Michael Laitman, On Quora: “How has pandemic affected the education system?“

The pandemic has shown the ugly face of our education systems.

These systems should have educated our children to become independent and responsible in their learning and knowing of how to positively connect among themselves and with their teachers, as well as willful and responsible participation in their studies through various media.

Unfortunately, we instead see quite the contrary: that these systems fail to prepare children to be independent and responsible. That is why, over the course of the pandemic, we have seen multitudes of children disregard the connection among each other and with their teachers, and many relate to what they study as meaningless and useless. Such an approach has contributed to a general crumbling of the systems.

We should treat this educational crisis that the pandemic revealed in order to revise our education systems. Today, we do not need to raise children to simply fill job positions, several of which we will no longer need. Instead, our education systems should adjust their aims to raise children into happy, successful and confident human beings, in the fullest sense of those terms.

To become truly happy, successful and confident, we need to live in a society where we actively participate in constructing positive connections among each other, above our myriad divisive drives. Accordingly, we should encourage children to participate more and more in society, since social participation and contribution are quickly becoming the most important components in building a society of happy, successful and confident individuals.

Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

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Comment: Russian psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky gives five tips to parents for raising a confident child.

First is “Be generous with praise, but praise correctly. Not ‘You’re the best, look how beautiful you are, not like your classmates.’ Your message should be that the child is wonderful because it’s him or her, not because he or she is the best of the best.”

My Response: That’s right. Of course, we should not instill the idea of superiority over others in a child; rather the child should feel that he is worth something on his own, and not that he is better than others. That he should be big, great, confident, kind, and so on.

Question: So you should not compare him with others and not even touch his “I”?

Answer: Yes. Standards should be abstract, not superiority over others.

Comment: I was motivated every time when I was told “Look how cool Sasha is in that class. You can do the same. Come on!” We encourage children this way. What’s wrong with that? I do not understand.

My Response: This turns a person into an egoist. Competitions are good when they make a person better than others for the benefit of others. This type of competition, however, is only for suppressing others.

Question: Do I involuntarily start thinking about suppressing this Sasha?

Answer: Yes. Why should I become better than him? I’d rather belittle him, and that way I won’t have to do anything with myself.

Question: Is this a natural response of egoism?

Answer: Yes. I need to show the child that it is necessary to work on yourself to be better, and do not suppress someone else in order to be above him.

Comment: The second advice is, “If a child committed an offense, do not speak about the child, but about the deed. The act is bad, and the child is good. I hope you have already thrown words like crooked, stupid, and shameless out of your vocabulary.”

Answer: This is a big problem for many parents who roughly point out that the child cannot do anything, that he is worthless; this deprives him of a sense of confidence, security, and inner possibility. It is very important to keep this in a child.

Many of us are guilty of this. We put pressure on the child, tell him, “You’re not worth anything, watch how it should be done. Why can’t you?” and so on. That is, we make him an absolutely insecure little man. He grows up in this way and all his life cannot get rid of this.

Question: But what if he, for example, commits a bad deed?

Answer: Smooth it over. “You did this incorrectly, in the wrong way. Maybe you could not do it differently. See now how it can be done differently.” So that he can learn from it and still have confidence.

Question: That is, not to touch the child and his little “I.” Is the main principle not to touch the “I”?

Answer: Yes. We have people exactly like that living on our planet, without inner confidence, “killed” by their parents, people who have been deprived since childhood. In order to somehow defend themselves, they make problems, wanting to rise at least a little above everyone. However, they don’t know how to do this in order to feel normal.

For this, they must suppress others, destroy others, and so on. If you take anyone who kills, tortures others, runs some gang, you will see why this happened to him.

You will look into his childhood and see how he was disfigured there in the same way.

Comment: The third advice: “Never compare him with anyone, even if the comparison is in his favor. This is the direct path to narcissism. And narcissism is the destruction to the base of self-esteem. That is, self-esteem is destroyed to the ground. The child risks growing up as a person who always compares himself to others and will suffer that someone is better than him.”

My Response: Yes. However, we still need to make sure that the child has an idea of what perfection is. And he must somehow evaluate himself relative to this perfection.

Question: Is it necessary to give the child some kind of standard?

Answer: Yes, but not in relation to others. The standard should not be a person, but a quality.

Question: How can you explain the quality to which he should aspire?

Answer: Once it was done with the help of some gods or great heroes. However, such examples can be in something specific, particular, no more than that.

Question: Should it be a quality? For example, how you used to love then, so we should come to the same love?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: The fourth tip: “Praise the child not for the result, but for the courage and effort, for the fact that he was not afraid and performed, tried by himself in the competition, made an effort, did his best. This will teach him to support himself in the future. And, by the way, it will greatly contribute to his success in adult life.”

My Response: Yes, it is necessary to support the child and inspire him. Regardless of his success, he should feel that you are behind him and confident in him, and do not require anything more from him than just his diligence, effort.

Question: That is, we should not say, “You did well, you got the first place, what a beautiful medal,” right?

Answer: Yes. Do not do that. Absolutely not. It is necessary that he was self-sufficient and happy in his actions.

Comment: But we are proud of medals.

Answer: That is our society, such a narrow, egoistic one that plays all people against each other, raises competition to such levels that a person devotes his whole life and health to this. And what is the result? We see that this does not bring happiness to anyone.

Question: Does it mean that if a child talks about his victory, then the main thing for him should be how much effort he put in, how he trained for this?

Answer: Of course. Otherwise, he will take drugs and win only with their help. This is what egoism turns each of us into.

Comment: This, by the way, is a very accurate comment. All these anabolic steroids, drugs, and everything. It is already impossible to watch sports, everything is clear there. Now there is a problem of how to hide the drug, not how not to take it.

My Response: Yes. The main thing for them is achievement in comparison to others. Except for group sports. Group sports are relatively attractive.

Question: Is it because there is a team victory there?

Answer: Yes. A single “I” is blurred among many others, and in general, the opposition of one to another is not the same as one on one opposition.

Question: What about the fact that some player still stands out? For example, Messi or someone else.

Answer: This is bad. After all, the team won. But still, at least in this way.

Comment: The fifth and most important advice: “You yourself have to have self-confidence. Parents often write to me, ‘I do everything right, praise, support, but the child shows insecurity all the time.’ Of course, each specific case should be analyzed separately, but if you really do everything for the confidence of your child and he has zero self-esteem, this is what is called ‘A wake-up call to the parents.'”

My Response: We still have to show the child in any case our trust in him, our love for him, and that we accept him as he is. The most important thing is not to destroy, not to level his “I,” and not to demand from him any great victories and achievements. Only in this case can you make him a confident, normal person.

Question: Why does a psychologist start this way: “You yourself have to have self-confidence”?

Answer: Because you are trying to embody in the child what you have not achieved yourself.

Question: Won’t it work out even if I play in front of him?

Answer: No.

Question: Do you have self-confidence?

Answer: No. An absolutely confident person is just an idiot, he must be at the level of a stone. However, I am confident that I am not confident, but I can do what I have to believe in.

Comment: This is not easy.

My Response: No one says that this can be achieved. But we should aspire for this. Life is about aspiration.

Comment: In general, this whole path is in uncertainty in the transition to confidence and again uncertainty.

My Response: The whole path is in the uncertainty of whether you relate yourself to the absolute. This is your confidence. So, there is nothing scary here. There is an upper force, you have to know how you can position yourself in relation to it, and then you gain complete confidence. Not in yourself, but in the fact that you are going with Him.

Question: That your compass keeps this direction all the time?

Answer: Of course. Then everything is very simple. You hold on like a little one to the big one’s hand.

Comment: To the teacher.

My Response: Yes.

Question: What if you are constantly shifted to the left or to the right?

Answer: It is on purpose so that you hold on to Him more tightly, so that you can see where you are going with Him and thus learn.

You are shifted relative to Him, and you must hold on tighter and align your path with Him, behind Him. In this way, you learn both from the vicissitudes of fate and from His reaction to that fate.

Question: Is this path by reason or by faith above reason?

Answer: This path is by the adhesion with the upper. He shows you two lines and you have to walk between them.
[275711]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 9/3/20

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Question: Experts from the University of California found that the main indicator of a good and happy relationship is when the couple uses “we” in a conversation.

The use of the word “we” is an indication of closer relations between people, that they are not bound to their egoism in their relationship, and that they intend to develop fruitful cooperation between them.

Humanity has been constantly living in “I,I,I,” and continues to live this way. Have we reached a dead end by this way of speaking?

Answer: No, the usage of “I” is not a dead end because it is my essence. This is what I stand on, where I am moving, what I want to do to improve this world, and this is the reason that I don’t think that it is a negative way to speak. On the contrary, it depends on what I draw toward and connect to this “I.”

Question: What do I need to attach to the “I?”

Answer: I have an opinion, I have power, I have the capability, I have a good attitude toward others, I want to embody all that, and then the “I” is a positive element.

Question: And what is a negative use of the “I?”

Answer: It is the opposite, of course, when I want to dominate others for the sake of my “I.” It is actually the “I” that needs to be very clear to a person. Who is this “I”?

Question: And how does a person advance from the position of the “I”?

Answer: From the “I” we move toward “we,” but “we” exists only and always as the common denominator of our “I” and not in any other way. When I begin to subdue myself before “we,” but I do it and not someone else who tells me “we” in a familiar way, when I subdue myself and say “we,” which means that I am ready to connect with others, knowing that the outcome will be the one common “I,” this is already a different level.

This is already an ascent above the small “I” to the big “I,” which includes the “we” in it.
[242951]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 12/4/18

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Question: From a letter: “I am full of hatred for the parents who brought me into this world! Why? Did they not see that this world is a garbage heap, that it is not fit for a living?! I do not want to live in it and I cannot leave on my own. I live with constant pain.

Despite this, I am married. But I said to my wife on the first date: “We will not have children.” She agreed. We have been married for five years. My wife asked me to write to you and ask for your opinion. But so you know, my mind is made up.”

That person writes with an unambiguous opinion that he is not going to bring children into this world. But his wife seems to want to. What do we do with all this? Is the world really such that it is scary to bring children here?

Answer: So, what? It is scary, but you bring them. Do the right thing, what a person should do. Do everything for it.

Question: Should I think about children?

Answer: You should think about children, you will think about children. Now you are not thinking about children, you are thinking about yourself.

You have to give birth to the next generation. Because that is the way in nature—look at animals. As for the next generation, we are like animals. Each couple should give birth to a boy and a girl.

Question: Those who have decided that they do not want to, can they be called a family?

Answer: This is the highest egoism, and you cannot call them a family.

A family is a male and female individual who create their own kind.

I say what is written in Kabbalah. Kabbalistic wisdom is higher than our world’s, and it speaks about how it is established by nature. Call it nature or the Creator. We are obliged to reproduce our own kind, and thus we continue ourselves in our descendants.

Question: And for those people who deliberately do not continue themselves in descendants, does something, somehow later respond to them or not?

Answer: Their story ends with them. But a person should strive to continue oneself.
[276602]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/30/20

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Question: How can we teach children to be happy? And is it worth teaching them something related to Kabbalah?

Answer: Naturally, we want to teach children to be happy, and we can teach them. We tell a child: “Do not be a bully, do not hit others, be kind, be polite,” and so on, because we understand that in this way he seems to be guaranteed better circumstances.

This is how we should educate our children until they reach the age where we can teach them the method of connection. And then they will definitely have guarantees for a good life.
[276365]
From KabTV’s “Ask the Kabbalist” 12/31/18

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Question: I recently watched your video where you say that you cannot get a divorce, only as the last resort when there are children involved.

So what can I do when there are no feelings left for each other and the children see that? When there is only fighting and annoyance with each other? How can it be good for the children to grow up in such an atmosphere? I don’t love him, do you understand? Don’t hold me back.

My Response: I am holding you back. I would like to restrain both you and him. Because you are no longer children like your kids  you need to understand that it is still much better for you, for your children, for your family, and for society for you not to divorce, but simply to stop paying attention to certain feelings.

Question: But how can they achieve peace, more or less?

Answer: They should agree not to annoy each other. That’s it! What else is there to do? Let your relationship involve a bit of politics, some agreement and reasoning, rising above yourselves.
To say: “I don’t like things about him, he doesn’t like things about me” is childish!

Question: In general, it is possible to agree on areas to avoid?

Answer: Absolutely! If they already have children, then they are clearly mature people. If you have children, you have no right to divorce. For the sake of your children. The kids won’t forgive you. They will carry it with them throughout their lives.

Question: So, if she thinks about the children at this moment, and not about herself, about her annoyance?

Answer: Then she will not be annoyed.

Question: What does it involve? Forgiveness of all his mistakes or what? How to make concessions here?

Answer: To reduce each other’s vulnerability, your sensitivity to each other, claims against each other. Imagine that the other has a right to his behavior, to his life. And at the same time, you have a common life. And this common life, first of all, concerns your children, and not you personally. Don’t be so selfish! Live for the sake of the children. This should not be a source of pain for your children.

Question: Is this the real responsibility?

Answer: Yes. Of course.

Comment: People don’t think that children are affected by this their whole lives.

My Response: No. This will have a big impact on the children. And the children will also get divorced because their parents did the same.

Question: Does it follow the chain?

Answer: It does.

Question: And it extends to the next generation?

Answer: Yes. And if they didn’t see the parent’s divorce, then, despite the fact that there are very big differences between them and general fighting, children will still preserve their families.

Question: So you also look at other generations?

Answer: Certainly. Because “what parents do serves as an example for children.”
[276411]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 11/23/20

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New Life 1289 – Parents Of A Child With Special Needs
Dr. Michael Laitman in conversation with Oren Levi and Nitzah Mazoz

There are no blows from nature that cannot be complemented including having a child with special needs. There is no point asking, “Why do I deserve this?” or comparing ourselves with a perfect way of life. Disabled people are usually happier because nature gives them a greater spirit. We can see mutual support, connection, and joy in groups of disabled children. Parents should accept their fate and learn to cope with it. They should not stop any activities and keep searching for how to complement the disability with the use of equipment and exercises. It is very important that they have a supportive environment of people in the same situation from whom they can learn how to live successfully with the disability and who will bring them examples of disabled people who have greatly succeeded in life. Society needs to help disabled people grow stronger, manage, and find their place in society.

The connection between people always helps because we are all a part of nature, which is absolutely integral. We need to build support mechanisms in society so that each one feels that the whole society covers him with care.
[274727]
From KabTV’s “New Life 1289 – Parents Of A Child With Special Needs,” 11/29/20

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Question: Harvard Kennedy School Professor Ronald Ferguson coauthored a book about raising successful children, The Formula: Unlocking the Secrets to Raising Highly Successful Children. He and coauthor journalist Tatsha Robertson provide “The 8 Roles of Good Parents.”

The first role is “the early learning partner.” The parent engages in trying to interest the child in learning and making learning and problem solving fun even before the child begins school.

What does it mean to be a learning partner to a child?

Answer: When a parent speaks, he or she introduces and explains to the child in advance these sensations, these relationships.

Question: Does he at the same time encourage the child to be the first in the class?

Answer: No. It’s not about competition, it’s about the correct attitude.

Question: What kind of attitude should it be?

Answer: To instill the appeal of knowledge in a child.

Comment: The second role is called “the flight engineer.” This is a parent who controls the environment of a child and intervenes when something goes wrong.

My Response: This is natural. The environment determines a person and their development.

Question: Can a parent step in and move a child to a different environment if something is wrong?

Answer: Definitely!

Question: Is this not coercion?

Answer: No. This is an adjustment that must be made from above.

Question: What if a child likes it there?

Answer: It does not matter what he likes.

Question: To such an extent? Almost forcibly? Do you just move him or her to another school?

Answer: Yes.

Question: What kind of environment should I move the child to?

Answer: The one that helps the child to develop and does not limit or create any false ideals before him.

Question: What should be the ideal of the correct environment?

Answer: Free, extensively developed, friendly, not restricted in any way.

Question: Is this what an environment should be? Does this include teachers, classes, and friends?

Answer: Of course, everything.

Comment: The third role is “the fixer.” A parent ensures that they child has all that is needed to succeed, that no opportunity to improve the child’s life will be lost.

My Response: To do this, you need to educate a parent first.

Question: What are the main opportunities for improving a child’s life?

Answer: Society, environment. Nothing else.

Comment: The fourth role is “The revealer.” A parent-revealer expands the child’s view of the world by showing them the world and opportunities available to them and takes them to museums, libraries, and exhibitions.

My Response: That’s right. I was raised that way. My father took me to the movie theater all the time. He was a big movie fan. We had a movie theater where they only had movies about artists, musicians, and great people. We went to all these movies once a week.

Question: Did this expand your view of the world?

Answer: Of course! Since then, I have not seen these films about great artists, musicians, and people of art.

Comment: The fifth role is “the philosopher.” Parents help their child find purpose by asking deep questions about life and answering them. Do you think it’s right for a parent to be such a philosopher?

My Response: It is necessary to awaken such questions in a child that puzzle the child and that he or she tries to answer somehow.

Question: What questions would you awaken in a child?

Answer: It depends on the age and the character of a child. It’s not easy.

Of course, questions about the basis of the universe, about life, about nature that surrounds us.

Question: Can we ask a child such questions as “What was I born for? What is the meaning of life?” Or is it too early for him and we should not do this?

Answer: I do not know. This should be done very carefully. I do not want to advise.

In principle, children have these questions in childhood. Then they forget. “What do I live for, where do I come from, what am I for, what am I?” And so on. This is still a pre-hormonal development. Then the hormones start kicking in, and everything ends at that.

Comment: The sixth role is “the model.” These parents define important values for themselves and instill them in their children.

My Response: I am not sure about that. My parents’ values were to make me a musician. It was, of course, terrible. I did not appreciate this at all and could not appreciate this. I did not like to work mechanically on myself, to play scales for five or six hours a day and more things like that. This dryness killed me. I could not stand it and did everything I could to break away.

Question: In general, is it correct that parents define important values for themselves and instill them in their children?

Answer: That’s how it turns out! There is nothing you can do.

Question: Does it mean that the main thing is to educate parents so that the correct values are instilled in them? And then the children will follow them.

Answer: Yes, that’s right!

Question: The eighth role is “the GPS navigational voice.” The voice of such parents continues to sound in the child’s head even after they have left home. What do you think about that?

Answer: That’s right. This remains, and this is very important. However, it’s just a navigator. Therefore, it is necessary to check the values that parents have and that they want to instill in their child.

Question: In other words, do we need to check this “navigator”?

Answer: Yes. This is a problem today.

Question: Are these values basically all egoistic by and large?

Answer: Of course. We need to educate parents. Take all these values and instill them in parents, and let them educate themselves with this.
[274234]
From KabTV’s “News with Michael Laitman” 9/14/20

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Question: Is the very meeting of future parents in our world predetermined or not?

Answer: It is predetermined. It was no accident that I met this person.

Question: Why is this done? Why do couples connect in this way?

Answer: There are no coincidences in the world. No coincidences at all! As it is said in The Master and Margarita: “The brick is neither here nor there… it never merely falls on someone’s head from out of nowhere.”

Question: If so, is the birth of a particular child who will be born predetermined?

Answer: Everything is absolutely predetermined until the end of all time. There is nothing new.

Question: Can we say that there is a good time for conceiving a child?

Answer: That doesn’t matter either, and it also does not depend on people. It is all arranged from above, and so it happens. In fact, a person does not choose anything.

Question: But when parents decide they want to have a child, what should they think about?

Answer: That they want to make a good person who would be useful to the world and would enjoy the fact that he is beneficial to the world.

Question: What is “to benefit the world”?

Answer: To bring people together.

Comment: Imagine giving this task to parents!

My Response: They think about it in the act of conception. As it is written in Ketuvim, Job 3:2: “Would the day in which I was to be born be lost, and the night when one said, ‘A man has impregnated.'”

Comment: Usually a person thinks more about himself, so that there is a good, kind, warm, beloved, healthy child. Think about him more.

My Response: No. By this you do not make a child but an animal. And if you think about how he will be in the world as a person, for the world, then you make a person.

Question: What if a couple cannot conceive a child, but they really want to?

Answer: Try as much as you can. You cannot do anything. Even today it still depends on higher providence.

Question: And what will help more here: going to healers or doctors?

Answer: We must visit doctors, we must do everything possible.

Question: And at the same time ask the upper one to help?

Answer: Of course, all together.

Question: When will He hear this request?

Answer: This is unknown to us. As much as people strive to do good to each other and with the Creator, the closer they will be to the fulfillment of this desire, although this does not guarantee it.

Comment: It is not very clear: “good to each other and with the Creator.” Explain this point, please.

My Response: To act between each other as it was originally established by the Creator.

Question: How is this established?

Answer: Everything is built on goodness.

Question: How should expectant parents behave during pregnancy?

Answer: We must be considerate with each other, especially with a woman. And try so that a woman during pregnancy has good thoughts, music, readings. In general, to influence her with positive and more elevated emotions and knowledge. All this influences the child very much.

Question: What kind of music would you choose?

Answer: I personally support classical music because it is the most proper, the most complete. Of course, not heavy but soft classics.

Question: What should a woman during pregnancy think about?

Answer: It is written about this in the Torah that a woman only thinks about the one who is in her, who was conceived and grows in her. Only about him. Nature has already foreseen this, so there is no need to interfere with it.

Question: What is the most critical time of pregnancy?

Answer: As a rule, the first few months. Then the foundation of the child is laid.

Question: When should the child be handed over to the mother?

Answer: You must immediately place the child on her so that he feels that he is still connected with the mother.

Question: Does this give him more security?

Answer: Both to her and to him. There must be a connection. It is very important.

Question: What does mother’s milk mean for baby’s growth?

Answer: Mother’s milk is not necessarily from his mother, it can be from another woman. Although, it is preferable for the child to receive milk from his mother. And this milk is the closest substance to the child, carrying so many elements we do not even suspect.

Question: What does the baby get with mother’s milk?

Answer: It is impossible to express. The upper light, called Ohr Hassadim, light of mercy, he receives from above through his mother’s milk.

Question: How does a mother communicate with a breastfeeding baby?

Answer: She talks to him through it. He feels her through her chest and she feels him through her chest. This is an amazing mechanism in both animals and humans.

Question: How long should a mother breastfeed her baby?

Answer: It is generally recommended up to two years.

Comment: Nobody follows this.

My Response: I know that no one follows it. But, according to the spiritual law, breastfeeding should be up to two years.

Question: And if you must go to work as it is today?

Answer: Well, everyone does, that is true. Who cares about some spiritual or natural laws?

Comment: You are saying that everything is predetermined and all actions are predetermined.

My Response: If you ruin your life, do not blame nature.

Question: So, we ruined life so much? We send mothers to work in six months, a year, and so on.

Answer: Of course.

Question: What needs to be done to make things right?

Answer: To make it right—the woman should not work at all.

Comment: This, of course, is impossible in our times.

My Response: Why? Why is it bad if only the man works and earns enough for his family, and this would be enough for the family to live normally, calmly, quietly?

Question: Tell me, if the mother is annoyed or after a quarrel with the father, should she feed or not feed the child at that moment?

Answer: This is not good. The child will feel this very much on himself, and therefore, such states are absolutely undesirable! A woman must be protected, isolated from any negative, unwanted influences.

Question: That is, all this enters the child, both irritation and hatred?

Answer: Of course. All this will creep into the child and manifest in negative consequences.

Question: Does the infant generally feel what is happening at home in parental relationships?

Answer: Of course. He feels everything. Everything is felt by him “through the air” even if it is in the next house, in another city. All of this is transmitted. He is very sensitive. The mother for him is like a receiver that he listens to and perceives even if she does not say anything to him. But everything that affects the mother, he feels it all.

Question: It turns out that the mother is like a sixth sense for him?

Answer: Of course. It seems to us that he came out of the mother and the umbilical cord was cut off. Nothing is cut.
[274965]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” 10/5/20

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Question: There are seven basic emotions that are accompanied by facial expressions: sadness, anger, contempt, disgust, fear, surprise, and joy. Charles Darwin also considered love as a basic emotion, although it has no facial expression.

How can you properly express your feelings, including love?

Answer: It depends on the character of the person. Everyone expresses emotions in their own way. Certain expressions correspond to certain types of people.

But, in principle, you don’t have to think about how to express them. You just need to be more frank with others, try to make them feel good near you, and then any of your facial expressions will be read correctly.
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From KabTV’s “Kabbalah Express” 11/6/20

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Should We Believe The Mind Or The Heart?

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