Question: Talking to some women, I asked why they don’t communicate with each other, why do they lock themselves within four walls? It turned out that it’s not customary to take out existing problems to be up for discussion….

Answer: That’s correct. But the moment we begin to see them as the regular everyday problems that everyone has, the moment we treat them as a means of ascent, as problems given to us from Above to be solved together, no more personal “I” is left in a person. None left at all!

An “I” is a mechanism, which, by joining together with others into one integral whole, looks at its personal problems as problems that are same for everyone and has solve his own, yours, his problems, etc. with the help of everyone else.

It’s not that there’s nothing to hide, but a person has nothing left at all. Where is he then? “He” is what we build together. It’s the place of amalgamation of all of those personal, family, and joint egoisms; it’s the place where our own longing upwards towards the ascent amalgamates.

If people are attuned correctly, they will realize that there’s nothing to be ashamed about, there’s nothing to hide, mutual help must exist. If you don’t want to reveal anything, there’s no need to, but you have very strong support and thanks to that, everything is being solved.

I think that we are now going through that stage. And on the next level, women will seriously get involved into the group system and that will help them.
[83973]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

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Question: If I see that my husband doesn’t appreciate me, do I have to put this feeling aside?

Answer: No, you shouldn’t extinguish the feeling, but try to rise above it. You establish such an attitude regarding your husband that is as if you are receiving absolute love from him.

Question: Should I share my feelings with him?

Answer: Yes, of course. Tell him, “According to my nature, egoistically, I feel that I am not getting enough love and care from you. You don’t care about me like you used to; you don’t bring me flowers; you don’t show that you care. We don’t live the way we used to when we were young, when we were happy together and used to spend more time together. Today, it is as if each one is sitting in his corner and my demands from you have grown to such an extent that it’s as if they are filling our whole mutual relations.

But I don’t want anything from you except for one thing: Instead of complaining to one another, let’s present the complaints to ourselves. Let’s see each other’s deficiencies as our own. Let’s do this psychological exercise.

This exercise will help each one see his partner as perfect and yourself as not so perfect. Then above all our flaws, we will try to treat each other like partners, this is the actual wholeness. Eventually, despite everything that’s going on, I will treat you only with love, like a mother treats her child according to the principle “Love covers all transgressions.”

I demand the same thing from my partner, since his attitude towards me will increase my attitude towards him. I also need a good and correct model from him so he has to treat our efforts in the work above the ego seriously. The better my partner’s example is, the higher and more important he will seem to me, and the more respect I will feel towards him. This will give me the power to repay him to the same extent.

On the one hand, I have to raise my partner in my eyes and to appreciate the model he portrays. After all, he overcomes his impulses, and at the exact same time I discover a “weakness” as my ego pulls me by the legs downwards and doesn’t allow me to rise above myself. On the other hand, I should always be responsible and be a model for my partner and thereby empower him. Thus we become models for each other. Each one tries to be both the other’s teacher and student at the same time; once he raises his head and once he lowers it. This mutual support is already the right equal mutual connection. Thereby our mutual interdependence is revealed.

We have to discover the benefit that we get time after time, the new system of our mutual relations that is based on mutual concessions and on each one overcoming himself. We rise to the level of mutual love by leaving the mutual complaints below, but we don’t destroy anything and don’t “sweep under the carpet” anything, but only build something new from the same blocks, the same inner urges that constantly increase the ego.

Therefore, we constantly feel mutually dependent. I have to constantly support my partner and be a model of overcoming, and I need the same thing from him. Thus we become true partners against our common ego, against our common enemy, which we call the “serpent.” By confronting it we begin to get closer to each other and this makes us one whole.
[83549]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/11/12”

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Question: According to statistics, 85% of women share all their secrets with their female friends, and about an equal percentage of men share all their secrets with their wives. Let’s imagine for a moment that a man comes with his problems to his wife and constantly talks about his friends’ wrongdoings and the negativity in his surroundings. This leads many women to think very poorly of her husband’s environment.

Answer: This woman is not sufficiently trained; she is not a psychologist. In order for a family to exist in balance, the woman should be like the family psychologist.

A man comes to his wife the same way that he once came to his mother; we can understand that. In this regard she should feel like a mother in relation to him. He has a need, a necessity for this. Therefore it is written, “May one leave the parents and adhere to the wife.” This isn’t simply because the woman personifies a force that gives birth and develops. Man, as it were, is tossing the wood on the fire and everything else is going on through the female force.

People should understand this. If this doesn’t happen, then of course the wife will begin to disregard her husband. We need to reach a state where men and women will interact correctly with each other, and for now it isn’t the case.
[82883]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: What do we do if the women whose husbands already are working with integral upbringing raise claims to them such as, “You go there; you’re saving the world while we are vegetating here”?

Answer: It means that the woman has not received enough of integral upbringing. She does not feel that, through her self-sacrifice, since the husband is not home because he is studying and everything rests upon her shoulders, she makes a huge contribution, above all, for herself and her children. She does not understand the higher, spiritual impact that comes to them.

Here, it is important to explain to the person and give him the opportunity to somewhat feel that eternity, the perfection into which we are entering on the next level, is instilled in nature. Everyone talks about this today.

We need to let the women feel that here is a higher reward, to make them participants of what their husbands are doing, but in different circles, with children, between women, and so on. This is all possible.

We are situated at such a transition where we are developing the methodology from various directions. In front of us, the entire world lies as an untrodden expanse. This is our century, our generation; this what we still have to do.

Psychologists, ecologists, economists, and political scientists must play their role, all of the people who represent the middle class and above who understand, realize, and feel the reasons behind what is going on; in contrast, the ordinary people who do not feel what is going on, the causes and roots, are therefore unable to do anything. Here, the intellectuals must play their role.
[82856]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: Today people speak a lot about women being downtrodden, oppressed, etc., but no one speaks about the fact that men also are a pitiful sight.

On one hand, he is essentially oppressed in his family; he has no role. On the other hand, he must provide for the family and bring everything the family needs. But the needs have reached a point where not too many men are able to satisfy this need. Moreover, the crisis is making it so that even the things that a man was able to do before, he is no longer capable of doing. As a consequence, he wants to be rude, violent, beat his wife, etc.

Answer: We are in a state that can explode. This is why this problem needs to be solved as a group, integrally: open courses at universities, on television, through housing boards, community centers, night schools, etc.

In other words, we must educate! First of all, we must educate women, because they will take the education further. Second, the same problem must be solved with men in a group who must be “forced” to attend a course.

We must lift people from the animate level to the “Human” level, because today they are a pitiful sight.

Women are better adapted, more capable and ready for changes, because they have a maternal instinct, a strong drive to live, and to survive no matter what. Overall, the woman is a strong element, and the man is a weak element, and he simply needs to be well organized.

There should be no parasites or loafers. If a person does not work, he needs to study. And a working person still needs to study, in the workplace, for example.

All of us need to complete a course of integral education and upbringing. Nothing can happen without it. This must become a government program. Even if it requires financial investment (I do not think it will need much), the immediate economic effect it will produce in every aspect of society will be many times more beneficial than any expenses.

The main thing is to obligate and require people to come and learn, and to not waste time. But this absolutely must be accompanied by a vast mass media campaign, advertising the method of integral learning as a national government program.

I think that this is very possible in Russia, which has such a high demand for a national idea. In general, this does not threaten the government in any way; they can continue to govern, because we are only speaking about the education of the society.
[82715]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: How should we build integral relations in the family? Which attributes and features are typical of man’s behavior and woman’s behavior from the integral perspective? Or perhaps there are no such discernments according to the integral method?

Answer: We have what we were given by nature. No matter how hard I try, I cannot be a woman, not in cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, or in tidying up the whole house in ten minutes. It would take me five hours, and it would still be untidy. Nature hasn’t given man the same skills, the same attitude, the same movement towards what is called a “home.”

This is a woman’s issue, the female part, the female fate, the female area. A woman should manage the home. She should feel that she is the manager of the home and that it is hers.

A lack of education has created a totally different attitude towards the home and towards the family, but as a whole the concern for the home was given to women by nature. You can observe animals: each male mates and leaves, while the female gives birth to the offspring, takes care of them, licks and feeds them, teaches them how to hunt, how to be grown-ups, and sends them out into the world. We can see that in every species. That’s the way it is determined by nature, except perhaps for certain periods of time like when birds sit on eggs together until they hatch.

When we look at people, everything is organized this way, the man goes hunting while the woman guards the home, and you cannot escape this. The closer we are to nature, the more comfortable and pleasant we will feel and the stronger the agreement between us will be. In any case these attributes are part of us and we cannot suppress them in any way. Even if there are mutations, we still have our instincts, Hollywood, unisex, and other fashionable trends do not change a thing.

Therefore, we should arrange a place for everyone to talk about relative rights and duties, and the relationships between men and women. If we don’t have the right relationship, then there will be no family or anything except a negative population growth. So we have to put an end to this once and for all and not dance to the tune of different political parties that want to reach the government, trying to be so original by demanding rights for different groups.

I am not for limiting rights or for the oppression of any group in favor of the other. I am for learning from nature and being similar to it as much as we can; that’s all.

Second, our deck is arranged so that the man has to be the chief provider, and the woman has to take care of the family and educate the children. There is no way we can escape this! We see that if a woman doesn’t do that, then no one does. The result is that the next generation will be even worse than this generation. This means that we have to make sure that the woman will be free, not busy but actually free.

It isn’t that we lock her up in some domestic monastery or behind a locked door. On the contrary, she should study, go to the university at whatever age, and even all of her life. She should take different courses and constantly enrich her knowledge so that she will be an educational role model for her children and her husband. This means that a mother that feels as the real owner of the home should also feel that she is the backbone of the family from whom the whole family will learn about the world, about the right attitude towards life, about education, and everything else.

After all, a man is always under the influence of a woman. Who doesn’t listen to his wife and is secretly afraid of her? It is because everything comes from the mother; after all, we understand our psychology.

So it is very important that we constantly elevate the woman, educate her, and fill her. Through her, this fulfillment passes on to the rest of society. This means that she should take an active part in her own development and education, and also in the education and teaching of all the members of the family.

If we don’t have this revolution, then we will lose the family, the children, our population, society, etc. We can do all this through the woman. In order to do this, the media has to make a little effort. It should not be a government plan but a global one.
[82718]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/28/12

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Question: What is Arvut (Mutual Guarantee) from the standpoint of a woman? Is it support and raising the importance of the goal?

Answer: Since the world has begun to discover the general crisis, there is no difference between men and woman as far as attaining the upper world, in the work between them. Women also sit in workshops and participate in them just like the men, and they experience the same feelings no less than the men. So, I don’t think that there is any difference between the men and women.

It seems to me that all of that is gradually disappearing. All the previous differences will become more internal. This means that within each one of us there are two lines, a man and a woman, and we need to join them again into one common line, in that same Adam (human) that was created, not as a man or a woman, but as it included both from the start, it is understood that both the nature of the man and the woman operates in him.

When Rabash began to write his articles, he gave them to a group of women, and the women read and discussed them. This means that he was concerned about how they would perceive them.

In the time of Rabash, we had to enlarge the room made especially for the women where they attended and listened to our classes three times. I am convinced that nowadays, there is no problem with the presence of women in their support and their active and equal participation with the men. I simply don’t see any special differences, and with the years, we will see less and less. But in the places where the men connect and hug, there is no place for women, but this is because these disturbances exist in us.

And if the roundtables are arranged side-by-side, even in the same room, or in two different rooms, it is only so that we won’t be distracted on the corporeal level, so as not to disturb us. And so, there is no difference. I personally don’t feel inside that there is a difference. And besides that, I hear women’s responses in the workshops that we organize on Sundays and see how much they understand the essence and how much they grasp everything that happens, no less then the men. So, there is no need to pay attention at this.

We need to differentiate between women and men only in one thing. Entering the women’s organization and working in it is only for females. With all other things, there shouldn’t be a separation.
[81945]
From a Talk During the Meal in Toronto, 6/19/12

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Question: How should a woman, studying Kabbalah, maintain a balance between the material and spiritual life, and is it necessary? Should she simply turn away from everything material and aspire just to spirituality?

Answer: I don’t understand why it applies to women. Why doesn’t this apply to any person? First of all, it doesn’t matter whether it is a man or a woman.

In no case we should turn away from the material life. Kabbalah is not in favor of monkhood or seclusion. We must think about this world, about the essentials for living, this is stated in Kabbalah. A person should provide himself with everything he needs, rather than hope that “maybe someone will help.” He needs to have his place and normal, reasonable income. It is a must! And we have to take care of this first of all, instead of relying on others, waiting for help.
[81942]
From a Talk During the Meal in Toronto 6/19/12

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In the News (from LiveScience): “Saying ‘thank you’ may be a simple way to boost marital happiness, new research suggests. This cycle of appreciation may also make for longer-lasting relationships.

“‘Feeling appreciated by your partner influences how you act in your relationship, and how much you want to stay in that relationship,’ study researcher Amie Gordon, of the University of California, Berkeley, told LiveScience. ‘Instead of just waiting for the other person to make you feel good, you can jumpstart that cycle and take it into your own hands by focusing on what’s good in your relationship.’

“‘What goes wrong in a lot of relationships is if you start to take your partner for granted,’ Gordon told LiveScience. ‘You get used to having them in your life and forget why you chose to be with them.’

“They [the researchers] found that, the more often a participant acted understanding, validating and caring toward their partner, the more appreciated their partner felt, and the happier both were in the relationship. These behavioral displays — leaning in to your partner when they are speaking, making eye contact, giving comforting touches — are important ways that people show gratitude.”

My Comment: There is nothing new in these suggestions. The question is how to overcome pride, enter into the feelings of the other, and to think not about one’s own fulfillment, but about good fulfillment of the other? How can we transform egoistic love into altruistic? This should be taught in a short Kabbalah course because it is the method of correction of our nature from reception to bestowal!
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Question: How do men and women take part in the process of integrality?

Answer: In principle, there are no special differences between men and women. In the classroom, it is preferable, of course, to protect the men from sexual interferences and to make sure that even if they are sitting together in a mixed group, it won’t distract them from their awareness. Especially if they are sitting in a circle looking at each other and communicating, they have to learn to rise above the sexual attractions and rejections of their “animal” so that they will look at each person in the circle as the source of desire, and that each one can become integrated with the others, above their body. This is what we need to bring them to.

If we see this kind of disturbance still exists, then beforehand we will have to build a group in which this kind of disturbance won’t appear.

Question: In the second phase of the studies, we prepare experts, both men and women. The task of the man is more or less understood. But which tasks should be prepared for the women?

Answer: I think that more educational tasks for the children, for pensioners, and less for grownups aged 17-50 where male instructors will be more demanded and more suitable.

Of course, this needs to be according to the society you are involved with: Europeans, Asians, or South Americans. It could be that the teaching will be done by couples who will show how they cooperate successfully with each other. In this way, a good atmosphere will be created in the group, and there won’t be any sexual problems.

They can display their equal and absolute cooperation, like two teachers, two human beings, that are approaching the integral world, and want to be included into humanity above their bodies, above the hormones, and other kinds of considerations, and then this will influence the group and they will be able to work quietly and peacefully.
[80870]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/22/12

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