Answer: Here, there is no distinction. For the first time we are coming to equality in the world, when all are equal. In the system of integral upbringing, everyone studies on equal terms: a child, an adult, an elderly person, a husband and a wife, a man or a woman, married or single. The most important thing is to have someone opposite you with whom you can work.
In a family we have such a partner naturally, and thus we have to start this education from the family. It would be good if every family started feeling a great need for this. The problem is to convince people who aren’t capable of it, who don’t want it, aren’t interested, and who think that through this, someone invades their territory or interferes with their private relationships.
Therefore it is necessary to explain from the very beginning that this method doesn’t imply airing their “dirty laundry.” We don’t touch this at all and don’t try to find out what’s happening between them in their family. We don’t persuade them to make concessions to each other, don’t ask about the past, and in general, don’t consider anything that happened until this moment. We teach them how to rise above everything from this point onward and how to never go poking around in that dirty laundry again.
Question: This is interesting because in other, conventional psychological courses, I was told many times that it’s necessary to talk about our problems and to let off steam. And indeed, this brings relief and takes a load off one’s heart.
Answer: But this is only a temporary relief, for some time, like reconciliation after tears. We really don’t need to rummage through our crimes against each other. After all, it is written that “love covers all sins,” and the greater these sins, the higher and greater will the love be when we rise above them. It turns out that these sins are actually helping me build love. And if they aren’t there, love won’t be strong either.
Thus, the sins need to remain. But it doesn’t mean that I must constantly remember about them—they will reveal themselves on their own, don’t you worry about that. However, I don’t stifle them, don’t release tension, but accept everything as is. I have a full wagon laden with my partner’s transgressions, but I cover this entire mountain with my love and come closer to him or her. And then my love becomes enormous, growing above all this heavy load.
From a TV Program “A New Life” 7/11/12