Question: The Kabbalists are telling me about the property of bestowal, but I don’t sense it. I don’t even have the end of the thread…
Answer: When you experience the need for bestowal you can understand what bestowal is like. Try to bestow to your friends and you will see that you don’t want it. From this you will understand what it would be like if you possessed the property of bestowal. Then you will start guessing what you lack.
The reasoning is as follows. I want to achieve unity with my friends. They are united with one another while I am detached from them. Honestly I don’t want this unity, I am incapable of doing this, I keep forgetting about it. The sparkle of my desire dims. I can revive it only when I am with my friends, when I connect to them even because of shame.
I become closer to them, I work in the group and I begin to understand how much I need love. The sketches of my efforts gradually depict a picture of bestowal. I think about its benefits and this way I form a vessel, desire. Perhaps it’s still unreal and only preliminary. However, with every effort I draw the upper Light, which is built according to my desires. It is coming from perfection, from Eternity, to the very breakage, to this world. Perhaps like a child I play a guessing game, but the Light is doing its work. This makes it possible for me to move toward bestowal.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 2/2/12, “Introduction to the Study of the Ten Sefirot”