An e-mail I received on December 18, 2008: I am writing to you because I am desperate, even though I feel extremely guilty for taking up your time. I have been deeply depressed for a long time, and the only other thing I ever feel is a lack of desire to live and emptiness. I don’t feel anything else.
I listen to the lessons every day, but even when I suddenly hear and understand something, it instantly disappears before I can even remember or feel it. I participate in the Bnei Baruch dissemination projects, but it doesn’t give me strength. I am rapidly falling. Everyone is thinking about the crisis and how to come out of it, but I can’t even come out of myself. All I can feel is unbearable pain and resentment. I don’t know what to do. Please reply to me on your blog!
My Answer: The two forces acting in creation are the Light and the desire; everything that exists is comprised only out of these two. They interact in such a way that sometimes the Light dominates, and sometimes the desire. We sense this alternation between them as the contrast of joy / fulfillment and bitterness / emptiness.
Since you cannot come out of your depression, my advice to you is to delve into it even more than it really is: artificially push yourself into even greater self-denigration, feelings of anger, resentment and guilt. This way, by pushing yourself down with all your might, you will take control over the depression, and you will then discover just how artificial all your sensations are, how much they depend on your subjective outlook. And then, from the bottom of your descent, you will feel joy and Light!
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