Question: In the process of integral education, can we organize some joint activities for men and women such as on the holidays, for example?

Answer: I think that a society that aspires toward integration will discover a greater separation between the sexes. We see that nature doesn’t agree with any intermingling.

In nature, there exists a precise subordination, a hierarchy, a separation in accordance with functions and the way that men and women realize themselves. It’s precisely the correct alignment of these two opposites that will create and give birth to a new, harmonious society.
[88438]
From a Talk on Integral Education 3/4/12

Related Material:
The Influence Of The Women’s Group On The Men’s Group
The Mother’s Way
The Unity Of The World Lies In Harmony Between Men And Women

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Society, Women - 1 Comment →

Question: From a spiritual point of view do we have to divide our attitude toward the family, humanity, the Creator, and myself equally?

Answer: No. The most important is the group because within it we obtain the necessary condition, the basis, meaning the freedom of choice, intention, and connection with the Creator. Everything is determined within the men of the Kabbalistic group. Women and the rest of the humanity connect to them. The inanimate, vegetative, and the animal parts of nature are under all of them.

Everything is determined within the men’s group between the friends. Women add their desires, their pressure, and they participate in this. However, the network is made between the men’s desires because it is precisely they that are directed toward bestowal, although without the women’s part they lack the pressure for this. This is just like Zeir Anpin in relation to Malchut. This means that we need each other. Everyone knowing their mission complements the other one and we gain the integral Kli.
[87554]
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/17/12, Workshop 5

Related Material:
A Harmonious Integration
Solving Problems
What Is Lacking In The Spiritual Advancement Of The Men?

Filed under: Conventions, Group Work, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: There is a spiritual committee in our group. Three men are elected to raise the importance of the goal in the group throughout the week. You say that the presence of women is always additional help. Can the spiritual committee also have three women participating on this committee from the women’s part?

Answer: No, you cannot. When men are talking about their spiritual problems, they must clarify them separately. You must find another place to solve some problems together, but not during the time the men designate as their strictly male meeting time. You can’t do that! This will not work!

We, meaning humanity, are purposely separated into two very sharp parts: male and female. This dissection and separation comes from above to below, as the Creator to creation. These are two worlds. It’s impossible to connect and compare them in any way.

Unity between man and woman happens only through the Creator; otherwise, this unity doesn’t exist. Therefore, we see where this is leading in our world. With everything that is happening around us, we can only balance it through the Creator. In the same manner we can also balance our families, but only if we accept the necessary condition that the Creator has to be between us, as between me and my friend, also between me and my spouse. If He’s not there, then there won’t be any connection between us. In the end, this is what we are coming to.

However, joint meetings of men and women must really be held and also men’s and women’s meetings separately. And women need to be thinking about how they can unite among themselves and how to help the men.
[86362]
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/18/12, Lesson 4

Related Material:
Contact Points
Women Are The Key To Success
“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”

Filed under: Conventions, Group Work, Q&A, Unity, Women - No Comments →

Question: We have women’s meetings in the group but sometimes it seems that the women are dealing more with questions of their own. The men say openly that they don’t feel a necessity and a need from us. We tried to have meetings together, but they weren’t really successful. On what basis should we gather with the men’s group? How should it be carried out?

Answer: You should gather mainly in order to discuss general matters, like in a family: What should we do with our center, with our lessons, with the kids, etc. We have to discuss that. There have to be joint meetings.

Everything else is internal work. It should be separate for men and for women. Women need to create within themselves a vector, a direction for their aspiration through the men to the Creator. That’s the best way.

Then women will begin to see how the men are changing and are becoming more serious. You have to treat them both as those who are leading and as those who are being led. Just like our kids: On the one hand, they are younger than us, but they draw us forward. It is the same here. The women’s group grows to the extent of its assistance to the men, and through the men, they receive the Light, or to be more accurate, they receive the Light in the connection between the two groups. All the work is generally done internally.
[86360]
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/18/12, Lesson 4

Related Material:
Women Are The Key To Success
The Role Of Women’s Groups
The Influence Of The Women’s Group On The Men’s Group

Filed under: Conventions, Group Work, Inner Work, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

I’ve heard from the women that they deliberate about: “How we can put pressure on the men.” And I think that the women should not push, but help, not with words, but with their desire, even with menacing silence.

In general, a strong women’s group is the key to success. It stabilizes the men’s group. Like a wife and a home stabilize a man, and he will not run away, knowing how he has to go through life. It is a good “weight” on his feet: It is useful, it is required, it is necessary.

This addition is very effective in all cases. We have no idea how much a Kabbalist needs it. That is why I advise single men to quickly resolve this issue. It does not disturb women if they are not married, although if it is possible…but for men, it is a duty.

I say this in all seriousness. It is desirable; it is very desirable for those who want to advance to start a family. This stabilizes a man; this helps him. Yes, he gets an extra load, but this load is necessary. It is one of those burdens that you take upon yourself to move forward due to them. So, take this seriously.

Now, here are a few words about the interaction between the men and women’s groups. The women’s group helps; the women’s group performs the same actions along with the men. It can participate in almost all the events in such a way so as not to interfere with the men and not disturb them. So, it is better not to mix in the same room and coming together in circles; we are not interested what is going on behind our backs.

Women’s groups should be feminine. In the women’s group, besides the usual questions, specific questions should be raised: “How can we help our men so that they feel more responsibility in connection with each other?”

I remember my wife’s words; she told me about it, and I was amazed: Where did she get it from! I did not have this idea at the moment. I told her about the current problems, and she said: “You have to connect with each other with a new strength.” I had not come to this decision, and then I heard a voice from above. This comes from the Creator precisely through the women’s part, and therefore, it is really worth listening to women.

It is important to build a relationship with the world and the correct communication between men’s and women’s parts in each group: the family, the women’s group, the men’s group, and humanity.
[86364]
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/18/12, Lesson 4

Related Material:
The Role Of Women’s Groups
The Mother’s Capital
Deleting The Differences In Spiritual Work

Filed under: Conventions, Group Work, Women - No Comments →

Question: Lately you have been directing the men not only to work in the group, but also to work with their wives. Is there a difference from the spiritual viewpoint between a man’s work with a man, a man with a woman, the male part with the female part, or my work with the external world?

Answer: In the meantime yes. All of them are on different levels and I exist in different relationships with them. Nevertheless, we begin from the corporeal, mutual relationships. We are still not disconnected from each other so that I would see only the soul in you. You are a woman. You constitute a part of some group. You have a name of your own, your problems, and your activities. This means that one has to take into account, all that surrounds you. It is also the same thing with the friends.

We exist in a certain framework; we can’t hover in the clouds and detach ourselves from the external sheath. Thus it imposes on us certain commitments. This outer sheath speaks about our special and exact things: man and woman. This is a very strict division in nature according to all the natural functions and we must take this into consideration.

Question: This is about the corporeal world. But from the viewpoint of spirituality, there is only reception and bestowal. Is there a difference in the relation to reception and bestowal? With whom do I participate in a mutual way: with a man, with a woman, or with the external world?

Answer: It depends on what level you are on. If you are already above the level of Hafetz Hesed, that is, bestowal for the sake of bestowal, above the attribute of Bina, then there’s no difference. And until that level, there is a difference.
[86270]
From the Kharkov Convention “Uniting to Ascend” 8/18/12, Lesson 4

Related Material:
How Do You Explain To A Woman That Her Husband Is Saving The World?
The Unity Of The World Lies In Harmony Between Men And Women
Learning From Nature

Filed under: Conventions, Family, Group Work, Q&A, Unity, Women - No Comments →

Question: You say that in the current extraordinary circumstances, we need help from the women. What kind of force is this, which we will not be able to manage without?

Answer: Someone once said that behind every successful man stands a woman. Apparently, the greater his success so, to put it mildly, is the more serious her approach.

So, I would like to ask all our women, those whose husbands study with us and the single ones, at every opportunity, show the men that women expect unity and correction from them. Let them see that a great anxiety about the existing threats lives in every woman, so that we rise above the current state and correct it.

Every woman needs to show this. And in the family, of course, the maximum effect is achieved when the husband feels that his wife is expecting real spiritual actions from him.

It is important that every woman applies efforts. After all, women have a special talent that allows, even without words, at the level of feeling, awakening men to bring in a desire and send them in the right direction. This is not just a woman’s, but a mother’s property.

A man, not being able to give birth, remains somewhat of a “child” and thus has the opposite tendency—to obey. So, we, men, really need female support.

Question: By nature, a woman feels a characteristic need. What should it be aimed at today?

Answer: The world is in crisis, and this crisis has arisen for us to correct it through unity. First, we unite in groups, then in the people of Israel, on the “territory,” from which comes the Light that Reforms, and then in the whole world. We should take care that correction is spread in this order. A wife requires this from her husband, and, in general, every woman from every man, gently but persistently. They know how to do this…
[85327]
From the 4^th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 8/12/12, Writings of Baal HaSulam

Related Material:
Behind Every Successful Man There Is A Woman
The Power Of Women And Men: A Condition For Spiritual Ascent
Wake Up The Men!

Filed under: Crisis, Daily Kabbalah Lesson, Group Work, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: Should the integral family courses be taught differently to men and women? After all, these are two different forces.

Answer: Here, there is no distinction. For the first time we are coming to equality in the world, when all are equal. In the system of integral upbringing, everyone studies on equal terms: a child, an adult, an elderly person, a husband and a wife, a man or a woman, married or single. The most important thing is to have someone opposite you with whom you can work.

In a family we have such a partner naturally, and thus we have to start this education from the family. It would be good if every family started feeling a great need for this. The problem is to convince people who aren’t capable of it, who don’t want it, aren’t interested, and who think that through this, someone invades their territory or interferes with their private relationships.

Therefore it is necessary to explain from the very beginning that this method doesn’t imply airing their “dirty laundry.” We don’t touch this at all and don’t try to find out what’s happening between them in their family. We don’t persuade them to make concessions to each other, don’t ask about the past, and in general, don’t consider anything that happened until this moment. We teach them how to rise above everything from this point onward and how to never go poking around in that dirty laundry again.

Question: This is interesting because in other, conventional psychological courses, I was told many times that it’s necessary to talk about our problems and to let off steam. And indeed, this brings relief and takes a load off one’s heart.

Answer: But this is only a temporary relief, for some time, like reconciliation after tears. We really don’t need to rummage through our crimes against each other. After all, it is written that “love covers all sins,” and the greater these sins, the higher and greater will the love be when we rise above them. It turns out that these sins are actually helping me build love. And if they aren’t there, love won’t be strong either.

Thus, the sins need to remain. But it doesn’t mean that I must constantly remember about them—they will reveal themselves on their own, don’t you worry about that. However, I don’t stifle them, don’t release tension, but accept everything as is. I have a full wagon laden with my partner’s transgressions, but I cover this entire mountain with my love and come closer to him or her. And then my love becomes enormous, growing above all this heavy load.
[84372]
From a TV Program “A New Life” 7/11/12

Related Material:
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Show Me All Truth
Love That Covers All Transgressions
A Family Is Support And A Model

Filed under: Education, Family, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Women - 1 Comment →

Question: The integral education courses for couples give me hope that by going through this process and building a new man within me, I will correct not only the relationships within my family, but also all the connections in the system and achieve success in every way. After all, the system of family ties will become the school through which I will be developing. Are there any differences in how this process takes place in a man and a woman?

Answer: It turns out that we should keep the family together because through it we can achieve success in life. We not only correct the relations within the family, but also obtain an additional benefit, as if this whole process has a higher purpose.

It’s not the problem of a married couple, but the global problem of corrupted connection between all of us, and we’ll have to solve it in some way. The relationships in the family may become the laboratory within which we can learn how to improve our relations with the world to succeed in everything.

There are some differences between how this process takes place in a man or a woman, but they are so internal that we can’t understand them now, everyone from his or her side, looking at the other. If we begin to delve into the psychology of the other and try to figure out what is going on inside another person, it will only confuse us. We don’t know what is really happening there.

We just need to acquire the correct approach that will allow us to build relationships with each other according to the principle: “Love covers all transgressions.” And this doesn’t mean that we want to hide the wrongdoings committed in relation to each other: our hatred, pride, ambition, carelessness, and disregard. We don’t hide anything.

But if I want to change something and build, I shouldn’t sink into mutual fights and blame of how much each of us is an egoist, meaning how bad he is and doesn’t notice his evil, but sees it in his partner. In fact, he doesn’t see another’s vices, but rather his own egoism, transferring it to his partner and recognizing his reflection in it.

Instead of distinguishing faults in myself, I see them in my spouse as if in a mirror. I don’t notice this in myself. It turns out that we need to develop a good, positive attitude, love, flexibility, attention, and a mature elevated approach in relation to the other. We need to agree in advance that it will be above all that we see with our egoistic eyesight.

“Love will cover all transgressions,” that is, I cover all the evils that I see with it. As a result of mutual exercises and workshops, I start to develop new good qualities in myself that before were dormant within me: sensitivity, agreement, consent, and ability to compromise.
[84054]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 7/18/12

Related Material:
Overview Of The Integral Education Course: Family Relationships
The Family As the Center Of the Universe
A Family Is Support and A Model

Filed under: Education, Family, Integral Upbringing, Q&A, Women - No Comments →

Question: It turns out that the majority of people who are seriously studying human psychology are women. However, we talked about the fact that the leaders in integral circles should preferably be men.

Answer: The human community, the whole of civilization, and all nature in general are built on the fact that man prevails everywhere. In all actions he appears to be the stimulant, although the internal urge, as we know, comes from women. But a man announces it and realizes it, so to speak, although everything is also realized mainly through a woman.

So, I don’t think that we’ll arrive at a state where a large amount of women will be the lecturers or supervisors of the integral unity technique. I don’t see that in any, even in the most advanced, civilizations. Still, in this respect, a woman does have her limited potential. She acts in the widening, while man acts in growth—and these differences can’t be crossed out and there is no need to level them. On the contrary, it simply needs to be used.
[83970]
From a “Talk on Integral Upbringing” 5/31/12

Related Material:
Removing Spicy Distractions
A Special Approach To Forming The Groups
The Return To Nature

Filed under: Education, Integral Upbringing, Women - No Comments →