Question: It often happens in the family that the wife has many more complaints against her husband than he has against her…

Answer: That’s the way it always is since it is typical of the female nature to feel unsatisfied. A couple shouldn’t look for balance here. What is natural shouldn’t be condemned nor praised.

Of course a woman feels greater dissatisfaction. 90% of the complaints come from her, while the man usually is limited to one simple phrase: “Just leave me alone.”

This is the way we are, and with these attributes we need to complement one another. From this it becomes clear that the man and the woman have different roles.

What part should the man provide? Since the woman is ready to do everything for him, to keep the connection and to provide everything that he needs, all she wants is his attention. This is what the female nature is all about. Accordingly the man is required to constantly show an honest, natural attitude that is warm and concerned. It is hard work for a man while it is quite easy for a woman. When a man pays attention to a woman she has “fuel” for any effort.

Therefore, a man should express kindness, and that is difficult for him, and a woman must alter many things, which is easy for her if she feels the right attitude from him.

These are the results of the spiritual roots and there is nothing we can do about it…
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From a “Talk About a New Life” 7/16/12

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We experience life in family relations in our connection with each other. We are not talking about external things here, not about me and my spouse, but about the way that we connect the images of our spouses that exist in each of us with the images of us that our partners have. These reciprocal images unite to the extent that they eventually become one whole. We are changing all the time, so we should continue working on these images of each other and developing them and their relationship.

Currently, we already subconsciously link with each other this way. Let’s say, when you are talking with your boss, you create his image inside you, then, based on this image, you choose what to say to him. Only in a family, we want to be conscious of this connection to be able to manage it and make it good.

In fact, we are already acting this way. Similar adapters work in nature, technologies, and biology. Without them, it would be impossible to maintain liaisons between us. Even if we are connected in a wrong way, our bonds still bear the same form.

In other words, I have to create an image of my spouse inside me; reciprocally, my spouse has to help me by creating my image inside her. And this is a whole process because none of us knows or understands oneself well enough and does not understand our partners. We have to gradually talk over and clarify all potential questions that exist among us.

Women usually complain that their husbands do not talk with them, do not pay attention to them, and do not show much interest in them in general. All of their complaints can be immediately satisfied. Women’s complaints are true and correct since they correspond to spiritual needs that exist in the part of the female, Nukva to the male part.

Our partner’s images are comprised of their desires and aspirations, of their habits, perceptions, views, and attitudes. We have to behave as actors who play certain roles and for this duty we enter the internal image of the character we play. Your physical body remains the same, but your whole inner world of thoughts, desires, and habits dress up in a new way. This is what we should strive for.

And when you build yourself this way, you will understand the internal world of your partner. You will look at the world as if through his or her eyes and perceive through his or her habits and his or her natural qualities. You will begin to see the world through them and then you will better understand what she/he expects from you and clearly see what kind of connection with them that you are capable of. In other words, we will conduct a deep survey of the system that opposes us instead of gliding on its surface; we will perceive it internally by dressing in it. We will build a buffer, an adapter, between our spouses and us. Wives will do the same in regard to their husbands. Usually, women handle it with much more ease then men since men are built more primitively than women; so women understand men better, rather than the other way around. Wives know their husbands much better since women are granted the ability to see their men in the correct way by nature.
[91971]
From a “Talk about a New Life” 7/16/12

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Question: When I am sitting in a circle with other women, are they my group? Should I attach my thoughts to the men’s part during a women’s workshop?

Answer: Why do you have to think about the men? It does not matter whether it is a man or woman in front of you. They are the friends with whom you are communicating now.

And if we could cross out the gender and not see this division? In front of me it is just a desire, and this desire transmits its thoughts to me. Then, there would be no problem at all. What kind of women and men are you talking about? It is only the lowest physiology and nothing more.

I do not believe that women can understand spiritual matters less than men can. If they really want to raise themselves, they can do this, but they have another problem: For some reason, they think that they are not capable. This pushes them down.

If it were possible to cancel their appearance so that it does not interfere, I think that there would be many equal partners among women. I know these women.
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From “A Virtual Lesson on Fundamentals of Kabbalah “9/23/12

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Question: How can we organize the right kind of interaction within a family unit so that the family would not literally become a woman’s prison?

Answer: A woman does not feel the need to leave her house for weeks when she feels like she is in a good, proper environment.  When, besides having articles, materials, lessons, lectures, theater, and other programs already adapted to the new society, she knows that her children go to a normal educational institution and return home unhurt with no signs of violence on their bodies; when she knows that her husband works and also studies in a virtual group; when she can be present virtually at his studies and even show it to the children; when at the same time she communicates with other women regarding all the integral matters; when children also receive integral education and upbringing according to their level in school, in that case, the woman absorbs everything through this, then this is enough for her.

It also is necessary to organize picnics, outings into nature, and have meals together. However, even at these meals, men and women sit separately, but there, women have an opportunity to communicate, to feel like they belong to a large society. In other words, this way, we need to give women an opportunity to be part of the things that men do.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: When we began to work with the text in the group of the integral education, we began to see a great gap between the perceptions and the feelings of the men and those of the women. It was as if the women were disconnected from the process while the men took an active part in the debate. How should we organize this process correctly?

Answer: It is a very natural process. The point is that women have a totally different technique to connect among them. They can unite in order to support the men generally, but it is support and not incorporation. This means their ego and working on it is totally different from the men’s group. The men’s work on the ego is direct, and I would say naïve and childish in a way.

For the women it is much more difficult; it is as if it is folded internally several times. Their egoistic accounts are much more complicated than the men’s. It is very hard for them to incorporate among them. There are always the personal motives left—this is a woman’s nature. It is by no means worse or better than the men’s, since we are talking about nature and there is nothing good or bad about it. It is simply nature and it is different in women.

I can’t imagine how an unprepared group of men and women can start working on the general overcoming of the interpersonal egoistic urges in order to connect mutually in one desire.

Coming from the field of human nature I can say that if we prepare a separate group of men, we will give the women a chance to watch them and on that basis we will be able to work with the women. Then we will see how they are shaped as a helpmate to the men’s group, surrounding it.

The female attitude to men will be expressed as an attitude to children who need help and who have to be pushed, surrounded and taken care of so that they will do their job. Just as a mother helps her son by showing him everything and he grows and becomes a man—it is the same here.

So women are not included in the men’s group, but make a positive background thanks to which the men have a strong mental support, without which they cannot work.

At the same time, the men’s group needs to feel that they are responsible for humanity, or for the family, or for the society in which the two sexes exist, not to mention other classifications in society.

The men’s group studies, and the women’s group helps the men’s group by supporting them and understanding their goals. They understand, but they cannot be totally emotionally incorporated in it.

Women cannot be incorporated among them like men. Their nature doesn’t allow them to do so. They have a totally different role.

So there must be two groups so that they will understand one another, cooperate, and help each other so that each group will feel the great role without which the other group cannot do anything. They are opposite in their attributes but connected to the goal. That is, the goal is achieved together.

Imagine the goal as a birth of a child for which there have to be two: a man and a woman, which together, exactly in the cooperation, in the connection, in the mutual bestowal and mutual love, give birth to this new attribute, to the new level. Thus the male part and the female pat in the group have to cooperate.

When you separate the men and the women you get rid of many problems, since in a mixed group there are always different attractions between people that spoil the general background.

Suddenly there are hormonal, sexual attractions and people think that they have found one another. Women feel that they have finally found a man who understands them, while everyone else, including their husbands don’t understand them. This means that there are such fantasies that have nothing to do with real life, since we ascend above life and build our unity above it.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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It is said in the Bible that a woman was created from a man’s rib. The original Hebrew word for “rib” means both rib and shadow.

That is, a woman is created as a reflection of a man, and, for this reason, she must help him and give approval and advice accordingly. As it also is written, “Listen to the woman.”

A woman must be a mother, a housewife, a woman in charge. She must feel that the household is her domain, and the husband is in charge of everything that’s outside the household.

A man should obey his wife fully in matters pertaining to their common household, and she should obey him when it comes to resolving all other matters. This is the way they should support one another so that their partnership would correspond to the Biblical verse that says that she exists as the husband’s shadow.

If there is no shadow, then there is no sun. It’s an allegory that can be developed interestingly from a psychological standpoint. When a man and a woman coexist this way, the sun shines upon them and they develop.
[88574]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/5/12

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Question: There was a mythological time when human communities were organized close to nature, which means that they were divided into communities of men and communities of women and lived together in harmony. According to literature, there was a joyful atmosphere and many jokes in the women’s community when the women gathered and laughed about things that had to do with the men. Can we use this concept in integral education?

Answer: We can use everything, whatever you want. We shouldn’t suppress any movement in any way. The only thing we should deal with is to raise our connection, the image of the upper One, to a collective movement, to a common feeling, to a general collective attribute of bestowal, to love.

All the rest will be sorted out by itself, and whatever is unnecessary will be deleted, and what is necessary will be intensified and rise. So, there is no need to pay attention to anything except for our spiritual ascent when our collective spirit, the connection, is constantly at the center of our attention.
[88487]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: According to statistics, 90% of women convey all their secrets to their female friends, and 90% of men convey all their secrets to their wives. Women have the need to share their innermost feelings with a close friend. Is this right? Or does this situation need to be changed?

Answer: We don’t work with these kinds of problems or consider it necessary to involve ourselves in these areas of human communication and psychology because they don’t directly and strictly relate to the integration of society. People communicate with others in whatever way is comfortable for them. At the same time we never impose anything on them because communication on a natural, animal level doesn’t interest us.

What interests us is how much we are able to raise a person above himself towards the integration with others. We need to cultivate the feeling that they begin to experience in a group, the integral feeling that happens mainly between men, and this is what we need to pay attention to. All other questions concerning who shares with whom and what they share in their everyday lives doesn’t interest us.

Naturally men consult with their wives. As a rule a husband has an inner need to share with his wife and receive her approval. He has this need his entire life starting with his mother.

Women don’t have this state. When she is young she has a mother, and later only a female friend who is able to understand or somehow support her; she needs a shoulder to cry on because her husband doesn’t fully understand her.
[88491]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: Let us say that there are forty to fifty people in a group of integral learning. Where should the women be during the studies?

Answer: Figuratively speaking, women need to take men by the hand, bring them to their place, and sit them down. At the same time, they also can participate in this group, but purely externally. Men should not feel or see them.

Women must not be in the way of the men. It is best for them to observe the men though a video camera from another room.

Men sit in a circle. They can hug, be close to one another, and perceive their unity, their proximity, in different ways through whatever words they wish to use. They can cry and admire.

Women, practically, cannot have this kind of state between them, of course, except for certain eccentric individuals who also exist. This is why they need to sit in a separate auditorium, not in a circle, but in rows, in whatever way they wish to arrange their chairs or just randomly scattered around, and have a screen where they can see the men’s group.

This is exactly how they learn. They listen to the same article, feel and understand what the men are doing between them, and they do their inner preparation. Basically, they do not need more than this.

They understand the importance of the objective the men have undertaken and which only they can realize. At the same time, the women change and shape themselves, and this is absolutely enough. In other words, the men carry the importance and the realization of the goals with the absolute support of the women in the background.

Question: In other words, do women not need to take part in the discussion of what they see?

Answer: No, men absolutely do not need it! Women only need to express their support, admiration, and participation. Maybe, they can do some things to help.

Men must feel that they are supported constantly and passionately, that women seriously participate and, at the same time, are very demanding and attentive, like a mother. They demand a result from what is happening. As soon as the men attain any result, women need to show them their admiration and their approval without which they cannot advance.

Question: When women gather in a separate place, can they somehow communicate, talk, and discuss things?

Answer: Of course. First of all, they need to help themselves. Bring cakes, fruit, and sweets. They need to create a nice environment for everyone, but never impose mutual internal work on one another! It must be voluntary.

Naturally, they will feel close in spirit, a sort of a women’s union, but not more than that. Everything is done only around the men.
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From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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Question: As a psychologist, I had an opportunity to communicate with a number of women who have participated in the integral experiment in a direct or an indirect manner. Some of them complained that they spend the majority of their time alone: The husband is busy all day; the children are small and she needs to be fully involved in what they are doing; she has no time to communicate with her girlfriends. They do not understand how to organize their lives. What should they do?

Answer: I think that women will not feel alienated from others if we give them the right kind of preparation, teach them to use a computer, and constantly broadcast, over television or computer, programs of virtual communication, combining education and upbringing, all the news of the society that is being newly created. In addition, women need to connect through Skype or other programs that allow them to interact, see each other, and communicate. They need to have a mutual virtual table.

We understand that women are busy at work and at home, and even when a woman does not work in any society, she has much more work at home than men. The woman is the home. No matter how much we separate from our original nature, this is still her purpose. Maybe these things are unpleasant to hear, but this is part of the foundation of nature, so we need to consider it.

If among all the current obligations of a woman, we will give her an opportunity to participate in the common movement, she will feel like she is a part of a big society, a big movement, and this will be enough. She will maintain it. She will justify her husband’s activities. This is enough for her to properly participate in the community.
[88435]
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12

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