, but only about receiving, and then I wonder about wasting my time and I have doubts about the whole way. So I advance by going through all these states.
The goal of the advancement is to bring me to a true prayer. I receive all the elements of this prayer from the environment. There is nothing in a person himself that can bring him to spiritual attainment. He needs a teacher that will constantly guide him, he needs a group in which he fulfills the whole process, and he needs books through which he receives the Light that Reforms.
These three elements are not part of our desire to receive and of the corporeal life. And they must be organized so that with their help we can attain the importance of the spiritual properties.
This is possible only by the Light. How can I otherwise wish for something that brings me no self benefit but only requires that I make efforts, and what is more to enjoy it. But the Light gradually cleans me and gives me this ability, and then I begin to value the spiritual connection with the Creator.
I attain a true deficiency, which is very powerful. Besides, its truth is proven to me since the Creator accepts it and responds to my request. Thus we meet Him for the first time “face-to-face,” the Creator’s deficiency connects with the deficiency of the created being.
This means that the Creator is revealed and then a person rises above his ego and begins to work in order to bestow. This whole process is divided into two parts: The first phase is the preparation for the true prayer. The moment we attain it, we begin to advance with it by gradually revealing a greater deficiency. But from the moment we attain this true deficiency our attainment of the Creator begins.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/24/12, Writings of Rabash