Question: When we began to work with the text in the group of the integral education, we began to see a great gap between the perceptions and the feelings of the men and those of the women. It was as if the women were disconnected from the process while the men took an active part in the debate. How should we organize this process correctly?
Answer: It is a very natural process. The point is that women have a totally different technique to connect among them. They can unite in order to support the men generally, but it is support and not incorporation. This means their ego and working on it is totally different from the men’s group. The men’s work on the ego is direct, and I would say naïve and childish in a way.
For the women it is much more difficult; it is as if it is folded internally several times. Their egoistic accounts are much more complicated than the men’s. It is very hard for them to incorporate among them. There are always the personal motives left—this is a woman’s nature. It is by no means worse or better than the men’s, since we are talking about nature and there is nothing good or bad about it. It is simply nature and it is different in women.
I can’t imagine how an unprepared group of men and women can start working on the general overcoming of the interpersonal egoistic urges in order to connect mutually in one desire.
Coming from the field of human nature I can say that if we prepare a separate group of men, we will give the women a chance to watch them and on that basis we will be able to work with the women. Then we will see how they are shaped as a helpmate to the men’s group, surrounding it.
The female attitude to men will be expressed as an attitude to children who need help and who have to be pushed, surrounded and taken care of so that they will do their job. Just as a mother helps her son by showing him everything and he grows and becomes a man—it is the same here.
So women are not included in the men’s group, but make a positive background thanks to which the men have a strong mental support, without which they cannot work.
At the same time, the men’s group needs to feel that they are responsible for humanity, or for the family, or for the society in which the two sexes exist, not to mention other classifications in society.
The men’s group studies, and the women’s group helps the men’s group by supporting them and understanding their goals. They understand, but they cannot be totally emotionally incorporated in it.
Women cannot be incorporated among them like men. Their nature doesn’t allow them to do so. They have a totally different role.
So there must be two groups so that they will understand one another, cooperate, and help each other so that each group will feel the great role without which the other group cannot do anything. They are opposite in their attributes but connected to the goal. That is, the goal is achieved together.
Imagine the goal as a birth of a child for which there have to be two: a man and a woman, which together, exactly in the cooperation, in the connection, in the mutual bestowal and mutual love, give birth to this new attribute, to the new level. Thus the male part and the female pat in the group have to cooperate.
When you separate the men and the women you get rid of many problems, since in a mixed group there are always different attractions between people that spoil the general background.
Suddenly there are hormonal, sexual attractions and people think that they have found one another. Women feel that they have finally found a man who understands them, while everyone else, including their husbands don’t understand them. This means that there are such fantasies that have nothing to do with real life, since we ascend above life and build our unity above it.
From a Talk on Integral Upbringing 3/4/12