Question: The more I study the Creator, His nature, and the principles of unity, the stronger I feel that I am opposite to all of this and that I am confused. Why does this happen and what does it mean?
Answer:Imagine: there is a person, who is hospitalized. If we were to speak with a physician observing this patient, he would tell us about a rare disease, different methods of treatment for this disease, and about his assumptions regarding this case. Now let us question the nurse: She knows all the illnesses and all the medicines, in general and in particular. And finally, talk to the hospital janitor: She knows all the illnesses and all medications, in general and in particular.
The moral: the deeper a person penetrates the essence of things, the greater the complications he finds in them. For him, every detail goes to extremes and divides into a multitude of components. Things are difficult for a person like this, he always hesitates; many things are questionable to him. The same way sages have doubts where things are clear as day to regular people.
As we work on attaining the upper force and we constantly encounter confusion and analyze things; we must enjoy one and the other. There are two sides of the same process, which leads to the realization, understanding, and attainment. It is written that there is no greater joy than elimination of doubts. Many contradictions overtake you, you are not able to tie anything together—and suddenly everything becomes clear, thus greatly pleasing you.
When the Light of wisdom, the Light of Hochma, enters the Light of Hasadim and fills the desire, you experience a state of perfection, which comes from our Source. The following is always just: “And there was evening, and there was morning, one day.” Again and again Light dispels the darkness. Thus we advance.
The feeling of night usually weighs upon new students, and unable to control themselves, they capitulate. I remember myself lying, unable to rise; I did not see a gleam of light before me. But then the next stage comes: You begin to understand where this comes from and why, you gather experience by opposing these waves, you gain feeling and reason: You first gain feeling, and then you transition to the stage of understanding.
This is the journey, and the main thing is to continue it. Changes will come. Naturally, it is hard for a person in the beginning: He is subject to his state and is not yet able to rise above it. This is why we must be delicate with new students, when they lose it under the pressure of circumstances or become lost as in a fog. This is the way a new additional realization affects a person once he gains it. We are made of desire and sensations are our life. There are different states, and time heals us when the mind is powerless. This is the period of preparation.
From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/12/12, Shamati #190