Comment: You said that when you traveled with RABASH to Tiberias, there were moments when you did not understand anything and hated yourself.

My Response: Yes, of course there are such states.

During the long evenings in Tiberias, I would sit on the open terrace, smoke a pack of cigarettes, think, and not know what to do. I could not imagine any possibility of taking even a small step: “How could I? Look who I am with! The only great Kabbalist in the world! And I am beside him, alone, right now! What can I ask, what can I talk about, what can I absorb from him?”

But after such hours of questioning, searching, and self-torment, a true question, a true desire began to awaken. All of this is necessary preparation for each of us and for the whole group.

Question: What was the main topic of your conversations with Rabash? What did you talk about with him? You could not have spoken only about Partzufim and Sefirot all the time.

Answer: We talked about that too. I asked many questions about the general development of the system of creation, which greatly interested me.

I wanted to form a clear inner structure for myself, even if not developed in minute detail, because there are so many details and not enough inner energy for all of it. Frankly speaking, detailed research did not interest me much because it is meaningful only when you feel it with your senses.

But overall, the very structure of the universe seemed incredibly enticing to me: the beginning of creation, the end of creation, the entire sequential cause-and-effect, purposeful, inevitable, step-by-step process, the forces acting at each stage, the necessity of every action, and so on.

That is, nature itself, its unified, natural law passing through from the upper worlds, through our world, and back to the upper worlds—how could that not be interesting?

Back then, I discovered this system for myself as if molding it within me. It helped me, first, to understand many Kabbalistic texts, and second, everything else that I later revealed.

The attainment of reality, the forces operating at our level between it and the upper world, the interaction of man with nature, the development of languages, the development of history—all of this gradually assembled itself for me into a single picture.

It is precisely with this picture, based on the spiritual model of the worlds’ development, that I went through my entire life. I formed it within myself by the age of thirty-five and afterward continually added new data to it from what I read, heard, and researched.

I always wanted to see the synthesis of all ideas, qualities, and manifestations. The picture of nature is one, unified, whole, eternal, perfect harmony: on one hand constant and unchanging and on the other, evolving before our eyes depending on the level of perception, on the worlds, on the degrees.

It is such a stunning, multilayered, multifaceted, multistage tapestry across many dimensions that gives a person a feeling of eternity, perfection, and attainment, and it fills him! That is just how I am built.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Next to Rabash” 8/14/10

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Question: How can we learn to correctly absorb our friends’ yearning for spirituality?

Answer: Try to unite with them so that their questions become your own and their desires and aspirations become yours. It is like a mother who absorbs her child’s desires until they become the central focus of her life, she lives for him.

Question: In principle, this kind of absorption happens even on a corporeal level when we get together for our meetings. When someone shares something with others, it is as if he is answering himself. Does it work on the level of thought where a person processes his ideas through someone else?

Answer: Of course, absolutely. That happens when a person starts to explain things to others or even just writes them down for himself without integrating with someone else.

Question: Is this why you claim that we need to internalize all the articles of your teacher Rabash?

Answer: That is something completely different. When you internalize the articles of Rabash, you connect with the author, that is, with a level that is far above your own.

Question: What happens when people read and discuss these articles together?

Answer: By studying the articles together, people also invest in each other. This creates a tremendous opportunity, a broad shared vessel in which they can grasp what Rabash was actually saying. After all, their small individual minds combine and are amplified many times over.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Rabash’s articles” 8/17/10

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Comment: When there are completely different kinds of people in a group, some may repeat slogans, which is unacceptable to others.

My Response: We must forgive people. What can you do? We all started our lives by soiling diapers. It is the same here. People come; what do they understand, what do they know? Everyone is puffing up, wanting to express something of their own, and put themselves in a certain position. These are natural impulses of a small person. I too had them, and so did each of us.

I remember so well how totally hollow I used to be, all the bragging: why, how, for what? After all, I was not young anymore, over thirty, and not stupid, I was a scientist. And still. I remember how the egoism rocked me, I went through stages of self-aggrandizement, bragging, domineering, jealousy, whatever. Every person goes through all this.

Comment: I think it is great to be aware of it, not to stay in this, but to go through everything.

My Response: You are talking about realizing this, being able to correct it, and supposedly staying above it. That is, how good it is to realize that you are now putting pressure on egoism, how good you are, how strong you are, etc…! But this is an even higher form of egoism.

Question: What is above that?

Answer: There is more above it.

Comment: But still it is better than living in it.

My Response: Yes, undoubtedly, all this is much better, more purposeful, closer to the Creator, despite all the tricks egoism plays on us. Of course, this is better, because a person sees the work of the Creator on oneself. What did the Creator create? What evil, with what sophistication in me, such qualities!

Comment: The worst thing is when you want to change something and cannot do anything.

My Response: This is not terrible; it is wonderful when you are unable to do anything and feel completely empty, discouraged, powerless, and misunderstood—just out of it.

This is when you begin to think the Creator did this on purpose so you would turn to Him. But you do not have this need until you reach this point of despair. Only then will it arise in you: you need to turn everything only to Him; this is the only option, the only salvation.

Then you turn to Him. If your appeal comes from a totally disillusioned, desolate state, without a future, without anything, then the Creator helps you because you already have a complete request, a ripened desire.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. When There is no Desire” 8/12/10

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“One who eats that which is not his is afraid to look at his face.” This means that anyone who feeds on the labor of others is afraid (ashamed) to look at his own form, for his form is inhuman (Baal HaSulam, “The Love of God and the Love of Man”).

Within us lies the attribute of shame; it is profound and piercing. We are desperately afraid to expose it because shame nullifies our self, turns us into nothing.

If I experience shame rising to its full height, I annul myself as a result. This stems from the highest root: from my opposition to the Creator, from the desire to receive that stands in contrast to the light.
When feeling how opposite it is to the light in qualities and height, the desire experiences this gap as shame.

Then it is ready to annul itself, to cease to exist, just to no longer feel this chasm. This is what compels it to perform a restriction, i.e., to nullify itself. To get rid of the shame, I am willing to return to non-existence, to the nothingness from which I came.

Sometimes a tiny speck of this spiritual feeling awakens within us.

So why is shame necessary? It helps us attain adhesion, complete resemblance to the Creator. Shame arises from the oppositeness revealed between us and Him and helps bridge that gap.

This means that if I want to progress, I must constantly intensify the feeling of shame, that is, the gap between me and the Creator, so that I can move forward without error.

Let’s say that today I am ashamed as if I stole one dollar from Him. Tomorrow, it will be two dollars, the day after, three. By isolating and emphasizing my opposition, I correct it and advance.

Thus, shame is the sharpest sensation that literally “short-circuits” me to the Creator. If I truly correct the shame through bestowal and constantly rise above it, I reach adhesion. That is why our final state is defined precisely as adhesion.

Shame is a separate creation. Two desires alone—receiving and bestowing—are not enough because then direct fulfillment would suffice: one gives, the other receives, no problem.

But the Creator desires that the created being resemble Him. Therefore, He embedded within it this unique feeling called shame, which constantly prods and agitates us.

When you throw a bone to a dog, it happily gnaws at it with no shame. But a human being, unless reduced to a bestial state, is constantly driven by shame.

What makes you live in that particular house, wear those clothes, go to work, start a family, enjoy “cultured entertainment,” and so on? Shame. Otherwise, what will people say?

There is shame that hinders my advancement: “What will others think?”

And there is another kind, shame before the Creator.

If I strengthen it, the embarrassment before others fades into the background: “Let them talk, let them think what they want.”

I am ready to feel childish awkwardness before others if only it helps me feel true shame before the Creator and aim in the right direction.

Shame is the point of my I, its indicator.

In relationships with others, my ego can be harmed. But in relation to the Creator, it is about the deep, primordial opposition of attributes.

Shame is created separately. It does not exist in the inanimate, vegetative, or animate levels. It belongs solely to the human species and differentiates within it according to levels of desire.

Shame is the reason for the first restriction, the cause of all development. In the world of infinity, Malchut was filled with light and in adhesion with the Creator. But it lacked just one thing—to rid itself of the opposition to Him.

That is the point of shame.

You would think, what does it matter? Before you is a table filled with royal delicacies, and the Host gives you His entire palace, all His treasures: “All that I have is yours. What more do you need? Don’t you want to be a guest in My house? Fine, I am no longer the host.”

Yet, the guest remains unsatisfied: “It was not I who prepared all this, it was You. I came to everything ready-made.”

“So you want to become like Me—existence from existence itself?”

Here we touch upon a very subtle point, so lofty that it is unclear where it leads, somewhere beyond the tenth millennium, after the final correction.
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From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 10/31/11, Writings of Baal HaSulam “The Love of God and the Love of Man”

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Question: You say that if a person has the strength for something, then it is a Klipa, meaning something impure?

Answer: If a person has a desire to do something before reaching spirituality, then that desire is egoistic.

Question: But how can one act without a desire? Let’s say, something needs to be done.

Answer: You cannot do anything without a desire, no one can. For that, you must be in a group that gives you inspiration and ask for strength from above. You personally do not have anti-egoistic or altruistic desires. Therefore, all your desires can only be egoistic. That is, if you have the energy to do something, it means your egoism is giving it to you.

Question: When I do something related to my profession, I cannot perform it without a desire, right?

Answer: Of course not. But know that your desire is egoistic. You want to assert yourself, gain recognition, prove to yourself what you are capable of, and so on.

Question: But still, there is some inner impulse that makes you do certain things?

Answer: Of course. It is the desire for power, fame, need for self-assertion: “I am capable, I can, I will prove it to everyone, and to myself as well.”

Question: I mean, one can find other directions too. Why is there such a need to pass on specifically Kabbalistic knowledge? For example, if I have discovered for myself that the world is built this way, why do I want to tell everyone about it?

Answer: Because it is important to you, and you want it to be important to others. Simple human egoism is the desire to impose something on another.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Creativity in Kabbalah” 8/18/10

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Comment: You, as a Kabbalist on high spiritual levels, constantly go against your own desire and come to the lessons most likely in a difficult state, not with the same joy as the newcomers.

My Response: So what? That is my duty. Of course, it is hard for me, but I feel the highest obligation. There is not even a question about it.

How can I not come to the lesson when it is a means of dissemination, of conducting the Creator’s line in this world?! I have been authorized to do it.

I am simply fulfilling a mission from above, and I am grateful for the opportunity to carry it out. And every day it is a miracle that I manage to give a three-hour lesson, explain, write a blog, answer questions, and appear on some television program.

I see this as a gift, a great favor that the Creator has done for me. What difference does it make whether it is hard or not? It is so important, so necessary! At least that is how I see it. That is what gives me strength.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. When There Is No Desire” 8/12/10

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Question: Is it good or bad when a person pushes himself to study without desire?

Answer: It is good. It means the goal is higher than his own small, egoistic desire. That is good; he is making an effort. And if he studies without putting in effort, then where is his personal exertion? Even worse is when he does it with desire.

The best state is when there is no desire at all and the person is as if dead begs the group to give him some opportunity, some awareness of the importance of the goal. Then, by nullifying himself before his friends, he is ready to pay them, to do anything, just so they would tell him how important the goal is, and this would inspire him to show up to the next morning lesson. That is the best.

Question: So when a student comes to you and says, “What do I do? I cannot do anything. How do I go on?”—is the best state?

Answer: Yes. Then I tell him: “Congratulations! You already have some awareness of your nature. You understand that you do not want anything, that you are just an animal and all you need is a bit of animal fulfillment and nothing more.”

Question: So is being in a lesson with desire just an initial stage when a person has not achieved anything yet?

Answer: What does that give? Nothing yet. The most important thing is the connection with the group, with friends, where they can pass on additional desires to him, and then he can rise higher.

Question: And when a person crosses the Machsom, meaning rises to the first spiritual level, does his lack of desire feel different there?

Answer: When he crosses the Machsom, then there are completely different forces and calculations that influence him.

Question: So it means that all the way to the final correction there is always a kind of struggle against one’s nature?

Answer: Yes, of course. How else can you progress if not by revealing ever more egoism within yourself and rising above it by correcting it?
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. When There Is No Desire” 8/12/10

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Question: How can a group influence a person if he does not annul himself before it?

Answer: It can’t influence a person positively.

Question: Then what is the point a person being in that society?

Answer: There is no point. Maybe over time he will begin to understand that he must bend himself before the environment, and ask for that, and study for that purpose.

Comment: But we are just bundles of egoism. A person cannot make the right calculation anyway. It is a very difficult process. And all the time, you do not know whether you are on the right path or not.

My Response: Just annul yourself before the group. That is all.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Bend Over and Ascend” 8/15/10

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Question: When you were studying with Rabash, you did not know what a group was as such?

Answer: I had a different preparation. Rabash thought that there would be a group, he believed that he should do it. I brought students to him. We can see what kind of articles he wrote.

But the group did not form as a result of these articles. It was I who came out of it. No, the others came out of it too; I am by no means diminishing them. They are all my former friends, and I love and value each one of them because they are also students of my teacher. But the group was not formed from us.

Now each of them works on their own. I do not judge anyone. Each one just does as much as they can and how they can. I am the same, one of them. But still, I was the student closest to Rabash, his assistant. He spent a huge number of hours with me together in study, in everything.

That is why I have developed an internal sense of connection with him, which leads me forward. I feel that he is with me. I have an absolutely sober and clear feeling that in all my endeavors, he stands behind me, and I am fulfilling everything by realizing my teacher in myself.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. You or Group” 8/1/10

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Question: Is it better for a person to go through all the states intensely together with you or separately in a group?

Answer: It is preferable to go through all the states as quickly as possible, that is clear. It is also desirable to go through them while I am still here, that too is obvious. After all, there is support, hope, guidance, advice.

But it is impossible to go through them only with me; it is better to do it in a group. Without the group, it is not possible. Without a teacher, it is possible.

Question: You keep putting the emphasis on the group. But how do you feel that it is specifically the group that is the mechanism a person must integrate into instead of using some other method?

Answer: You see how much I talk about this, and it is still not clear.

There is nothing else besides the system of souls, the connection between souls, the network of souls. This interconnected network of souls is the only global mechanism that the Creator created. We exist within this network, but we do not feel the connection between us.

It is as if we are torn apart in our perception. It is an illusion, but for us it feels completely real. In that illusion, each one of us feels themselves as existing on their own. That illusory feeling manifests within us as “this world.”

But as soon as I begin to restore my connection with others, that is, to restore this network of forces in my perception, it is as though I revive myself and return to consciousness. Then I immediately begin to feel this network or the upper world or the Creator.

When I feel only myself, I feel what is called “this world.” When I feel myself within the network with everyone else, I feel the upper world or the Creator, the unifying force, which is the common quality of this network. That is it. There is nothing else. There is no other space around us. None! Only this network of forces, and we are within it.
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From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. You or the Group” 8/1/10

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